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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

The neighbours are going to hate us

583 replies

Potentialneighboursfromhell · 05/04/2023 14:42

I've just signed for the keys for a flat for me and my DC, it's on the first floor of a small block. There are 8 or 10 flats in total.

I wasn't in a position to hang about hoping something on a ground level came up.

I have 3 DC one of which has autism and adhd.

I came to the new property today to drop off a few bits ahead of the big move next week. The kids were excited, running around.

A downstairs neighbour came up to see if everything was OK and what all the noise was (it was the kids running around - this being the first time they had seen the place and they were excited)

I explained and apologised, the neighbour was fine but I got a sinking feeling as soon as I closed the door. My children are going to drive that poor man and his family mad. DS especially. He shouts, screams, bangs - due to his disability. It can't be controlled not for want of trying. Lord knows it drives me round the bend too.

I've been treading on egg shells the rest of the time we've been here. Telling the kids to "shh" and be quiet, take your shoes off so they don't hear you walking about, lower your voices, don't do this don't do that.

It's going to be hell for everybody. Kids included.

I've made a mistake haven't I? What the hell am I going to do now 😔

OP posts:
jaqueandjill · 06/04/2023 16:22

Slitherie · 06/04/2023 16:18

Totally agree, I felt anxious just reading the OP.

love how people are suggesting the neighbours should move … how entitled is that! OP didn’t have to move into a 1st floor flat, she chose to. Complete disregard for the poor neighbours below

Show quote history

The OP said that she wasn't in a position to hang around waiting for a ground floor property. So yes, she DID have to move into a first floor flat as this was the available housing for her and her children.

NameChangeObvsx1 · 06/04/2023 16:24

So yeah. If your neighbour wants total silence he’s gonna have to save up and get himself a detached house in the countryside

There’s a vast difference between wanting ‘complete silence’ and expecting, quite reasonably, not to be distressed by banging and thumping impact noise for most of each day.

Because maybe it's the only suitable property?

Most people have/want to live in a specific area, due to work/school/family/transport links. Most people also have a budget.

This applies to the needs of the neighbours too.

Slitherie · 06/04/2023 16:28

jaqueandjill · 06/04/2023 16:22

The OP said that she wasn't in a position to hang around waiting for a ground floor property. So yes, she DID have to move into a first floor flat as this was the available housing for her and her children.

Show quote history

Oh well, fuck the neighbours then … as long as OP is ok

mosiacmaker · 06/04/2023 16:32

People on mumsnet are so weird, OF COURSE you don’t need to move house because you might be noisy for neighbours, what absolutely absurd advice. And I can only imagine the person saying that you were revelling in the noise is a troll, you’re clearly just being self depreciating.

Noise is a fact of life and you can only do two things:

  1. noise insulation and house rules to reduce noise
  2. chat to neighbours and explain the situation and give them your WhatsApp so they can message if it gets out of hand

Noise is most annoying when you don’t understand it and can’t control it. Knowing what a noise is and knowing you can reach out to express when it’s too much and hopefully have a neighbour tell kids to stop running etc - will go 90% of the way to easing your neighbours discomfort.

You are obviously a considerate person or you wouldn’t have posted this in the first place.

Congratulations on the new place and I hope you have fun redecorating! :)

ExtraHotConsumeAtOwnRisk · 06/04/2023 16:32

hopefully they'll be understanding.

In all likelihood, they will be, at least initially. Most people are reasonable. Then it’ll depend how much it impacts on their lives. If it does, they may then make noise complaints, and ultimately, that might lead to your landlord getting warnings from the council. Or it might not. The council would make the call on whether the noise was reasonable. In years gone by, that type of intervention would have meant you’d have been assisted with finding more suitable housing, but it doesn’t now, if we’re honest.

But you’re in the situation you’re in. Only you can weigh up options. You’ve done that; accepted this place, and knew there would be downstairs neighbours. Do your best to keep them sweet. Do your best to keep your child quiet without making them feel that they walk on eggshells. Do your best to not go insane while managing both of those! That’s all you can do! Anything else that happens will be a “roll with the punches” scenario.

A lot of it will come down to the type of house - how well built, how insulated - and the type of neighbour. Someone who plays the drums or has frequent loud parties themselves; or fixes loud cars every weekend, or works long hours out of the house… might not be so bothered, as long as their sleep isn’t disturbed. Someone who works from home or spends a lot of time there might have a much lower tolerance. Someone with a pet who gets disturbed by it might find it challenging. Anyone with any type of noise related sensory issue might find it unbearable. Some people will just block it out, naturally or with loud music etc.

Good luck.

mosiacmaker · 06/04/2023 16:33

I think we have some people with noisy upstairs neighbours projecting a bit here. In real life families just need to take a property in the right area within their budget - no one is hanging about for ground floor only due to neighbours!

Wedoronron · 06/04/2023 16:38

Yorkyyorkyork · 05/04/2023 16:16

You might want to have a little self awareness about your attitude before you alienate you and your children from the neighbours.

Checkity check yourself before you wreck yourself 😊

I read it as the opposite. The OP sounds like she is really worried and wants to minimize problems.

QueefQueen80s · 06/04/2023 16:46

Don't get why the OP is getting a hard time.. she sounds like she wants to do all she can and is open to suggestions and wants nice neighbourly relations. But we all need to live somewhere. If it's normal kid noise then it's just something people have to accept if they live next to people. I have two kids and live next to an old couple, I don't feel guilty about normal kid noise and make sure there is no excessive noise. What more can we do.

