The neighbours are going to hate us

[Potentialneighboursfromhell]

I've just signed for the keys for a flat for me and my DC, it's on the first floor of a small block. There are 8 or 10 flats in total.

I wasn't in a position to hang about hoping something on a ground level came up.

I have 3 DC one of which has autism and adhd.

I came to the new property today to drop off a few bits ahead of the big move next week. The kids were excited, running around.

A downstairs neighbour came up to see if everything was OK and what all the noise was (it was the kids running around - this being the first time they had seen the place and they were excited)

I explained and apologised, the neighbour was fine but I got a sinking feeling as soon as I closed the door. My children are going to drive that poor man and his family mad. DS especially. He shouts, screams, bangs - due to his disability. It can't be controlled not for want of trying. Lord knows it drives me round the bend too.

I've been treading on egg shells the rest of the time we've been here. Telling the kids to "shh" and be quiet, take your shoes off so they don't hear you walking about, lower your voices, don't do this don't do that.

It's going to be hell for everybody. Kids included.

I've made a mistake haven't I? What the hell am I going to do now 😔

You had no sympathy from the start. Your entire thread has been poor me poor me. And your letter spelled it out even more. You have labelled your neighbours “petty” and “sensitive to noise”. Have you ever considered you and your ‘family noise’ might be the problem?

Oh and FYI ‘family noise’ is not screaming banging and stomping on top of someone’s ceiling.

Well it might be family noise if a member of the family is autistic.

I don't know what on earth you are trying to achieve here going on and on at the OP. Just stop.

I was giving my opinion on a public forum and then people like you started targeting me personally so I have replied to the comments.

Do your friends and family know what a bully you are on the Internet?

Atleast have the gumption to do it on Facebook under your own name and photograph. I bet you wouldn't dare.

It's really cowardly how some of you MN users carry on. What are you compensating for?

According to some here, the OP and her children should have just been homeless rather than make any noise that might bother the poor mental midgets with sensitive ears that live downstairs. I mean really? She should have just been homeless rather than disturb someone.

Sometimes, I really just have to hope and pray that some of these MNutters are just being obstreperous and are in "a mood". Anything else is just sad.

More likely, living on an upper floor would have been too taxing for them, walking up stairs or waiting for an elevator.

I really pity that couple's child. He will be one of the MNetters on here in 20 years kvetching about his difficult parents, their suffocating rules and his difficult relationship with them. Then, he'll marry and have a child with ASD. His parents will blank them out of their lives because of the noise!

OP - please don’t add to your stress by engaging with nonsense on here. You did the right thing taking this home and your neighbours are going to need to learn to share the space noise-wise. You have done nothing wrong.

Actually, it IS a very suitable property. It's her downstairs neighbors that aren't suitable.
They had the RIGHT to take any flat that accommodated their needs before they ended up homeless. Rights belong to EVERYONE, not just those that you seem to deem worthy.
The downstairs neighbors can move, wear headphones or they could, perhaps, just GTFU and realize that during daylight hours, noise is going to happen. Then they can learn to seethe, yet cope.

Some people on this thread are nuts.

OP I feel for you.. try not to let it get to you too much. You don't yet know what the downstairs neighbour can and can't hear once all your rugs and furniture are in. I can imagine running around a completely empty flat is very appealing to kids so I'm guessing that's what they did and that's probably not what they'll do day to day.
If your neighbour does come up again once you've moved in I'd just keep trying to work with them , ask them what noises are the most bothersome to them and whereabouts in the flat they hear it the most, and then try to reduce those ones. But they also need to accept that they will always hear some noise and they're not entitled to complete silence as that would mean that everyone else in the building has to stay silent and not move 😂 unfortunately that's a fact of life when it comes to living in a flat or terrace house. My neighbour has a right smokers cough and I hear her coughing on and off all day and night. It's just how it goes.

But, if she actually read and tried to understand your POV, she wouldn't be able to sit here and pontificate and that seems to be an important need for her.

I truly think that is what she is aiming for now. Being this obstreperous is just not normal behavior. It's a bit stalkerish and strange.

Anyone who thinks it would have been better for the OP to be homeless than to provide a roof over her and her DC's heads is missing something, somewhere.

The OPs new home is 3 bedroom. Of course it was built for families. It's unrealistic to expect no noise living in flats and the OP has done everything she can to minimise this. I understand as my dd lived above a family and despite them being openly drug dealing outside the flat and causing problems for all the neighbours they had the cheeks to ask my daughter not to hoover at certain times and for my dgs not to run as it might disturb the feral children below. Plus I know from my dd that private rents are snapped up so quickly and don't always want UC applicants. I hope this can be resolved for you OP xxx

The OP is in a vulnerable situation by privately renting, though. Riling her into fighting with her neighbour risks the landlord deciding she's too much trouble, and then they may not renew her tenancy, which will mean facing homelessness with a bad/no recent landlord reference. So it is in her best interests to not escalate the conflict.

