To not understand the expectation of privacy re phones

[sometimestoomuch]

Among people you are close with but I guess I'm talking about partners really. My boyfriend has looked through my phone before (to look at my pictures) without my knowledge and while I was a bit embarrassed I don't actually care. I've looked at his. Granted I'm a nosy person.
The strength of feeling on this is baffling to me... what is it actually that's on your phones that you want so deeply to keep private? For me it doesn't go beyond embarrassment, and if it did it would signify some kind of wrongdoing tbh.

Is it all one big cheater conspiracy? A woman will post on here suspecting her partner of cheating and God forbid she lets slip that she looked at his phone or the entire thread will become about how INSANE she is

I was once on a bus and a man was listening to his bank balance on loud speaker 😂 he wasn't the least bit phased, had less than £40. Good for him.

I never understand this either. Why would he need to do something on your phone? I've never needed to use anyone's phone as I always have mine

Yes I think they are, it's the school holidays after all. That and their lack of life experience to understand simple things.

I can’t even remember what he does. He grabbed it the other night and blasted through my password to twiddle something or other. I was quite impressed he remembered it as he rarely goes into my phone. That’s why it sticks in my mind.

Our phones and devices are linked anyway. Plus we have location set so if I fancied having an affair I’d have to get a burger phone 🤣

*burner 😬

I bitch about my nutso family to my bestie. It would cause a whole drama if they knew.

There's nothing actually private as such, but given my whole life is on my phone it feels a bit invasive. Also who knows if I might have a dodgy selfish or google search

There is absolutely nothing in any aspect of my phone that I would be uncomfortable with DP seeing. However it is very intrusive. I have a right to my privacy and DP has a right to his.

This is a windup because no way would anyone post this and then go on - on mumsnet - about people being jealous about them being in a relationship. Half of us have been in one for a million years so far, and have approximately 7.5 millions children between us. I think a new poll asking if people could work out that friends might be messaging us private things they wouldn’t want our partners to know would show that the majority of people over the age of 16 could have factored that into their thinking. If they weren’t busy posting about being 😇blessed😇 for having a partner. That will cut into thinking time, obviously.

OP, you're asking the wrong question. It's not "why wouldn't you let your partner go through your phone", it's "why would you ?"

I wouldn't, for the same reason I wouldn't share my bank passwords. If my partner wants to know something about my bank account, they can ask me. Just as if they wanted to borrow money from me they should ask, not just help themselves.

I was actually surprised to see my SIL go through my brother's phone. She said it was a trust thing and if he didn't want her to she'd wonder why. Me, personally, I'd wonder why they insisted on it. To each their own I guess.

For the record I'm happily single, and don't plan on changing that anytime soon, but even if I was married I wouldn't want my husband to go through my phone, or even to know the password. It's private, there's absolutely no reason for them to have access to it, and that's it.

Well really where is the need to think when one is so gloriously happy 😇

To each their own is exactly the point but on this forum there is always an insane reaction from those that want total privacy with their phones to those that don’t

I do talk to them of course but it rarely gets into the nitty gritty emotional stuff. Plus, despite what people may think, my boyfriend and I don’t have a completely open policy with regards to our phones so it’s not as if we are reading each other’s messages. But if I thought he was cheating on me I would and I wouldn’t feel bad about it at all, maybe EVER so slightly if it turned out he wasn’t.

See this is where I think I must just have a very different view on privacy matters, because not only do me and DH have total access to each others phone, we also know each others passwords to everything 🤷‍♀️ we share finances very openly so it makes life easier for us personally

DH and I have accessed one another's phones before for specific purposes (such as adjusting a Google Maps or answering a phone call/text while the other is driving if it is urgent). However, we would never go through each other's phones for a 'nosey'. It's an invasion of privacy and frankly I have better things to do than look at my DH's photos or what he has been shopping for. I often think people that live this way don't have much going on in their life. They sound boring and dull.

