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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband doesnt get day off

124 replies

Sooty1983 · 05/04/2023 06:26

So we have a 1.5 year old and currently my husband looks after her on a Wednesday. Hes self employed and works the other week days and a Sat, and generally 3-4 hours on a Sunday but generally on a Sunday he uses these hours to work on his own cars.
I work Tue to Fri in an office. DD goes to nursery 3 days pw, so I have her Sat Sun and Mon.
Basically husband says Wed is annoying as hes just getting going in his work week then has to pause if you like and has no day off. I kind of get it. But, the arrangement currently really suits me. I do the lions share in my opinion of housework, cooking, weekly shop all nursery pick ups and drop offs etc.
My mum also lives almost 2 hours away so every 3 weeks I go there with daughter from a Fri to a Sun so need the Monday especially that week to get organised for the week and in my view he gets time to himself when we are away.
Should I try and compromise and see if work will let me do a Monday once a month say or just leave it and empathise a bit with husband but basically in my head im like, hello with a a child or children there is no such thing as a day off. Basically i think he's a bit annoyed Im "off" a Monday.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 05/04/2023 06:30

It may be working for you but it isn’t working for him so you need to sit down and discuss the best way forward together.

can you change the nursery days to one that suits everyone better?

Mumof1andacat · 05/04/2023 06:37

So what day do you have off then I.e a day when you're not at work and don't have your daughter? Because that's what he wants. Parenting doesn't quite work like that.

TheGoodEnoughWife · 05/04/2023 06:38

Does your daughter go to nursery on a Monday? You say you have her sat/sun/mon so surely you aren't getting a day off either?!

Number24Bus · 05/04/2023 06:39

But you're "off" on a Monday in the same way that he's "off" on a Wednesday, right? You're not at work but you are looking after your DD? I don't understand his point?

Phoebo · 05/04/2023 06:40

If your daughter goes to nursery why don't you just do more of that? I'd understand if you were both SAHP but if not, just do that?

MangoBiscuit · 05/04/2023 06:43

As others have said said, neither of you are getting a day "off". You both have days when you don't work but solo parent. I think he's being a bit cheeky to be honest. If he wants a day off where he doesn't work and doesn't parent, then he also needs to figure out a day when you get that too. If his complaint is purely that he doesn't like splitting his working week, then surely the solution is for him to shift his working week so that his childcare day falls at one end of it rather than in the middle.

BrainOnFire · 05/04/2023 06:43

If DD went to nursery on a Wednesday, would he spend that day working or just having a day off? If he wants a child free day off he's being unreasonable. But if he prefers to work and earn more money and the extra could pay for nursery, then why not do that?

Barbecuebeans · 05/04/2023 06:43

It sounds to me like you don't get a day off.

And I bet anything you do more of the childcare on Sunday. The fact he spends the time he has off tinkering with his cars (why more than one?) suggests it's a hobby as much as a job, so he's actually doing something he enjoys. I have my car serviced once a year. It takes a couple of hours. It certainly doesn't require weekly care.

I think he sees looking after his child is more work than his actual job. Tough!

DustyLee123 · 05/04/2023 06:48

Sounds to me like you never get any ‘time off’ as you take your DC to your mum’s, yet he gets that time absolutely to himself.
Im assuming you have DC on a Monday and he has her Wednesday ?
If he wants a child free Wednesday he needs to organise and pay for nursery, and do the drop off/pick up.

whenshallwethreemeet · 05/04/2023 06:51

Is it just that he is suggesting that he has Mondays off and you have Wednesdays off?
Some people enjoy having a day off mid-week; others find it really disruptive.
You need to find out what works for you as a family.

cushioncovers · 05/04/2023 06:51

Do either of you have time off from work and caring for your child?

neighboursmustliveon · 05/04/2023 06:52

Suggest to him dd goes to nursery full time and then you both get a day 'off'. I suspect he won't see that this is fair.

I guess you could go back to work on a Monday and pay for dd to go to nursery so you are both working 5 days a week. Or he could stop working on a Saturday so that you both work 4 days a week. Currently neither of you get a day off as you are both either doing paid work or child work.