I'm personally not at all advocating the OP to escalate anything, what I am advocating she do is stand up for herself.

Downstairs neighbours need to realise it isn't her sole purpose in life to exist in a way that is amenable to their sensitivities.

I have lived in many flats in my life and always avoided ground floor for this reason - people just existing makes noise that's just how it is - OPs neighbours would do well do take that on board.

The Op wasn’t made homeless though she said herself she gave notice on her ground floor flat, not that she was served notice.

People on this thread are a joke calling ME a bully when I have multiple amounts of people telling me how awful I am for having my own opinion, yet I’m the bully? I’m in the minority but I still stand by my opinion that OP has brought this situation upon herself by moving into an unsuitable housing situation and then blaming her neighbours for having an issue with the noise.

You're entitled to your opinion and you've voiced it. But what isn't right is to keep on and on, directly engaging with the OP, over and over, with your opinion. What are you trying to achieve? She's having a difficult time, she has a disabled child and her own serious health issues. She doesn't need you going on and on at her as well. Even if you were right (which most on here strongly feel you're not) she can't turn back time to rent somewhere else and she's not going to go and sit on the streets now either. So just stop, you're not helping.

You don't always know the soundproofing though until it's too late

I live on the ground floor and hear nothing from upstairs except the occasional door bang (we have fire doors and every so often one of us forgets and lets the door go!)
No washing machine noise, TV, nothing. It's really well soundproofed

A neighbour has a child with severe disabilities who screams a lot of the day, swears loudly, and generally is just really loud (I can hear her screaming now and it's at the opposite side of the street). None of us complain, the odd new neighbour asks what the noise is and we all accept it

Well she's posted my letter back through my door, no actual response from her though. If that isn't passive aggressive I don't know what is.

I'd have preferred she kept it incase she continued making complaints and it ended up going through the council, it's good to have a record of exchanges as evidence.

She did what?! Oh well, fuck her then. Disconnect the buzzer and avoid engaging with them from now on.

Speak to the landlord as planned about carpets, but try now to get on with your life there as normal. I know that's really hard but you need to keep telling yourself that you're not doing anything wrong.

Befriend the bloke next door...he could be quite useful in confirming that you're not a noise nuisance to him.

Don't worry about the record of exchanges - you keep hold of it, that's your record.

Yep! I'm really surprised she would stoop to that kind of immaturity but atleast now there's no doubt as to the type of person I'm dealing with.

I've filed the letter away, signed and dated, and will be sure to show the council and or whoever else might get involved in any noise complaints.

I agree - I'm not going to give her the time of day in future. She isn't interested in getting along and having any sort of mutual respect she just wants to complain and assert her authority. Fuck that.

Honestly OP you have tried your best in a very tricky situation and they have basically been harassing you. Time to focus on yourself and your kids. Disconnect the buzzer. There’s no pleasing them. Fuck em. Do not answer the door. They will never be happy.

I’d be living my life normally now. Don’t feel
like you have to have your TV on practically silent after 8pm, put the kids to bed at normal times. Stop stressing about going to the loo at night. The bottom line is you are not doing anything illegal. You have tried to be accommodating and changed many things about your life and they are still not happy.

With any luck she'll move and you'll get someone more understanding below you. It's not a given that people complain. We lived in a first floor flat for years with our DD who has regular ASD meltdowns. Had a series of tenants below us and nobody ever said a single word to us or the landlord. I think most people accept noise when living in flats and you've been unlucky with them.

Thanks all. I do feel as though I've done everything I can and if that isn't good enough then it is what it is and she'll just have to go the council route if she wants to carry on complaining as I'm not interested in hearing her moaning if she isn't prepared to be civil and work together to make life better for everyone.

You should get on council waiting list anyway and be proactively looking for alternative rental accommodation

I'm not able to unfortunately. The criteria is very tight and if you're housed you don't qualify.

I've tried a handful of times over the years. The only chance I'd have of getting any type of housing would be if I was completely homeless and then it would only be a b&b or hostel for an indeterminate amount of time and then probably shipped off to a different city / town miles away years down the line.

I don't need that. I can provide a roof over our heads and have done. The only person with the problem is her, her husband / partner doesn't even seem to care nor do any of my other neighbours. She'll just have to get over it or move herself.