To ask for space and ventilation on crowded trains.

[Booblessbeauty]

I am going backward and forward to hospital having chemotherapy, and the medical advice is to sit away from other passengers and keep the windows open. Some trains are standing room only, and I have to ask for space to be left near me when there are no other seats. Most people are kind and understanding, but I have had chemotherapy today, and both going in and coming out, I have had people ignore my requests.

On my way in, on a crowded rush hour train, a man insisted on moving my bag and sitting on the seat next to me, even though I had paid an extra ticket for my bag, and explained to him about the chemo.

On the way back, another man insisted on closing all the windows in the carriage, because he "felt cold" even though an infection could kill me

It is quite obvious I am undergoing chemotherapy, as I am bald, wearing a mask, and have a sunflower lanyard around my neck with "Chemotherapy patient needing social distancing and ventilation" written on it quite clearly. - The hospital gives this to patients who have to travel to chemotherapy by public transport.

Most people are lovely, but today was quite upsetting. The worst thing that has ever happened to me on these trips was a well dressed young woman in a business suit physically kicking me out of the way because I couldn't move fast enough for her, then acting as if she was the one hard done by, being forced to touch me with her precious shoe.

Thank you to all those people who do listen and understand , and give me space though. Which is most people

I would be trying to find private transport if I was you. Or travelling before rush hour if you can.

Sounds difficult. Unfortunately passengers are used to people being selfish and trying to take up space with their bags instead of allowing someone else to have a seat (my favourite experience was me being on the edge of three seats, with my bag in the middle seat and the third seat empty. Some cow asked me to move my bag so she could have the middle seat, then plonked her bag on the empty third seat. So basically her request was "can you move your bag off the seat so I can put my bag on one"). This knowledge leads to a dog eat dog attitude, if you show other people an inch of courtesy they'll drive a bus through it.

It's a pity trains don't have compartments these days, in the old days you could have just booked an entire compartment and locked the door.

Could you speak to the Macmillan team or PALS at your hospital? Most run some sort of schemes to help get to hospital, be it Macmillan grants that you could use for taxis, or volunteer driver schemes? I think expecting air and social distance on commuter trains is unrealistic unfortunately. Even if you didn't encounter the inconsiderate behaviour you have so far, with the best will in the world, there often no space to leave, and some trains wouldn't have opening windows anyway.

there is no possibility of either, unfortunately. I have left a couple of hours early before, the trains are still too crowded, and I have had to wait outside the chemotherapy for hours before it opens.

yes, I have spoken to them, there is nothing else available. There is no alternative, they just reiterated to do my best to keep up social distancing, and have the windows open. There is no alternative, unfortunately

No I don't think this is feasible. Private transport is the way forward. Good idea to ask if there is any help available. Some neighbourhoods have a scheme to take folk to and from hospital. You might be entitled to subsidised taxi fares.

I’m sorry but it’s just unrealistic, it’s public transport.
You have my sympathies as I have quite a few close relatives are currently going through chemo.

If you can’t afford a taxi/ can’t get a lift with anyone for some of the journeys then I second the PP about looking into grants etc.

Honestly most people initial thought to the sunflower lanyard will be the people who us it as an anti mask point.
I doubt anyone who walks too close to you is trying to cause you harm but they are just trying to get home. Someone walking behind you isn’t going to know you you’ve just come back from chemo. It sounds like it was an accident rather than ‘physically kicking you out of the way’.

There must be something someone can do for you? you definitely should not be travelling on public transportation when you are immunocompromised. Trains and busses are basically moving germ machines, even when you have 'space'. Don't put yourself at risk.

no, there is no alternative to travelling by train, I have already investigated every possibility.

Your GP or socialist nurse should be able to arrange hospital transport for this. They were very happy to offer it for my dad for chemo and my mum was offered it all the way to a London hospital recently as the only other option was public transport.

MacMillan could help with finances - checking you’re getting all you’re entitled to so that you can afford to get a taxi?

I can’t believe getting a train is your only option when it’s so important that you keep your risk of infection low.

First class should be less crowded?

