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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Settle my inheritance row!

677 replies

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 15:41

Long story short, my parents signed their house over to me 10+ years ago, under the caveat that they could live there until the end of their days. This house is my inheritance, as stated in their will.
My mum passed away and my dad can’t afford to stay in the house or manage its upkeep any more. He has a disastrous relationship with money and is basically destitute.
I agreed to sell the house and buy a flat for him, to live in rent free, all he has to pay is his cost. He now demands money from me as I am making a profit from the sale of the house. I don’t want to give him any, it’s my inheritance! AIBU?

OP posts:
tigger1001 · 05/04/2023 15:53

Who legally owns the house? That's what is the key part here.

If it has legally been signed over to the op, and she is on the land registry as owner, "inheritance" is a bit of a red herring. A lot of people use that word as meaning something was given to them by parents/grandparents when still alive.

Why was it signed over?

Greensleevevssnotnose · 05/04/2023 15:53

This can't be real?

Itsbytheby · 05/04/2023 15:53

So you transferred the house to avoid tax and paying for a care home, and now y you refuse to pay for your dad to remain in his house nor give him the money that comes from it.

It's really shitty behaviour morally OP, no matter who legally owns the house.

Aprilx · 05/04/2023 15:54

Schmutter · 05/04/2023 15:51

You sound an absolute peach, OP. If you’re for real, I’m amazed to had the gall to post this.

Yes it is a shame that her parents didn’t realise they couldn’t rely on their daughter to do the right thing when they signed their house over. And they probably haven’t avoided the inheritance tax they were presumably attempting to avoid anyway.

DrWhoNowww · 05/04/2023 15:54

If you own the house then you own the house - it’s not inheritance and can’t be passed to you in anyone’s will.

If your dad can’t afford to stay in your property then selling it to buy something else he can live in that’s cheaper to run makes sense.

Whether you should give him additional money from the sale of the house is up to you and your conscience really - I couldn’t see my dad destitute.

It also depends on whether you paid market value for the house or if it was just transferred to you? If it was transferred and you paid a peppercorn for it then I reckon morally you should give your dad the value of the appreciation from the transfer till now.

But legally you don’t have to do anything, you sold your house and you’re entitled to the proceeds.

Itsbytheby · 05/04/2023 15:54

tigger1001 · 05/04/2023 15:53

Who legally owns the house? That's what is the key part here.

If it has legally been signed over to the op, and she is on the land registry as owner, "inheritance" is a bit of a red herring. A lot of people use that word as meaning something was given to them by parents/grandparents when still alive.

Why was it signed over?

No really, that was a mechanism to avoid paying tax and carehome fees. The intention clearly was between OP and her parents that it was inheritance.

NoSquirrels · 05/04/2023 15:55

my dad can’t afford to stay in the house or manage its upkeep any more

What do you mean by this? If you own the house, you need to pay the upkeep and manage that. You’re the landlord. If you mean the regular bills are too much on his income that’s a different matter.

FrigginFrig · 05/04/2023 15:55

Yabu, so greedy. Shame on you

knittingaddict · 05/04/2023 15:55

Greensleevevssnotnose · 05/04/2023 15:53

This can't be real?

I'm wondering that too, but families do enter in to the most bizarre schemes to avoid paying tax and care home fees. They reep what they sow.

User5641 · 05/04/2023 15:56

It was signed over to you with the agreement they could both live there until the end of their days. Your dad still has days! End of.

TheHoover · 05/04/2023 15:56

Well legally you don’t have to give him money but morally you really, really really fucking do and I think you know it.

ChateauMargaux · 05/04/2023 15:57

I suggest you get advice from a solicitor and that your father gets independent advice from a different one. You need to come up with an agreement between you so that your father is not destitute, even if that means that he uses the capital from the house to live.

GoldDustt · 05/04/2023 15:57

Taking bets on how long it takes before this post is deleted....it sure ain't going OPs way.

knittingaddict · 05/04/2023 15:57

Itsbytheby · 05/04/2023 15:54

No really, that was a mechanism to avoid paying tax and carehome fees. The intention clearly was between OP and her parents that it was inheritance.

Show quote history

Inheritance is only a thing once someone has died. This was a gift to avoid paying for legitimate costs.

TheChoiceIsYours · 05/04/2023 15:57

It’s not your inheritance - it’s your property. Talking about an inheritance is misleading and irrelevant here. Your parents will doesn’t leave their house to you because they don’t own a house. You do.

This is why tax evasion is generally a bad idea. Your dad has left himself up shit creek with no means of supporting himself and you’re left with the cost of maintaining a house which you can’t live in because your dad does.

If you sell the house and buy him a flat plus give him the money that’s left over, he will spend it supporting himself and you won’t have an inheritance when he does pass. Perhaps that shows that your parents didn’t have an estate to leave you as they needed it to be able to see out their days. They jumped the gun and it’s coming back to bite. The alternative is that you refuse to give your dad back the money he and your mum gave you and probably destroy the relationship and leave him in poverty.

What a mess.

determinedtomakethiswork · 05/04/2023 15:57

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determinedtomakethiswork · 05/04/2023 15:58

And if the house belongs to you and this is the truth, then it's your job to keep up the repairs, not your father's.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 05/04/2023 15:58

It can't be both signed over to you and your inheritance
Assuming it is signed over and you are are the legal owner, then yes you can sell it. If you chose to buy a smaller property for your Dad to live in then you should put money aside for upkeep and maintenance of the property. Will your Dad have sufficient income to live off? How old us he?

Wellillsayitifnooneelsewill · 05/04/2023 15:59

LetMeExplain · 05/04/2023 15:41

Long story short, my parents signed their house over to me 10+ years ago, under the caveat that they could live there until the end of their days. This house is my inheritance, as stated in their will.
My mum passed away and my dad can’t afford to stay in the house or manage its upkeep any more. He has a disastrous relationship with money and is basically destitute.
I agreed to sell the house and buy a flat for him, to live in rent free, all he has to pay is his cost. He now demands money from me as I am making a profit from the sale of the house. I don’t want to give him any, it’s my inheritance! AIBU?

Huh? You are the owner of the house. They are your rent free tenants. Surely you should be responsible for the upkeep like any responsible landlord.

Maybe tell your dad that you have no issues him staying there but if genuinely needs help managing money etc then you need to help him in a way that can not be seen as financially abusive. Not kick him out. They gave you a very generous gift of a house. At least do the right thing and honour the caveat.

knittingaddict · 05/04/2023 16:00

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Why not say that then? It quite clearly says "I" and "my" in the post.

DoristheDuchess · 05/04/2023 16:01

is this a reverse?

cupofteaandabiccyplease · 05/04/2023 16:01

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theemmadilemma · 05/04/2023 16:02

Under the way it was signed over and you being the owner, I see your only responsibility to him is to house him. Since he can no longer afford the assosiated costs with a house of that size, you are helping him relocate to an affordable property. That is the end of your financial responsibility per the will imo.

Chickpea17 · 05/04/2023 16:03

inheritance is what left once someone dies so it's not yours yet.

CleaningOutMyCloset · 05/04/2023 16:04

Did you buy it off him or did they sign it over to you and no money changed hands? If it's the latter then you need to sell the house and give him the money. You can advise that he buys a flat, but ultimately it's his money to do with as he sees fit. If he rents a house and blows it all on women and booze then that's up to him and he leaves you with nothing.

Inheritance is a gift, not a given.

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