The neighbours are going to hate us

[Potentialneighboursfromhell]

I've just signed for the keys for a flat for me and my DC, it's on the first floor of a small block. There are 8 or 10 flats in total.

I wasn't in a position to hang about hoping something on a ground level came up.

I have 3 DC one of which has autism and adhd.

I came to the new property today to drop off a few bits ahead of the big move next week. The kids were excited, running around.

A downstairs neighbour came up to see if everything was OK and what all the noise was (it was the kids running around - this being the first time they had seen the place and they were excited)

I explained and apologised, the neighbour was fine but I got a sinking feeling as soon as I closed the door. My children are going to drive that poor man and his family mad. DS especially. He shouts, screams, bangs - due to his disability. It can't be controlled not for want of trying. Lord knows it drives me round the bend too.

I've been treading on egg shells the rest of the time we've been here. Telling the kids to "shh" and be quiet, take your shoes off so they don't hear you walking about, lower your voices, don't do this don't do that.

It's going to be hell for everybody. Kids included.

I've made a mistake haven't I? What the hell am I going to do now 😔

Amazon sells noise cancelling ear protectors, hth.

Op you are allowed to exist, you are allowed space to exist and your children are allowed space to exist, including your child with additional needs. It baffles me that there are people so bothered by a bit of normal family noise from neighbours. I've lived in flats my whole adult life and now live in a terrace and I can't imagine being annoyed by normal everyday family noise at reasonable hours.

Live above noisy neighbours actually!!!!

I took a first floor 3bed flat with four kids 🤦🏻‍♀️ Monday - Friday the noise is 3:30pm till about 8pm weekends is very probably hell for my downstairs and upstairs neighbours
However the drug dealer upstairs has all sorts in the communal areas at all times and the violent agressive downstairs likes to smash his neighbors windows sooooo
There's not a lot you can't do, carpets and lots of rugs and I'd recommend a thick curtain for the front door. Teaching the kids about morning times and night times visually with clocks is very helpful (two of mine are autistic and one is disabled)
You have every right to live your life and that's just communal living I'm afraid. I'd love to move but the council say I'm adequately housed (5 of us in a 3 bed flat two boys two girls)
Even if the downstairs does complain the noise of kids is never ever taken seriously and there won't be a consequence to it. Likei said practicing routine, visual cues, getting out as much as possible and be civil with the neighbours but not overly friendly is the best you can do

There is ‘normal’ family noise and then there is jumping on bare floorboards repeatedly.…

If you know you are going to be a noisy neighbour who cannot afford carpets then it is inconsiderate to your neighbours to take a first floor flat.

If you know you can't live with noise from above its inconsiderate to take a ground floor flat

Why does your noise sensitivity as an adult with autism trump the needs of a child with autism who vocally stims etc?

Do you have children or just dislike them existing where you're aware of them?

It's far more inconsiderate to your children, who you have an actual obligation to, to risk them being homeless or in housing unsuitable for their needs, because "oh what might the new neighbours think!

@Potentialneighboursfromhell

do what you can OP but also get ready to have firm boundaries with the neighbour.

we’re first floor and our downstairs neighbour does complain.

but honestly she’s just trying to pressure us to fit around her.

she doesn’t like hearing the kids play when she watches Tv in the evening.

but they are always off to bed by 7.30 - the overlap is 30 mins - 1hr at most and they are never downstairs before 7am in the morning.

we don’t have parties, rarely have guests.

our Kitchen is above her bedroom but strangely that’s never been an issue.

she expects to never hear the children which is unrealistic.

she complains most when we’re back from a holiday as she’s got used to the quiet.

also I agree a lot of the problem is a lack of affordable suitable housing.

we don’t love living in a 2 bed flat with no garden, but that’s property prices for you.

I grew up in an old cheap block of flats with no sound insulation. I could hear EVERYTHING. I lived with it. We all lived with it. It's life. If they don't want upstairs neighbours then they need to move.

The OP is renting her flat - whether or not she can afford carpets is irrelevant.

The LANDLORD is being inconsiderate to other tenants by renting out a first floor flat with laminate flooring.

I live in a mid terrace too and we rarely hear our neighbours despite them having laminate floors and no curtains.

Next door but one has a dog that's left outside to bark at people passing by until he's blue in the face - got the community protection officers and local dog warden to look into it and it's rarely a problem now.

It's always the people, luck of the draw who you get and how loud....

I dislike ‘being aware’ of anyone screaming, shouting, jumping, running, arguing and throwing things at all sorts of times both day and night. Whether children or adults is irrelevant, but I’ve only come across such behaviour in kids.

Perhaps to you this would sound like birdsong in which case I envy you!

Again, I asked, do you have children? Or do you live alone in relative silence? Why so miserable at the existence of children?

As you've already got rugs save up and get the best sound proofing underlay you can get.

You might be better with large off cuts of carpets for the kids rooms or places they are less seen. Runners for the hallways etc.

It might not be as bad as you fear. I am a terrace rather than flat and never heard anything from my previous neighbour.
When the new people started moving in it was awful but they were replacing carpets and it was empty. What a difference it made!

I would make an effort to talk to your neighbours. Somehow unexplained noise is worse. If they know you have a disabled child your mind can file it as 'poor thing's having a hard time tonight ', not 'oh god should I call the police ' which is stressful. Just explain you are going to make every effort to minimise it with the measures already discussed.

Are those the only two options, children or silence?

Same!

This. We had to ask permission for ours and we had to pay every penny. We were ground floor but hated laminate in the living room.

@fitzwilliamdarcy dont live in flats then?

and probably not in urban areas either.

there’s a next door neighbour here that gives her upstairs neighbours hell and tries to complain about others.

but she doesn’t have to live pretty centrally in London.

she could trade in her sought after council flat for a house outside London.

doesnt, but then own your choices. Urban communal living you’re going to hear your neighbours.

if it’s quiet 10pm-7am you have to suck up the rest.

'Cheap' carpets still cost three figures every room 🙄

So if the neighbour is nice about it and tries to be understanding and doesn't ever say anything, just puts up with the noise, then he doesn't deserve underlay to make it quieter for him? He only gets it if he complains? Any decent person would make it as quiet as they could from day one, which it seems like the OP is trying to do.

Or people could just have respect for neighbours and keep the noise down as much as possible. Which it sounds like the OP is trying to do.

@Catsstillrock It’s weird to me that if you suggest that noisy families not live in flats, MN acts like you want to make them homeless but anyone who doesn’t want to be subjected to incessant noise needs to just buy a mansion in the countryside. Only people without kids have choices and money, apparently.

You’ll be thrilled to know that I no longer live in a flat.

(And it wasn’t quiet between 10pm-7am. That’s what “both day and night” means.)