The neighbours are going to hate us

[Potentialneighboursfromhell]

I've just signed for the keys for a flat for me and my DC, it's on the first floor of a small block. There are 8 or 10 flats in total.

I wasn't in a position to hang about hoping something on a ground level came up.

I have 3 DC one of which has autism and adhd.

I came to the new property today to drop off a few bits ahead of the big move next week. The kids were excited, running around.

A downstairs neighbour came up to see if everything was OK and what all the noise was (it was the kids running around - this being the first time they had seen the place and they were excited)

I explained and apologised, the neighbour was fine but I got a sinking feeling as soon as I closed the door. My children are going to drive that poor man and his family mad. DS especially. He shouts, screams, bangs - due to his disability. It can't be controlled not for want of trying. Lord knows it drives me round the bend too.

I've been treading on egg shells the rest of the time we've been here. Telling the kids to "shh" and be quiet, take your shoes off so they don't hear you walking about, lower your voices, don't do this don't do that.

It's going to be hell for everybody. Kids included.

I've made a mistake haven't I? What the hell am I going to do now 😔

Get floors covered in carpet, seal any gaps in floor boards, put rugs down. Seal doors properly. Don't tolerate any crap if the smell of weed is coming into your home along with toxins let them know this is obvious.

This is fucking ridiculous. Our next door (terraced) neighbour has a child with asd. She has multiple screaming, banging meltdowns a day where she will repeatedly slam the door and scream for hours on end at the top of her voice. Never, ever would I consider complaining about the noise and adding more stress to the poor family. Yeah noise is a bit irritating but it can't be helped when the child has asd.

I hope they start to be a bit more considerate and things get easier for you in general.

Great letter OP. I think you’re being incredibly kind.

I love the fact that the OP is being told they should not have moved in but yet stay quiet as a mouse about the fact that the downstairs neighbors, who cannot tolerate any noise above them, moved in on the bottom floor. Why don't THEY move to a top floor so they'll have no one above them?

The OP has been more than accommodating and the downstairs neighbors have gone from being unreasonable to bordeliner harassment.

My god, some MNnetters in this thread, who are more like MNutters are some of the rudest, most selfish people I have ever read. Sending the kids away for the weekends so some loser downstairs azzhats don't hear anything during normal hours of life? Un-frickin'-believeable.

What kind of trampoline was it? Like the jogging ones that MANY people have or a full-blown giant thing?

Some are on such a high horse that they are in danger of getting light-headed from the lack of oxygen. They better hope their saddle never slips or they'll be wallowing in the mud they keep trying to sling.

Some people have really shown just how ugly and nasty their souls truly are. The mask they wear when not on here will one day slip and everyone will see the ugly. It always seeps out.

This message ⬆and this message of yours ⬇
""why do your kids not stay at their dads on the weekend?"

Why is that any of your business ??? This site is getting worse honestly - nest of fucking vipers"

Deserve a high five, a standing ovation and upvotes (if it were possible).

The downstairs neighbors sound like hell on earth. Nasty, spoiled and entitled. Yet, with their "noise sensitivities" they moved, not into a top floor place, but the bottom floor. Between some posters here and the DSNFH, I begin to realize why society is as f#cked up as it is.

I live in a ground floor flat. I have an autistic child so everything you have posted resonates with me.
I am also on the receiving end of noise from our neighbours on both sides. My next door neighbour has a tendency towards playing loud music all day every day during the weekend, today being an example. We’ve been trying to watch a film which hasn’t been as relaxed as it might have been without R&B blaring out. But I haven’t asked them to turn it down, but I would if it went on post my daughter’s 8pm bedtime.
My upstairs neighbour has a teenage son with mental health difficulties. He has frequent episodes of loud, aggressive outbursts which usually result in a smashed window/broken furniture being thrown out of a window/ police being called.
Yes it’s disruptive, and often quite scary. But, when it’s clear she is dealing with a heartbreakingly difficult situation, have I ever moaned to my neighbour about the noise? No, I can’t imagine doing that.
I HAVE however had a chat with her face-to-face where I have empathised, listened, and asked what would be helpful/ supportive if I heart there are issues. In turn she has been apologetic.
We now have a plan- if I hear issues, I call her brother for her, if she can see her son is edging towards a meltdown then she sends me a message- it doesn’t change anything but it does mean we have the option to go out or change our plans if we want to.
Are either of us doing anything extraordinary? No.
When we moved to a ground floor home it was with the expectation that we would experience normal living noise from those around us. What you have described does not sound out of the ordinary at all.
Disabled children and families with young and boisterous children have to live somewhere. Not everybody has the choice to live in a detached property away from other people.
Those of us living in flats/ attached homes do so with the understanding that ‘normal living noise’ is not only possible but it is to be expected.
Tolerance, understanding and acceptance makes a huge difference, and you have an entitlement to enjoy living in your home as much as your downstairs neighbour.
Some of the comments on this thread have made me so sad. What kind of society do we live in where people are so thoughtless to not consider the needs of people with disabilities?

I honestly think that carpet and thick underlay will help here. I work in a flooring store and see a lot of people changing laminate for carpet due to noise complaints.

Laminate has a very hollow noise and tends to carry and amplify all sound. We used to have it in a spare bedroom/study and scooting the wheeled office chair a few feet to the printer used to sound like an earthquake to anyone in the living room which was directly underneath. It sounds louder than it does if you were actually in the room.

You can double bank underlay too, do a layer of foam rubber acoustic underlay and then use spray glue to add another layer of foam underlay on top, then the carpet. Don't go less than 10mm.

You'll probably have to shave a little off the bottom of the doors but most carpet fitters can do that. Go very dense and tightly packed pile carpets, not loose pile shaggy ones as the denser ones are more efficient at deadening sound and easier to pick mashed wotsits out of.

Bears repeating until it sinks into some people's brains!

IF YOU NEED SILENCE, DON'T LIVE IN A FLAT!
Especially a bottom floor one. CFers.

Great advice - tbh OP I would push the cost of this back to your landlord given you rent.

Noise from people above you is always the worst - completely different from next door noise. If the ceilings and floors aren't well insulated, the noise gets amplified through the air between the floors. I have lived somewhere with loud neighbours above me and it did drive me almost to the brink of sanity and I took a large financial loss to move as I really couldn't stand not ever being able to relax or feel calm in my own space. I have also lived above others where a lot of effort is put into keeping quiet and that is easier as you have control. When you are underneath, there is little you can do other than fans and white noise machines to try to limit the disruptions. It is the off and on aspect of the noise that is the hardest as just when it gets quiet and you think you can relax, it starts up again.

I don't know about ordinances in your area. In ours where I live now, you can't 'interfere with another tenant's reasonable enjoyment of their own property'. In this case both of you might have a complaint related to that.

You are not alone OP, this is a major issue everywhere. It is just very hard to be an upstairs neighbour in a poorly insulated building and you ahve additional noises. You might have seen this video that went viral.

Because OP shouldn’t have moved to an upstairs flat and that is the whole point. Her downstairs neighbours have kids themselves that’s why I imagine they live in a ground floor flat because they wouldn’t want to inflict noise on people below them. OP claims they didn’t even consider that noise might be an issue because they lived in a ground floor flat previously. That’s their oversight and the whole issue here IMO.

I also love how my point of why does the kids other parent not have their own children more to give OP a break and more support has turned into “sending the kids away” I fully believe OP does need more support and if Dad can come round to move furniture about (which caused another complaint) then surely he can be around to help parent his own children?

Do you seriously think that the downstairs neighbours chose a ground floor flat solely to avoid inflicting noise on people below them?

Don't be ridiculous. In recent times rental properties have become hotly contested between multiple applicants. Choosing a flat will be based on what's available basically in your budget and area you need. Nobody would be sitting around waiting to be accepted on a ground floor flat so that they don't upset an unknown neighbour, meanwhile potentially letting multiple suitable properties pass them by when they need somewhere to live.

The downstairs neighbours won't have done that and it's completely unreasonable to suggest that the OP should have done.

meanwhile potentially letting multiple suitable properties pass them by when they need somewhere to live

That is the point a lot of people are missing. It’s not a suitable property and that is why this whole issue has come about.

In what way isn't it suitable? It's an affordable roof over her head.

Do you seriously think that the downstairs neighbours chose a ground floor flat solely to avoid inflicting noise on people below them?

Yes most people do think about what may or may not be a suitable living environment and how it might effect them and those around them.

Her downstairs neighbours have kids themselves that’s why I imagine they live in a ground floor flat because they wouldn’t want to inflict noise on people below them

Yes I'm sure that's exactly why they opted to choose a ground floor flat 🙄

The OP has said that she has been rejected for multiple properties due to being on UC, and that she wasn't in a position to hang around. We don't need to know the ins and outs of her circumstances but I can imagine reasons why somebody may need somewhere new to live quickly, and I'm sure you can too. So no, I do not think most people in the OP's shoes would prioritise people they've never met who may or may not be affected by noise, over themselves and their own child's need for a home. Jesus.

Ok but then she can’t be shocked and surprised when those people take issue with it. Seriously it’s not unexpected that this would be the outcome, it just takes a bit of common sense.

Do you think that everybody living under a family with an autistic child having meltdowns would keep going up to complain? I can tell you from experience that they don't.

What are you talking about "she can't be shocked and surprised when those people take issue with it"?

Have you read my OP fgs 😂

Because you made the active choice to move into a first floor flat with 3 children, one of which has ASD with meltdowns, bangs and crashes about and screams. In your own words. So as much as I feel for your difficult situation I feel more for the people living below you who i imagine had a much more peaceful life before you chose to move in above them.

You know what's not a suitable living situation ?

Homelessness.

Honestly @PixieLaLa youre bordering on picking on the OP now.

OK but have you actually read my follow on posts? I needed to move. I was in no position to hang about waiting for "something more suitable"

I'm sure the downstairs neighbours did have a much more peaceful life before we moved in but that is a privilege that rarely lasts when you live in a block of flats.

I had a much more peaceful life when I didn't have to worry about people like that being absolute arseholes about family noise during daytime hours.

The sympathy I had for them is quickly fading thanks to comments like yours. Bollocks to them then 🙂✌️