I also think a little mystery is healthy in a relationship and finally, as others have said, I have some very personal and private messages/voice notes from friends that are not for my DH's eyes and ears.

maybe I am boring to other people but I find small things interesting and am never bored myself. I also think that’s a weird thing to say on mumsnet where people are constantly talking about banal non-problems in great detail

@sometimestoomuch I like understanding different people's perspectives and experiences in the world. That's why I like Mumsnet. I also like offering advice and support to people. I understand why other people do as well.

I'm not interested in anyone's (including DH's) photos, shopping habits and browsing history. I think people that do are dull. You think people that consider is an invasion of privacy are over-reacting and over-protective of their phones. I guess we both learnt a new perspective today. The wonders of Mumsnet.

Regularly snooping your partners phone is the gateway to being a coercive and controlling domestic abuser.

I also think it’s odd, OP. I’ve never been protective of my phone, but then I’m also tech savvy and I think that makes a difference in my comfort level. I don’t have embarrassing interests and don’t tend to bitch about people via text. I’d obviously never cheat. So I guess I don’t have a lot of the issues that would motivate someone to guard their phone.

Also, I’ve enjoyed your sarcasm immensely. The playground insult in response to that poster’s immature comment, which the person then took completely seriously, was particularly good. I honestly can’t tell if some people are just thick and taking you seriously or if they’re mad that you haven’t begged forgiveness for daring to ask such a question but I’m entertained regardless. 😂

Pictures I don't want other people to see, private conversation, notes, searches I've made ( medical stuff or general forums like Mumsnet ). Someone going on your phone is as close as they can be to seeing everything going on inside your brain imo. It's the one bit of privacy you have in a relationship which is really important.

I don't maintain privacy because I currently have anything on my phone that would be earth shattering if my DH found out. I maintain privacy because it's good practice.

I have kids who really shouldn't read some of the stuff on my phone so we use passwords etc. and teach that phone privacy is something to respect by modeling that behaviour. I also know, from work I've done with women leaving their husbands, that it's not something you can easily introduce at a later stage if you suddenly decide that you need that privacy because your relationship has taken a nosedive. Or even if your relationship hasn't changed much but you have and you're trying to work things out for yourself before you torch decades of married bliss. So, just like ensuring your financial security on the off chance your relationship doesn't work out, it's good practice to ensure you have communication privacy, on the off chance you need it without provoking ill feeling.

I've previously worked in jobs where I have to keep information confidential, and my DH currently does, so those habits are already in place anyway.

What's on mine that I don't want anyone to have free access to.....everything!

This. Conversations go two ways, including confidences from other people whose privacy should be respected.

I think for many people it isn't even about what's on their phone that they might want to hide, it's that they don't want to freely share because it's an extension of themselves, so whether it's your phone your handbag or your bedside cabinet is private.
What you don't seem to be getting is that different things evoke different emotions.
I would feel entirely comfortable taking a wee in a lay-by even if there were 2 trucks parked up. I would go shopping with no bra and speak up in a team meeting about my views on a topic. I don't care who's in the loo next to me or the changing rooms as long as they have doors. I tell you who broke my heart and my hopes and fears.
I do care if someone is looking at my monitor over my shoulder. I won't give out my personal details without asking why, I don't accept unscheduled visitors and I wouldn't ever share a bed with my daughter/mum/mate (but I would a random ONS).
I could equally ask why you would feel uncomfortable if a man was to give you an internal examination. It's really hard to describe. I would feel violated if someone looked at my phone and it would be the end of the relationship...I'm not even talking snooping,

Are your friends/family happy for your partner to read the messages they’ve sent to you? I think if you’re going to allow your partner to have access to your phone, it’s only polite to let people know that their messages aren’t only going to be read by you so that they can decide whether they actually want to communicate with you in that way.
I don’t have anything on my phone that I wouldn’t want my partner to see. However I may have things that my friends and family have sent me that they wouldn’t want my partner to see. I don’t think it’s fair for me to make the decision that other people can read their personal messages.