To not understand the expectation of privacy re phones

[sometimestoomuch]

Among people you are close with but I guess I'm talking about partners really. My boyfriend has looked through my phone before (to look at my pictures) without my knowledge and while I was a bit embarrassed I don't actually care. I've looked at his. Granted I'm a nosy person.
The strength of feeling on this is baffling to me... what is it actually that's on your phones that you want so deeply to keep private? For me it doesn't go beyond embarrassment, and if it did it would signify some kind of wrongdoing tbh.

Is it all one big cheater conspiracy? A woman will post on here suspecting her partner of cheating and God forbid she lets slip that she looked at his phone or the entire thread will become about how INSANE she is

My friends conversations with me . They’re conversing with me, no one else and as such I respect and protect their privacy.

There's nothing on my phone I would care about DP seeing, still don't want him going through it. We do know each others pins because occasionally I will be driving and ask him to check something or he will ask me to unlock his phone when he is arms deep in a chicken and the recipe has disappeared into his lock screen 😂, but that's not a green light to go on their whenever we are feeling 'nosey'.

Feeling the need to go shuffling through a partners phone signals a lack of trust which imo is the end of the relationship anyway.

Maybe my boyfriend and I have lives that are too entwined. But maybe it works for us. Maybe it is something that should be worked out on a case by case basis - there's a lot of harsh judgement towards other people's situations to a ridiculous degree imo

Also if you're not in a serious relationship (or even if you are) you may want to hide your payslips, financial documents, credit scores, banking details etc

If you're uncertain in the relationship, you may have messages with friends asking for advice or posts on here.

If you have some history of health issues or an ongoing health issue that you don't wish to disclose to someone

To me, my phone is a personal item like a handbag or laptop. I don't want my partner reading my emails or messages from friends that are for my eyes, not his. I also make notes about things I am considering doing, buying, making etc that I am not yet ready to articulate to him. It's a gross invasion of privacy to go through someone's phone.

My hidden folder is extensive but if he looks more fool him. Private thoughts maybe a few but I don't generally use my phone for diary purposes.

You're one of those people who thinks privacy is only for sad single people. Giving up your privacy is a sign that someone has picked you. Yippee!

I understand this until you call it a "gross invasion". Maybe in your situation it would be but as a general rule I think that's overblown

You don’t talk to friends by text?

It doesn’t have to be serious things. If your friends message you, outwith a group chat, they believe their words are for your eyes. Not his.

Hopefully you are open with your friends that private conversations with you are not private (I have a relative who is open about that - she and her DH basically share their phones and social media so none of us message anything we don’t want him to see).

I don’t have anything to hide on my phone but I would feel miffed if someone felt the need to check up what I was doing on. For me, it’s not the content but the suspicion. However, if DH called out to me that his phone wasn’t working and he needed to make a call or order something I would tell him to go ahead and use mine. He knows my PIN to log in.

For most people it’s a gross invasion.

You are the outlier in this one. Not everyone else.

Messages from my husband. I don't want anyone reading what we wrote to each other ever and certainly not another partner. The messages go from the start of our relationship through our time together, his diagnosis and treatment and have ultimately continued, from me to him, after his death. They are highly private, between me and him and no one else.

You're just jealous that I'M in a relationship and YOU aren't

I have no interest on what is on dh's phone and he has none in mine. I know his password (as he is technically incompetent and I need to occasionally fix things for him), but I have absolutely no interest in looking at anything else on it, I wouldn't even look at a text that popped up if the phone was next to me - his conversations between his family/friends/colleagues are his not "ours" and he will share if relevant or if he wants to.

To me it is about respecting each others space and not being one of those co-dependent, cloying "we share everything" relationships (most of which are the result of lack of trust or self confidence).

I probably feel that way due to my mum who was nosey and thought there was nothing wrong with it when I was a normal teen who craved some space and not to feel I was under her microscope.

I would never invade someone's space in this way, especially partners or older children. I guess it all comes down to intent but much more importantly full consent.

haha

proves my point nicely.

too kind.

I suppose I'm living in a different world. It pisses me off though that even in instances where cheating is suspected the sanctity of the private phone is ultimately the most important thing.

can't tell if you're being serious

Maybe let your friends know that your BF reads your phone messages.

This is obviously completely fair... I'm so sorry for your loss.

You appear to be living in a world where you can't understand that not everyone feels the same way as you do about thier phone privacy

But maybe thats because the rest of is don't have the perfect dream relationship that you do (sarcasm before you throw a playground accusation of jealousy)

If you trust your partner you won't have any problem with them looking through your phone, but if they trust you they won't need to.

Why does people who do things differently piss you off so much?

if you do things differently to the majority then it’s quite odd to be so bothered by it.

If you’re as happy and secure in your set up as you claim to be why does it matter that other people do things differently?

It's the principle. I have nothing dubious on my phone, but I'd be horrified if my husband looked at it, and vice versa. Just like we don't open/ read each other's post. We have been married 30+ years, but we are still two independent people, and we have a right to our own privacy just like anyone else.

That's a good point, have you considered that everyone you engage with might not be happy with a 3rd party reading their messages?

@sometimestoomuch you didn't answer the question from @Botw1. Why were you embarrassed? That's one reason right there.

Plus you aren't bothered that he looked at your phone WHEN YOU WEREN'T THERE? Boundaries, consent...