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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for space and ventilation on crowded trains.

133 replies

Booblessbeauty · 05/04/2023 13:15

I am going backward and forward to hospital having chemotherapy, and the medical advice is to sit away from other passengers and keep the windows open. Some trains are standing room only, and I have to ask for space to be left near me when there are no other seats. Most people are kind and understanding, but I have had chemotherapy today, and both going in and coming out, I have had people ignore my requests.

On my way in, on a crowded rush hour train, a man insisted on moving my bag and sitting on the seat next to me, even though I had paid an extra ticket for my bag, and explained to him about the chemo.

On the way back, another man insisted on closing all the windows in the carriage, because he "felt cold" even though an infection could kill me

It is quite obvious I am undergoing chemotherapy, as I am bald, wearing a mask, and have a sunflower lanyard around my neck with "Chemotherapy patient needing social distancing and ventilation" written on it quite clearly. - The hospital gives this to patients who have to travel to chemotherapy by public transport.

Most people are lovely, but today was quite upsetting. The worst thing that has ever happened to me on these trips was a well dressed young woman in a business suit physically kicking me out of the way because I couldn't move fast enough for her, then acting as if she was the one hard done by, being forced to touch me with her precious shoe.

Thank you to all those people who do listen and understand , and give me space though. Which is most people

OP posts:
thegrain · 05/04/2023 14:31

I think unfortunately it sounds like you are wanting some kind of private public transport.

Original poster
Booblessbeauty · 05/04/2023 14:31

mrsm43s · 05/04/2023 14:21

I don't think you can expect a seat kept free next to you, or the window being open on a packed commuter train.

Ideal would be hospital or charity provided transport, but in the absence of that then a First Class ticket, a taxi, travelling outside of rush hour or booking into hotel/b&b near the treatment centre are all more realistic options than what you're currently trying to do. Why would these options not work for you?

I hope you find a solution that works for you.

thanks, The main reason these wont work is because I am on benefits of £70 something a week, and taxis, hotels, etc are totally out of the question! I have money specifically from a grant for train fare. You cant travel out of rush hour, because if you have a morning appointment, all trains before it are rush hour trains.

OP posts:
onefinemess · 05/04/2023 14:31

Just one of those things OP.

It's unrealistic to think that complete strangers would care about you or your illness.

Original poster
Booblessbeauty · 05/04/2023 14:33

CC4712 · 05/04/2023 14:23

Have you asked the ward whether you could have chemo on weekends or at a time where you wouldn't be travelling at peak times?

yes, I have asked this, but the trouble is everybody want that, because of course everybody has the same trouble with the trains, so we all have to have a turn of travelling at peak times

OP posts:
Original poster
Booblessbeauty · 05/04/2023 14:34

I am going to speak to the train company, and also look into the possibility of buying a first class ticket. THAnk you for those suggestions

OP posts:
thegrain · 05/04/2023 14:35

They might let you stand in the bike compartment if there is one? Or you could lock yourself in the loo?

SlashBeef · 05/04/2023 14:37

I can't believe someone kicked you! That's appalling!
Definitely speak to the train company and look into a first class ticket. That carriage should at least be less crowded.

Albiboba · 05/04/2023 14:38

@thegrain Or you could lock yourself in the loo?

Terrible advice.

emptythelitterbox · 05/04/2023 14:39

How long is the train trip each time?

TriggeredByGravy · 05/04/2023 14:40

Ah op sorry to hear this. I would give you space - but I also know someone else would just barge straight into the void. So it's an impossible ask really

ilovesooty · 05/04/2023 14:41

Are you not claiming PIP? That might help you to pay for private transport.

Original poster
Booblessbeauty · 05/04/2023 14:42

emptythelitterbox · 05/04/2023 14:39

How long is the train trip each time?

Just under an hour and a half. Sometimes a bit more.

OP posts:
TheYearOfSmallThings · 05/04/2023 14:42

Have you tried the Royal Voluntary Service? They will often provide transport for people who don't meet the criteria for hospital PT.

Failing that, you could tell people you have just had radiotherapy and they should stay 1.5 metres from you for their own wellbeing as you are still mildly radioactive. Give a big reassuring smile and say "I mean, just mildly. Nothing to worry about."

