Husband doesnt get day off

[Sooty1983]

So we have a 1.5 year old and currently my husband looks after her on a Wednesday. Hes self employed and works the other week days and a Sat, and generally 3-4 hours on a Sunday but generally on a Sunday he uses these hours to work on his own cars.
I work Tue to Fri in an office. DD goes to nursery 3 days pw, so I have her Sat Sun and Mon.
Basically husband says Wed is annoying as hes just getting going in his work week then has to pause if you like and has no day off. I kind of get it. But, the arrangement currently really suits me. I do the lions share in my opinion of housework, cooking, weekly shop all nursery pick ups and drop offs etc.
My mum also lives almost 2 hours away so every 3 weeks I go there with daughter from a Fri to a Sun so need the Monday especially that week to get organised for the week and in my view he gets time to himself when we are away.
Should I try and compromise and see if work will let me do a Monday once a month say or just leave it and empathise a bit with husband but basically in my head im like, hello with a a child or children there is no such thing as a day off. Basically i think he's a bit annoyed Im "off" a Monday.

two precious hours to yourself which you devote to housework but that’s your choice? I bet your husband wouldn’t chose that option.

@MaltedCow I know right. MN is a mad place sometimes. OP can't use the housework as an excuse for having a long weekend and just throw in she is reluctant to change days... I bet she is!

Thanks everyone for all your responses, certainly helps me see things from different perspectives. Yes as a few have said working a Monday not a great option in terms of annual leave as HR did confirm today, thats probably one of the main reasons I picked that day in the first place, cant remember. So going to suggest that he does a Fri rather than a Wed and if he thinks good idea will see if nursery has availability to take her on Wed instead.

Neither me or DH ever get a day off without work or looking after the kids. Yes it’s shit, but childcare is expensive.

I work Wednesday to Saturday, he works Sunday to Wednesday. Both have three days solo parenting and four days at work. The day we both work, I do school run before work and start later and family member has the baby.

I think your DH needs to get over it. If he’s self employed he has more flexibility to take the odd morning or afternoon to himself if he wants to. He should do that rather than demand a day to himself every week.

How are prople still not getting it😂

Could you change her nursery day to a Wednesday and he have her on a Friday maybe, would that be better for him so he's not "pausing" mid week?

This! He works 5 days a week. And on a Sunday he does his hobby for four hours. Whiney manchild.

Ol finishes early on the friday and does housework. Op does the majority of the housework. Her dh cooks once a week.

I used to have Wednesday as my day off/childcare day when my kids were tiny. I chose it because I thought it would be good to break up the week and only have two days away from them in a row. However in practice I found it interrupted the flow of my working week and I also found it difficult to switch off from work completely and focus on the kids. I expect your husband is experiencing similar. I've now done various shorter weeks, and Mondays or Fridays are by far the best in my experience. I have a bit of preference for Mondays because whilst it's nice to start the weekend early on a Friday and get the housework out of the way before everyone else is off I do find it easier to switch off from work when everyone else is not working too! You need to sit down with your OH and work out a plan that suits you both. We found that we had to adjust childcare arrangements at least once a year until both kids were at school!

Have I read it wrong? He does have a day off - Wednesday. You have Monday off. What does he want?

So your Monday off work with your dd annoys him as he thinks it’s a holiday for you and his Wednesday off with your dd is not fair and too hard and poor me you have to fix this since he thinks your joint dd is really your problem not his?
I don’t know how people live with being a second class citizen in their relationships. What I can say is, given you are trying to change a day: Dh I will lose two hours of housework and 2 loads of washing. You will need to do a bit more at home, how about a tidy one night and bringing in and folding and putting away the washing on Sunday BEFORE going to your cars. Also, it is non negotiable that you cook dinner once a week- me bending over backwards to change the arrangements to keep you happy should mean you appreciate my efforts, not you take it as an opportunity to hand back the tiny amount of cooking you do.

Her DH never has more than one day off paid work in a row. That schedule does make you feel like you are always working. OP has 3 days off in a row (an extended weekend).

weekends are two days off together for a reason. Find a way for him to have two days off in a row.

He wants two days off work together..like a weekend. oP is off work sat, sun and mon. Her DH is off Sun and Wed. Very choppy week for him.

Do people not communicate anymore with each other ?

He doesn't want his working week split into two.

As it is, OP gets three days off in a row every week, whereas he has Wednesday and Sunday as his days off.

But it would still be a broken two days time off as he would still work Saturdays, so how would that be better if his problem is the broken time off?

The man hating from some to a point they actually refuse to understand simple text even ESL got, just so they can take a pop at a guy and call him names is not even ridiculous anymore but actually embarrassing.

equally, you seem to be deliberately not seeing how her husband is being a bit shit when it comes to the full role of parenting.

I do the lions share in my opinion of housework, cooking, weekly shop all nursery pick ups and drop offs etc
That’s a very uneven parenting load. Also op goes away every third weekend and he has all those evenings to himself. With not one bedtime routine to do.

Basically husband says Wed is annoying as hes just getting going in his work week then has to pause if you like and has no day off.
he also seems to be counting the day he does his hobby for four hours as work.

The problem I see with the week is the lack of a family day. At the moment your lives seems completely separate. That is what will cause problems longterm. Then add in the resentment youll start to feel at being the default parent with the by far larger household responsibilities. And he will feel resentment when you eventually start expecting him to pull his weight more in the home, not just one day a week.!

@PaigeMatthews the doscussion is about day off to be moved from middle of the week. Half the posters called him names because they couldn't be arsed to read he will still have a child but wants to move the day.

Op has 3 day weekned, while things like pick up and drop offs could be better split, person less days of work logically then takes on bit more housework. Equally is quite logical that person home before the other starts the dinner. That's just practical.

It feels like no day off.

Tbh best solution to family day is him not having to work sat instead of weekday and dc going to nursery. Which could also allow for extra cooking day

Either way, this wasn't the issue with the posters my post was about. They very clearly barged in with "why does he think he gets day without dc "headtilt" manchild"

Maybe because it isnt him looking for the solution.

Maybe because it isnt him looking for the solution

Probably because he feels there isn't one.

OP has said she doesn't really want DD in childcare four days a week, and she already has Mondays off, so what choice does her DH have that doesn't involve an extra day of childcare?

If he works another weekday instead, he still won't get his days off together so it won't solve anything. He can't take Mondays off because OP is off that day, and he can't have Fridays because he'd still need to work the Saturday.

The solution seems to be that he goes back to work Monday-Friday with weekends off. OP has Monday off and keeps DD with her, and DD goes to nursery the rest of the week.

OP could even pick her up early on Fridays if she didn't want her there for the full day.

But he can’t change anything without the op first either agreeing to look at adding Wednesday into nursery so they can all be off together on a Saturday or she agrees to and arranged a different day off.

he has spoken to her about the issue as he sees it with him having Wednesday off so now the need to agree a plan and he needs to contact nursery/she needs to talk to work but that can’t be done until the OP has agreed and looked into a change.

Split week versus block week is a matter of preference as PPs here say. Its not intrinsically worse.

At the moment the load is unevenly split with the OP doing significantly more and the DH classifying a few hours on personal projects as "work".

If he doesn't like that arrangement what is he doing to change it? Why is it the OP bending herself in knots with nursery and other arrangements? What stops him rearranging his week to eg take Mondays off if he wants a two day block and speaking to the nursery about swapping days?

Oh and they already have a "family day" - they have Sundays together but he chooses to spend half of it on his hobby projects.

They both need to agree a new solution. She has looked into monday and it doesnt work due to bank holiday etc. She has considered Friday but would lose two hours of cleaning time he hasnt offered as yet to pick up. Or share. No day other than monday would give him two days off in a row, which is what the issue is. Unless he works mon to fri, toddler goes in to nursery an extra day costing more money and he would probably probably earn less if he currently gets paid more for working a saturday than a weekday.

it isnt straight forward and he needs to be also suggesting workable solutions, including the impact on housework and parenting mental load.