The neighbours are going to hate us

[Potentialneighboursfromhell]

I've just signed for the keys for a flat for me and my DC, it's on the first floor of a small block. There are 8 or 10 flats in total.

I wasn't in a position to hang about hoping something on a ground level came up.

I have 3 DC one of which has autism and adhd.

I came to the new property today to drop off a few bits ahead of the big move next week. The kids were excited, running around.

A downstairs neighbour came up to see if everything was OK and what all the noise was (it was the kids running around - this being the first time they had seen the place and they were excited)

I explained and apologised, the neighbour was fine but I got a sinking feeling as soon as I closed the door. My children are going to drive that poor man and his family mad. DS especially. He shouts, screams, bangs - due to his disability. It can't be controlled not for want of trying. Lord knows it drives me round the bend too.

I've been treading on egg shells the rest of the time we've been here. Telling the kids to "shh" and be quiet, take your shoes off so they don't hear you walking about, lower your voices, don't do this don't do that.

It's going to be hell for everybody. Kids included.

I've made a mistake haven't I? What the hell am I going to do now 😔

If that’s the case op,then as a pp said, it would be good if you can have quiet periods. Like after 7pm or something. It means a lot to know there will be a period of noise reprieve.

Some people are just bizarre. Running upstairs to be a nosey twit because they heard noise in an empty flat - of course it's going to be noisier than usual, there's no furnishing to muffle it. Maybe HE needs to look at moving into a house!*

We lived in a top floor temporary housing flat for a while. It was carpeted, but the soundproofing was non-existent. But it's not like we had anywhere else to go.

Our downstairs neighbour used to bang on the ceiling every time my toddler did something like drop a toy, so I used to bang the floor back with my hoover. Don't think it occured to her that we could hear her coming home at 3am and blasting music, having threesomes (yes, we could pick out three different voices!) and screaming at her son to "fuck off back to his dad's then!"

Something to consider, hadn’t thought of this.

If it's private rented then you won’t be able to get it carpeted, not unless the landlord agrees and that's unlikely as they damage so easily

Could rugs or carpets help?

I suppose it is give and take. You can try to be as considerate as possible (not running around at night or asking where they work if working from home and then avoiding having noise above their head) but they need to understand that they have chosen to live in a ground floor flat and your have a right to a family life in your flat too.

Don't forget it's going to make a lot more noise empty! Hopefully it's less noticeable with furniture, rugs etc. good luck with your move.

Oh my goodness that’s an overreach. We live in a flat with noisy neighbours and it doesn’t bother me in the slightest. You have a right to exist! Not everyone is so sensitive to noise.

Replace the flooring with a deep pile carpet.

Look up what types of noise insulating materials you can put under carpets and add that.

Find a negative noise machine, I'm sure you can get them or noise baffles that help stop noise being transferred through the air to your neighbours.

Talk to env health for advice.

Good luck x

I cant say I fully understand why you took a flat when you have young children especially when you say you saved hard so surely you would want something worth having.

What a short sighted comment.
The issue is money. If you don’t have stacks of it, you often don’t have many options. OP needed to move, she hasn’t said why but it could be that her marriage/relationship has broken down, or that she was being evicted so the landlord could sell up, or her landlord put the rent up higher than she could afford. It could also be that the previous flat was totally unsuitable - too small, too far from schools etc. She hasn’t bought this new flat, it’s also a rental. She was saving for the deposit and moving costs. She may be tied to the area because of school provision (especially tricky with SEN - if you’ve got some good support through school it’s a bad idea to give that up) or because of co-parenting. She likely has a job and needs to be within a reasonable distance of it. She may or may not drive or own a car. Moving out more rural to a place where she could afford a detached house may just not be possible for many many reasons that are really not hard to imagine or to understand.

I lived in three different flats for years and it absolutely convinced me that kids shouldn’t be allowed to be housed in them as it’s just not good for them or anyone living in the other flats. I never had a single issue with other adults.

I have a lot of sympathy for the neighbour as I suspect his life is going to be a nightmare for years now. With any luck he’ll be able to move but finances can make that impossible (it did for me), and if that’s the case it can feel like torture.

Ultimately though - children make noise and if your neighbours don't like it then they need to go and buy a detached house in the middle of nowhere!