ShesThunderstorms · 05/04/2023 07:00

I'm confused? She goes to nursery tues, thurs, Fri? So when do you get a day off too? He needs to suck it up, that's what happens when you have kids and childcare is as expensive as it is. He gets a whole weekend to himself every 3 weeks, which is a hell of a lot more than most!
If he doesn't like having Wednesdays off then maybe he should ask work to swap it to a Friday and then look into moving your daughters day at nursery on a Friday to a Wednesday?
When do you get a day off?

Comii9 · 05/04/2023 07:00

I think posters have missed your DH is working on a weekend. Why OP?

Original poster
Sooty1983 · 05/04/2023 07:02

Yes I have her a Monday. This arrangement was all worked out long before I returned to work in Sept as nursery needed to know what days we wanted and my work wanted to know also, so we are living the reality of it now. Yes Ill think about possibility of him changing to alternate day later in week even although I do often wfh on a Fri as it lets me get a wash on etc on my break and lunch times. I also finish at 3 on a Fri so have 2 precious hours to myself which I do usually end up doing housework on but still thats my choice nothing to do with him. Id say if nursery could take her on a Wed he would do it if i mentioned but I was keen on her having more parent time than nursery time if you get me especially at mo as shes def testing her boundaries. Also Wed is the only day he makes dinner and is actually home before me so Im loathe to give that up 😂. He has classic cars and they are a big part if his life and it is a point of contention but thats another thread likely ha. He is good and i dont want to get at him but i dont want to compromise too quickly as do feel its me that does that too often aa it is. That sounds v immature. Ill think for another bit and yes an open discussion needs to be had.

OP posts:
Tohaveandtohold · 05/04/2023 07:02

To be fair, currently, he works 6 days a week and the 7th day looks after his child so he does not have a day off but this is mainly because he works 6 days a week.
If your family does not need the money then he needs to stop the work he does on Sunday because that seem like the best way forward and he’ll have that day off or if he prefers to work on Sunday, he can use some of the money to pay for nursery on Wednesday, even if it’s for half a day where he can be free to do something like an hobby, etc

RobinRobinMouse · 05/04/2023 07:05

Once you are a parent you don't really get time off though do you, certainly not weekly. You are always a parent and your child becomes part of your time when you're not at work. It sounds like he could enjoy Wednesday and Sunday with her if he wanted to. Does he mean he regularly wants time when he's not working and not with his family? I find that a little said if so, but perhaps I'm misunderstanding the post.

Alainlechat · 05/04/2023 07:07

Sounds to me that the DH works 5 days with Weds off and then Sunday works on his cars (hobby?). So basically doesn't want to do a sole parenting day when the OP does 3 of those and works the other 4.

OddBoots · 05/04/2023 07:08

Is part of this down to him being self employed and so not getting/taking annual leave?

Whatsthefrequencykenny · 05/04/2023 07:09

It sounds more like he wants to switch his day at home to Monday or Friday instead of Wednesday.

I think it’s reasonable that each of you has a home day that bookends the weekend. You can keep Monday or Friday and he gets the other.

it doesn’t sound like he is saying he wants a child free day, he just doesn’t like his home day being mid week.

Jifmicroliquid · 05/04/2023 07:10

I’m confused by this notion that you have to have weekly days off from your own children, like they are some kind of job. Once you have children, your days off from work involve them. They are now part of your life and that’s a decision you made when you had them.

Comii9 · 05/04/2023 07:12

Tohaveandtohold · 05/04/2023 07:02

To be fair, currently, he works 6 days a week and the 7th day looks after his child so he does not have a day off but this is mainly because he works 6 days a week.
If your family does not need the money then he needs to stop the work he does on Sunday because that seem like the best way forward and he’ll have that day off or if he prefers to work on Sunday, he can use some of the money to pay for nursery on Wednesday, even if it’s for half a day where he can be free to do something like an hobby, etc

Exactly. OP still hasn't addressed why he is working on a Saturday and then 3/4 hours on a Sunday.

MummyJ36 · 05/04/2023 07:15

He needs to either drop the Sunday or work drop some classic car hours. Both sound white indulgent. No reason why he can’t do some solo parenting. As PP’s have said, you never get a true day off when you’re a parent to a young child.

Original poster
Sooty1983 · 05/04/2023 07:15

This is prob right

OP posts:
Original poster
Sooty1983 · 05/04/2023 07:20

Meaning that yes a bookend day is possibly more fair...

OP posts: