The neighbours are going to hate us

[Potentialneighboursfromhell]

I've just signed for the keys for a flat for me and my DC, it's on the first floor of a small block. There are 8 or 10 flats in total.

I wasn't in a position to hang about hoping something on a ground level came up.

I have 3 DC one of which has autism and adhd.

I came to the new property today to drop off a few bits ahead of the big move next week. The kids were excited, running around.

A downstairs neighbour came up to see if everything was OK and what all the noise was (it was the kids running around - this being the first time they had seen the place and they were excited)

I explained and apologised, the neighbour was fine but I got a sinking feeling as soon as I closed the door. My children are going to drive that poor man and his family mad. DS especially. He shouts, screams, bangs - due to his disability. It can't be controlled not for want of trying. Lord knows it drives me round the bend too.

I've been treading on egg shells the rest of the time we've been here. Telling the kids to "shh" and be quiet, take your shoes off so they don't hear you walking about, lower your voices, don't do this don't do that.

It's going to be hell for everybody. Kids included.

I've made a mistake haven't I? What the hell am I going to do now 😔

I've just checked and have a button to put my buzzer on silent so will utilise that when I suspect they'll come banging.

I've printed the letter and I'm about to go and post it now. To be honest I really don't want a response from it. I hope she reads it and leaves it at that but I guess I can't control how she responds and if she wants to then she will.

Quite nervous now.

If she posts a letter back would you even bother to read it?

Definitely. You need to keep a record of all correspondence between you.

Well done OP, it's a great letter. Personally I think if they persist in complaining to you after that letter they're pricks, and you're to stop pandering to them immediately, any further complaint should be met with "please refer to my letter" and a swift door shutting!

If it continues post letter id say it's definitely bordering on harassment!

Yes. Absolutely.

I get the temptation to bury your head in the sand especially if you're conflict averse but you need to keep abreast of all correspondence

I've just had a chat with my next door neighbour, a big burly bloke so not somebody who would be worried about being upfront. He said she's talking a load of rubbish. He never hears loud noise from us and he works from home all day, unlike the downstairs neighbours, so If we were going to be problematic for anybody it would be him. He thinks it's ridiculous that I've had so much crap from them so soon.

Being under someone is very different from being on the side

Good luck OP. You've done everything you can and you are doing your best to manage the noise. I think a lot of poeple don't really understand meltdowns and how distressing they really are for everyone involved. Fingers crossed the letter helps your neighbours understand.

If the noise, floor aside, was excessive next door would hear it and be disturbed by it.

Sorry but your original letter was very accusatory, for example the part where you effectively blame them for your son having more meltdowns because you had to get rid of his trampoline. What sort of inconsiderate person would ever think it was appropriate to have a trampoline in an upstairs flat in the first place?!

I do think it’s fair enough pointing out the changes you have made to limit noise and asking them not to knock on your door anymore as I can understand that must be stressful. This all just goes back to the point of how it wasn’t suitable you moving there in the first place and I can imagine they will keep complaining to the council, which they are within their rights to do.

A big burley next door neighbour being fine with the noise has absolutely no relevance to your downstairs neighbours having an issue with your noise.

Why do your kids not stay at their Dads on weekends? Especially with this noise situation and your health problems it sounds like you need more support.

The trampoline was gone before we'd even moved in, I got rid of it in advance because i was being considerate. Establish facts before having a pop at somebody!

He is more dysregulated due to not having his sensory things, that is a fact.

I wrote the first letter during heightened emotions. It didn't get sent.

Get off your high horse.

Oh OP I feel for you

You are doing your absolute best in severely trying circumstances and the hassle you are getting from these neighbours is way over the top

Great letter

I am also so glad you saw the other neighbour and hopefully he's put your mind at rest that things are not as bad as they are making out

Did you get any news back from anyone who can help with a grant towards carpets?

Hope you get some breathing space to prepare for everything happening with your health issue too

Sorry if I come across as snippy, I'm feeling a bit defensive. It has been a hard week.

They can't stay anywhere else at weekends. I have them full time. I've signed them up to extra activities that I can't really afford without tightening my already tight belt, just so we're out of the flat more.

No, you're fine. There's been some really stupid replies on this thread which imo are deliberately trying to wind you up.

I'm glad you spoke to your other neighbour, let that put your mind at ease a bit. Every time you feel anxious about downstairs, remind yourself what he said.

glad you came to your senses and didn’t send the first letter. What a load of passive aggressive ‘I’m sorry you feel that way’ cheek. You’re the ones making the noise, they’re the ones having to live with it

"why do your kids not stay at their dads on the weekend?"

Why is that any of your business ??? This site is getting worse honestly - nest of fucking vipers

Imagine living in a ground floor flat and expecting everyone to quite literally tiptoe around you though.

The woman in the flat seems like bloody hard work.

OP, stop justifying yourself. Especially to nosey fuckers on here who've nothing better to do on a bank holiday than pick apart someone who is clearly already having a hard time.

@Potentialneighboursfromhell I just need to say you have all my sympathy OP. People need to learn tolerance of others and understand when people are making an effort and living with extreme difficulty. I'm so sorry.
And TBH it sounds as though the woman's partner is on your side as much as he can be without causing his own problems. I hope you can take some heart from that and I hope things get better, you do sound very stressed and upset which isn't doing anyone any good.

If you need silence, don't live in a flat.

Have no choice? Well neither does the OP.

Louder for the people in the back!

My sons miniature indoor trampoline for example and his balance board which were actually pretty important to him for meeting his sensory needs and regulating his emotions. I have no doubt that my getting rid of those things has only destabilised him further and will be contributing to how unsettled he is at the moment.

That does come across almost like your blaming them though that’s all I was pointing out. I also think it’s fair to question why the children’s other parent isn’t helping out more when OP is clearly struggling. That isn’t “having a pop”.

If they come knocking again your only suggestion should be that they report the noise to the council. It is extremely likely the council will decide it is completely normal noise, and that will hopefully make her back off.

To be completely clear, the miniature trampoline was given to charity before we moved in.

I don't know what's wrong with some of you on here, very bizarre. Thankfully I rarely encounter people like this IRL.

Thank you so much those of you having my back on here, I appreciate it!