LuvSmallDogs · 06/04/2023 16:46

I like how some PP think it's absolutely outrageous for OP's ND child to make excited noises in his own home, but totally reasonable for grown adults to get triggered by noisy neighbours to the point of mental breakdown. Honestly, go to the doctor, that's not on your neighbours, you have something underlying.

Slitherie · 06/04/2023 16:49

LuvSmallDogs · 06/04/2023 16:46

I like how some PP think it's absolutely outrageous for OP's ND child to make excited noises in his own home, but totally reasonable for grown adults to get triggered by noisy neighbours to the point of mental breakdown. Honestly, go to the doctor, that's not on your neighbours, you have something underlying.

Well I do yeah, autism. Don’t need to see a doctor about that thanks, as long as I can get a bit of peace in my own home I’m fine

QueefQueen80s · 06/04/2023 16:49

Also yes it's a bit shit he came to complain so quickly, obviously new tenants checking out the property and moving in are going to make noise. No need to come up unless to say Hey, or if he suspected burglars.

Quantumleaper · 06/04/2023 16:49

@LuvSmallDogs I assume you’ve never lived under noisy neighbours?

Pertinentowl · 06/04/2023 16:54

What made a huge difference for my sister was buying the kids a therapy swing. Honestly, those sort of silk trapeze things? They go in them to decompress or sulk or anything really. A lot of the time they would have spent swinging from the ceiling is spent in the swing

jaqueandjill · 06/04/2023 17:11

Slitherie · 06/04/2023 16:28

Oh well, fuck the neighbours then … as long as OP is ok

Show quote history

Well no, not fuck the neighbours - the OP is obviously mindful of potential issues or she wouldn't have posted. She's also been appreciative of the various suggestions of how she can minimise noise.

But I'm glad the OP has found a home for her and her children. What would you prefer, they were sleeping on the streets so they don't cause any kind of disturbance to any other human?

You clearly have no idea what it's like to have a child with autism who makes noise and how on edge it makes you feel worrying that you're disturbing others.

MockneyReject · 06/04/2023 17:48

Hi, OP,
When I was in private rented with laminate, I bought several of these, from this eBay seller.
So, I had the laminate, a huge whipped 'offcut' almost to the walls, then area rugs on top.
You could buy them, one at a time, there are no fitting costs. They can be replaced fairly easily, and taken with you when you move.
You could even glue a piece of underlay to them for an extra layer of soundproofing.

Please don't let anyone drain the excitement and joy of a new home, from you.

SkyeBlue28 · 06/04/2023 17:56

When we moved to our new house a number of years ago our next door neighbour called into us regularly with complaints. An example is our lawnmower was too loud.
We get on fine with them now but they spent a couple of years making sure we knew our place and didn’t annoy them.
I think it’s possible the noise isn’t as bad as they said but they decided to lay down the law with your early. I know I could be wrong here but there will always be a certain amount of noise from an upstairs neighbour and you can only be so quiet.

crowisland · 06/04/2023 17:58

Top quality acoustic underlay under the carpets.

Missc2016 · 06/04/2023 18:04

Hi I've been you a year and a half ago in a newbuild house it'd thin plasterboard walls and I drove myself crazy. Firstly they prob was just curious what it was beleive me once you have a rug, sofas,tables, wardrobes tvs and beds etc in its much less echoing. Please don't let it rule your life like I did, people live there life's and you have the right too to. its not arguing and fighting just happy kids. It will be fine once you are in keep yourselves to yourselves you aren't breaking any rules or smoking . Your just starting out a fresh start. Start as you mean to go on and be happy, you have every right to be there as much as them good luck xx

MockneyReject · 06/04/2023 18:04

crowisland · 06/04/2023 17:58

Top quality acoustic underlay under the carpets.

It's a private rent, and the landlord has provided laminate. Tenants are restricted on what they can do.with a privately rented property. Even if the landlord is ok with carpet, OP doesn't have carpet, underlay or carpet fitting money. And she could then be asked to move out, leaving the carpet behind.

Pertinentowl · 06/04/2023 18:17

I tell you what I’ve just discovered, AFTER horror teen moved out, is that you can buy these squares of things for soundproofing that YouTubers and podcasters use on walls. I don’t know if it will help you, but they do exist. Other things that exist are these sort of rubber excluders you put at the bottom of the door, like draught excluders but specifically apparently for noise. I live on my own land so the only one suffering was me so I never did it.

Also, if you end up with a moody ADHD teen who is a gamer, my advise is to run away from home. He’s home on holiday right now and I can hear him booming because I got out of the habit of shutting the doors.
Id pay good money to know why there hasn’t been a noise complaint from his Accomodation. Is it possible he’s only loud at home?

Ah. As I type this he has clearly dropped a can of coke on his foot and is flailing around. Marvellous.

Scotslass171 · 06/04/2023 18:31

Thought if you were a council/housing association tenant you had to have carpets on your floors due to the noise etc - would help to deaden the noise somewhat unless you have asthma/lung condition plus would help to keep flat a bit warmer

Scotslass171 · 06/04/2023 18:33

And also once your furniture is in etc it might help with the noise problem

MockneyReject · 06/04/2023 18:51

Scotslass171 · 06/04/2023 18:31

Thought if you were a council/housing association tenant you had to have carpets on your floors due to the noise etc - would help to deaden the noise somewhat unless you have asthma/lung condition plus would help to keep flat a bit warmer

It's a private rental.

LuvSmallDogs · 06/04/2023 18:57

Quantumleaper · 06/04/2023 16:49

@LuvSmallDogs I assume you’ve never lived under noisy neighbours?

Under, no, above and to the side of, absolutely. I also live with a noisy autistic child, whose noise I hear even when the neighbours can't. I don't stop his loud stimming as it is not harmful and helps him.