People who make ridiculous comments like this obviously have no experience of the hell it can be to live in flats and that those of us who do don’t all have the luxury to simply up sticks and go buy a nice detached pile in the country. If only!

i used to live in a ground floor flat and my upstairs neighbour came round within a week to complain about me ‘moving around at night’ and this was in a place that was carpeted throughout and with me in my stocking feet. I was naturally shocked and thought it was him being totally over the top.

Cut to some years later. I now live in an upstairs maisonette above other maisonettes and the sound from DOWNSTAIRS is horrendous. Kids stomping around and slamming doors - especially their back door - which makes my living room floor shake.

The reality is that most ‘modern’ flats are made not with concrete or brick between them but plasterboard and the sound carries like you wouldn’t believe.

I understand the OP has just moved in and was shocked, but imagine the poor people downstairs being suddenly confronted with what no doubt sounded like a herd of wildebeest. I’m not exaggerating. They probably came up to try to nip it in the bud as no doubt they will be anxious as fuck too about what all this is going to be like for them going forward.

There needs to be compromise when you live in flats. Not everyone living in them does so through choice but necessity. And the effect of impact noise on your nerves should not to be underestimated.

Good luck, OP. Enjoy your new home but do also be mindful that the neighbours have the right to peaceful enjoyment too.

Surely the real underlying problem is housing that's not fit for purpose?

The best and kindest thing you can do is to either go round or send a letter to explain your set up, I.e. kids with ASD/ADHD etc...explain you will be trying your best, and how...give them your phone number so you don't get awkward banging at the door and confrontation. Be overly overly gracious saying contact me if it gets too much....go armed with chocolates and wine....they'll probably never call you, text you and hopefully just ignore you xx

I had this above me when I was ground floor and I had to move. My anxiety was shot to pieces and I couldn't focus on anything. Constant noise it really a form of torture.

If you know you are going to be noisy, why take a first floor? Why not a ground floor? It seems really inconsiderate if you know your families makes excessive noise.

Indoor swings, hammock, indoor trampoline can also help.

I know this post was made with kids with SEN in mind, but in the context of this thread can I just say, Jesus fucking Christ! Can you imagine, on top of the running around upstairs on a laminate floor the addition of an indoor trampoline?!

On carpet or a mat the trampoline wouldn't make noise but might meet the child's sensory need for movement and hence reduce the need to run through the flat

I’ve never met a child that can use a trampoline without screaming…

Hid this would ruin my life. A home should be peaceful - constant banging and screaming would drive me insane and I’m afraid I’d complain to the landlord everytime the noise was excessive. Yes you have the right to exist but your poor neighbours have the right to a peaceful home. What on earth were you thinking going for a first floor flat?? Very selfish and this is not going to end well.

But the springs will drive them mad, seriously if you don’t want your neighbours to hate you then don’t get a trampoline ffs 🤦‍♀️ can’t believe someone suggested that!! The bouncing and screaming will drive them insane

The foam mats will make a huge difference, way better than carpet. Perhaps double up.

Your neighbours might hate you or they might not, but my advice is do what you can, and then don’t stress about it. And remember - you’re not the world’s only noisy neighbour. I once had a flat under a professional single man, you’d think that would be quiet but his sex life was so noisy and energetic that lightbulbs got damaged in my flat! And I’ve been woken at 3am by a terribly posh elderly person with hard hearing who absolutely had to listen to classical music at top volume in the early hours. And then there was the ‘lovely family’ who used to have screaming rows with their teens and then the bastards bought a dog that barked all the time.

So yeah. If your neighbour wants total silence he’s gonna have to save up and get himself a detached house in the countryside 🤷‍♀️

Because maybe it's the only suitable property?

Most people have/want to live in a specific area, due to work/school/family/transport links. Most people also have a budget.

When we rented an upper floors maisonette with a child with autism, it was the only thing available in the area we needed for the price we could afford. What do you propose we should have done, move to an entirely inconvenient area so that we could find a ground floor property? Or magic up a load of money we didn't have so we could rent a house instead?

Totally agree, I felt anxious just reading the OP.

love how people are suggesting the neighbours should move … how entitled is that! OP didn’t have to move into a 1st floor flat, she chose to. Complete disregard for the poor neighbours below

Also OP I don’t believe the bloke was just being nosy, he came up to remind you that they can hear all the noise you’re creating.