Original poster
Booblessbeauty · 05/04/2023 14:43

TheYearOfSmallThings · 05/04/2023 14:42

Have you tried the Royal Voluntary Service? They will often provide transport for people who don't meet the criteria for hospital PT.

Failing that, you could tell people you have just had radiotherapy and they should stay 1.5 metres from you for their own wellbeing as you are still mildly radioactive. Give a big reassuring smile and say "I mean, just mildly. Nothing to worry about."

haha! Like it! A friend has also suggested greenish make up and carrying a sick bowl 😂

OP posts:
Original poster
Booblessbeauty · 05/04/2023 14:44

ilovesooty · 05/04/2023 14:41

Are you not claiming PIP? That might help you to pay for private transport.

I am making an application at the moment. It would be great if it works out.

OP posts:
SouthCountryGirl · 05/04/2023 14:45

ilovesooty · 05/04/2023 14:41

Are you not claiming PIP? That might help you to pay for private transport.

You can only claim this if care and /or mobility needs have lasted for 3 months and expect to last another 9. Unless applying under special rules for terminal illness.

BitOutOfPractice · 05/04/2023 14:46

Bloody hell op I think i’ve heard the worst people can be and then I read this. I’m so sorry you have encountered such monumentally arseholian behaviour.

I have no advice I’m afraid. I would give you whatever you needed and I’d like to think I’d step in to support you if I saw you on the receiving end of this treatment too. What is the world coming to?

I wish you very heart felt good wishes for your treatment and good luck going forward. 💐

TheOrigRights · 05/04/2023 14:47

Gosh OP, I'm so sorry. I can understand people initially being frustrated when first seeing the situation, but once they understand the reasons you'd think they'd show some compassion.

Our village still has our community neighbourhood helping hands whatsapp/Facebook group set up during lockdown. A group of us are on hand to offer assistance (usually transport or picking up prescriptions) for those who don't have their own transport.

Does anything like that exist where you live?

pontipinemum · 05/04/2023 14:48

That's awful someone kicked you!

I'm in Ireland but I know places like the Irish Cancer Society have volunteers to drive patients to chemo. I had a quick google for Britain there are lots of charities, have you called each of them?

TheOrigRights · 05/04/2023 14:49

thegrain · 05/04/2023 14:35

They might let you stand in the bike compartment if there is one? Or you could lock yourself in the loo?

What a state our society is in.

This reminds me of my solicitor suggesting I lock myself in my garden office to protect myself from my abusive ex.
Have a think before you type speak.

Maple2023 · 05/04/2023 14:50

I wear a Cambridge mask if you don't have one already (neutropenic for life)
I know people say don't use trains/planes etc but for me when this is lifelong, it's not realistic so I stick with the Cambridge masks

BCfan · 05/04/2023 14:50

A better option would be investing the money you've set aside for the extra ticket on a really really top quality filter mask

glitterisntgendered · 05/04/2023 14:52

Goodness me, I can't believe it's unrealistic to except a stranger to care about you!! Is that really the state of the world? I'm so sorry people have been so horribly selfish OP. I agree that maybe a better quality mask might be the solution?

Flatandhappy · 05/04/2023 14:52

As someone who had really aggressive fortnightly chemo for months I hate to press the YABU button but unfortunately, travelling on public transport sad as it is you just can’t expect people to give you space. I don’t know who told you to pay for a seat for your bag as that is just ridiculous. Are there no charities who could provide transport? Where I live (not UK) volunteer transport to hospital is quite easily accessed. I hope your treatment goes well, it’s horrible to have the stress of a difficult journey on top of shitty chemo.

JenniferBarkley · 05/04/2023 14:55

glitterisntgendered · 05/04/2023 14:52

Goodness me, I can't believe it's unrealistic to except a stranger to care about you!! Is that really the state of the world? I'm so sorry people have been so horribly selfish OP. I agree that maybe a better quality mask might be the solution?

Not so much that it's unrealistic to expect a stranger to care, but unrealistic to expect distancing to be possible on public transport. Also unrealistic not to expect other passengers to need seats as well for their own health.