The neighbours are going to hate us

[Potentialneighboursfromhell]

I've just signed for the keys for a flat for me and my DC, it's on the first floor of a small block. There are 8 or 10 flats in total.

I wasn't in a position to hang about hoping something on a ground level came up.

I have 3 DC one of which has autism and adhd.

I came to the new property today to drop off a few bits ahead of the big move next week. The kids were excited, running around.

A downstairs neighbour came up to see if everything was OK and what all the noise was (it was the kids running around - this being the first time they had seen the place and they were excited)

I explained and apologised, the neighbour was fine but I got a sinking feeling as soon as I closed the door. My children are going to drive that poor man and his family mad. DS especially. He shouts, screams, bangs - due to his disability. It can't be controlled not for want of trying. Lord knows it drives me round the bend too.

I've been treading on egg shells the rest of the time we've been here. Telling the kids to "shh" and be quiet, take your shoes off so they don't hear you walking about, lower your voices, don't do this don't do that.

It's going to be hell for everybody. Kids included.

I've made a mistake haven't I? What the hell am I going to do now 😔

I'm glad most people aren't this fucking selfish.

@StressedToTheMaxxx

yes sorry!

my comment was in response to @MrsTerryPratchett

I'm another who has been the person living next to the noisemakers from hell. Constant stomping, banging, shrieking, being woken multiple times in the night. Unfortunately for us, the adults in the house were not as considerate as you and made zero efforts to mitigate (and told us as much).

We expected day time noise, but being woken multiple times in the night was what broke us and made our natural sympathies disappear. If you can focus on preventing this, it would go a long way.

Was the 'stomping, banging and shrieking' a disabled child/adult?

It’s not ableist to be affected by intrusive noise, regardless of who is making it.

You’re way more sympathetic when the noise is associated with disability but it’s still going to be bloody awful and soul-destroying when it happens at 3am.

There has been actual ableism on the thread though - posters with ND-related misophonia have been told they’re being dramatic and need to see a doctor.

OK but assuming it's always possible to prevent this type of noise is really ignorant, at best.

Oh well the neighbours will have to get used to it!

Children run and make noise 🤷‍♀️

Mitigation should always be considered, though. You might not be able to prevent the noise but you can try to dampen it - rugs, mats, no shoes indoors, etc.

You don’t just get to say “well my child has additional needs so I won’t try and make it easier on anyone else and anyone objecting to this is ableist.”

Was the 'stomping, banging and shrieking' a disabled child/adult?

@AllOfThemWitches

Does being disabled somehow dampen the noise level?

I feel sorry for you dealing with keeping children quiet but, I have absolute sympathy with your neighbours. My next door neighbour ( in a semi detached) has fitted laminate flooring to her entire house .. bedrooms kitchen, lounge and staircase. With 3 children and two dogs running about the noise is almost unbearable. I asked if they had used underlay ( maybe to muffle the sound) .she didn't think it needed it. I know children are noisy creatures and I've had 3 of my own. But my word its loud ... the stamping of feet and screaming etc. Our lounges and bedrooms are joined so there is no getting away from it. But I must congratulate you on being considerate enough to ask for advice and planning ahead to reduce the impact on neighbours .but your children are entitled to play and live their lives too. Maybe agree to keep a certain time of evening relatively noise free? It's a tough one but enjoy your new home ..and your children .

Obviously not but it makes it a hell of a lot harder to prevent.

Mitigation should always be considered, though. You might not be able to prevent the noise but you can try to dampen it - rugs, mats, no shoes indoors, etc.

Yeah and what happens when you do all that to no avail?

That’s a totally different scenario from the one you called that poster out for, though. They said that their neighbours had told them they weren’t bothering with any mitigation measures.

Rugs and no shoes etc. will dampen the sound, and in a situation where noise is constant and intrusive, every little helps. Ultimately if it’s still too much to tolerate then chances are the person being driven mad will end up having to leave (I did, 3 times). But it doesn’t make them unreasonable to feel disgruntled at having to do that, even if the neighbour did all they could to mitigate. Intrusive noise is used as a torture method for a reason - it’s very impactful.

As a previous poster who has a brother on verge of a nervous breakdown because of similar situation, I can sympathise massively. Have been there myself and it was hell on earth. OP I feel for you but I feel for your new neighbour more. Sorry.

I'm in a similar situation. Been living in a flat with two extremely noisy children, one of whom is also SEN and who just doesn't get it.
Our downstairs neighbour used to come to our door and have meltdowns, and we try everything to keep the noise down, absolutely no shoes, carpets and rugs everywhere, we've taken doors off so that they can't slam them, got rid of the most noisy toys, tried to do calmer activities at home, knacker them out in the park, etc. Etc. Etc.

With time, we've realised that although the children are noisy, our neighbour is actually super sensitive to noise (came up losing the plot last year as she said we'd left a fan on all weekend, we even went to her flat to see what she could hear and although we have very sharp hearing could barely hear anything more than the faintest of sounds, turned out she was right, but it was the neighbour below her who had left her fan on all weekend). To be honest, she's not complained since last summer now and I think she's sedated. She's totally sedated when I see her. I often wonder if it's cos she needs in it general or if it's our kids. Anyways, we're moving in 2 months and I'm sure she'll be absolutely delighted.

I live in a semi with a 10yr old with ASD and ADHD, he up with the birds and shouts, scream, runs around. I can't stop it at all. I'm sure the whole can hear him.ahouting 'child abuse' when I turn the internet off and try to give him a time out.

Unfortunately nothing you can do about it

I don't have experience with children so don't flame me but .. are there medications that could mitigate some of the noise and activity?

Could be worse. Autistic meltdowns at 1.30am here. (I was ill, not up to doing everything normally, they were ill too, and grumpier than normal)

Try those rubber camping mats currently in Aldi. Bookshelves/wardrobe/cupboard against adjoining walls.

Occupational therapy to keep him as calm as possible.

Let everyone know he's autistic.

Wow! Pot calling kettle black there? I've read all OPs posts so far and haven't seen even a hint of what you're accusing them of! Just self awareness and worry about annoying neighbours, and listening to suggestions of what they can do to annoy the neighbours less. In fact the opposite of your accusations!

Yes - this!

OP you sound like a lovely neighbour 💝

You have my sympathy. For the past 18 months or so my DS has developed a 'script' whereby he shouts "help me, arrrrrrrgh somebody help!" when he's upset / angry / in meltdown. My current neighbours know us well and have never said a word but it does worry me what the neighbours at the new flat will think or do. I have concerns about being reported to social services to be honest. I'll definitely have to debrief them at the earliest opportunity.

If you're referring to my comments, I didn't refer ND people having nervous breakdowns due to neighbour noise to their Drs, just anyone who is - I stand by my belief that they most likely have an underlying problem, which isn't something to be ashamed of.

I spoke to the landlady yesterday she's going to be doing the contract today and I'm meeting her at lunch time to get my copy. I've jotted down a few things to raise IE asking if it's possible to have a carpet put in, at my cost if needs be (I'll get on to family fund, I'm sure they'd be happy to help in this situation)

I'd also like some sort of handle putting on the front door so it doesn't need to be pulled hard to close, causing a bang. I can also sort that myself if needs be. Handles are inexpensive and I have a drill.

He does have carpets fitted in his flat. His flat is not the problem it’s the flat above him that doesn’t have carpets. Just a laminate floor.. 🧐