Sounds stressful but you can’t expect social distancing on a packed standing room only train. People are going to get on where there’s space and will want to sit on seats that don’t have a person sitting on them, it’s totally reasonable. It’s public transport for the masses not for the specific needs of 1 person. Sorry you’re in this position and I hope treatment goes well but I think you need to sort private transport.

*specialist nurse, sorry!

(I think, like a lot of things when dealing with cancer, chemo etc, you might need to do some jumping up and down about getting assistance. Sorry, it’s a shit time to have to worry about this, I know.)

On a practical level for when it's impossible to sit away from people, have you thought about FFP3 masks? We wore them at work (in hospital) all through the pandemic. It might give you some peace of mind.

no, it was deliberate, I assure you, absolutely no accident, yelling at me to move out of the way as they approached me, then when I couldn't move fast enough, heavy sigh, pained expression, and repeated hard kicks. No mistaking it for an accident - it was the whole expression of "OMG look what I am having to do to clear the crap out of the way so that I can walk as fast as I need to". This woman seriously thought SHE was the one being wronged.

Is there the option to travel in a different carriage class?

Unfortunately it's a crowded commuter train, space is a premium and there are other people trying to travel too. Closing windows in cold weather (whilst you might need ventilation) is sensible for probably most people on there, other people might be struggling with the cold.

Is there no taxis or anything at all? Or patient transport?

Unfortunately I don't think what your expecting is really feasible on packed public transport. In your situation I would be prioritising money for taxis/paying someone petrol money to drive me if there really is no other option.

Does your hospital have a volunteer group?
Our hospital has volunteer drivers, where for a small fee to cover petrol costs they will take/ collect you for appointments.
(usually £2 -£5 depending on distance)
Or can you speak to your team and have appointments for quieter times?

I agree, public transport during busy periods is carnage. So no helpful advice.

Wow I’m so sorry about the cancer and hope the chemo goes well.

You can’t change the world, only live in it. Public transport brings out the worst in people, and many people are assholes anyway. So asking for space / ventilation isn’t going to work well. 😔 Doesn’t matter whether or not it should work, it just isn’t going to.

So. Turn your mind and energy to other options. Can you get a loan / borrow money from family to either get a taxi or rent a room in a b&b near the hospital for the treatment week? Have you approached every charity / volunteer network you can find? I’ve done volunteer driving pretty randomly simply because someone asked on our Facebook Mum’s group and I felt sorry for them and I had the free time. Could you try asking local Facebook and Church networks for help / advice? Vicars are actually quite good at this sort of thing and even if you are not a Christian, to your local vicar yoh are still part of his “flock” that he looks after.

(Ps if you do accept volunteer drifer help, do offer petrol money - I stopped doing it because it was getting expensive).

I hope you find a solution and that the chemo goes well.

I really feel for you. But trains are often over crowded and I think if someone has paid for a seat then they can reasonably expect to sit down.

Can you (or someone on your behalf) speak to the train company to get assistance for you on your journey - IF there's no joy from any of the other suggestions.

I have a grant from McMillian, that is what pays the train fare, and they said to buy an extra ticket for my bag, so I can have an empty seat next to me.

There is no other option, and it isn't only one person, that the hospital could possibly accommodate on their transport, it is many of us, and the available transport takes less than 1 in 10.

So it is train, only. There is nothing else

I really feel for you as it's a very difficult situation. Unfortunately having a ticket doesn't guarantee you a seat on the train so buying an extra ticket for your bag is a waste of money. If you're travelling during rush hour then trains are going to be busy and people won't be able to avoid being near you and won't stand if there are seats available. The windows issue is probably less of an issue than the volume of people on the train.

Are you well enough to stand for the journey? If so it might be a better option to stand by the doors so that you get fresh air when the train stops and doors open. And if you get close to the door and stand facing it then you will be facing away from others.

I don't think there is an easy answer other than to avoid travelling in rush hour as much as possible.

Instead of using the money to buy an extra seat in standard, buy a first class seat. Select "not a table" and there's a good chance it will be one of the single seats. If it isn't, ask someone to swap - assuming the carriage is full, which it often isn't.

Use the grant to pay for a taxi? 2 seats on a train are probably more expensive than a taxi?