Husband doesnt get day off

[Sooty1983]

So we have a 1.5 year old and currently my husband looks after her on a Wednesday. Hes self employed and works the other week days and a Sat, and generally 3-4 hours on a Sunday but generally on a Sunday he uses these hours to work on his own cars.
I work Tue to Fri in an office. DD goes to nursery 3 days pw, so I have her Sat Sun and Mon.
Basically husband says Wed is annoying as hes just getting going in his work week then has to pause if you like and has no day off. I kind of get it. But, the arrangement currently really suits me. I do the lions share in my opinion of housework, cooking, weekly shop all nursery pick ups and drop offs etc.
My mum also lives almost 2 hours away so every 3 weeks I go there with daughter from a Fri to a Sun so need the Monday especially that week to get organised for the week and in my view he gets time to himself when we are away.
Should I try and compromise and see if work will let me do a Monday once a month say or just leave it and empathise a bit with husband but basically in my head im like, hello with a a child or children there is no such thing as a day off. Basically i think he's a bit annoyed Im "off" a Monday.

This guy gets Friday and Saturday night and Sunday day to himself every three weeks.

He is very very lucky and should count on that.

Tell him it's a day off from work he has. Not a day off from life.

I'm confused about what he means by a day "off".

If he means a day when he's not doing paid work, he has one full day off a week, Wednesday, which he spends taking care of his child, and another half day off a week, Sunday, which he spends doing his hobby. You have three days off a week, which you seem to spend doing housework and taking care of your child.

If he means a day when he's not doing paid work OR taking care of his child, well, no, he doesn't have a full day off. He gets half a day off on Sundays, which he chooses to spend doing his hobby. Most parents whose children are young and who haven't completely checked out of family life don't get a full day each week to do whatever they like, with no paid work or childcare responsibilities. Most of them don't get a half day either.

When's your half day off?

If I understand correctly,it's about which day of the week neither of you work so that you can look after your DD.

You have her Mondays and work Tues-Fri. He works Monday/Tuesday/Thursday/Friday/Saturday and takes Wednesdays off to look after DD? The Wednesday is annoying for him as it disrupts work that he has started to get on with on Monday/Tuesday? I can kind of see the point. Seems like you both want Monday though. I think that's a discussion you have to have? Could you do Fridays and go to your Mum's earlier then come back earlier on Sundays to sort things out for the week?

I also agree that you don't seem to get any time together as a family.

Why are people suggesting you pay for another day in nursery instead of him dropping Sunday morning working? Financially possibly the same, means he doesn't work 6 days a week, and also because 4 long days in nursery is quite a lot at 1.5 years old (I've had young kids in full time nursery myself, and while it worked out, it's a lot and doesn't make sense if there's an option to be with a parent).

I sense that he's seeing your Saturdays and Sundays and maybe even Mondays as 'days off' because you're a mum, even if he's out all Saturday and Sunday so you're doing exactly the same as he would on a Wednesday. Not ok.

Surely he gets more of a day off than you do, when he disappears to play with his cars on a Sunday?

I think some people are bit misreading and as op said, the main issue is Wed.
If you work Mon, Tue, have break in the work week then continue it can get annoying. Since he work Saturday I would look at him having Monday instead of wed if OP's work allows swapping day off from Mon to Fri.

I'm confused about what he means by a day "off".

By the sound off it, what every working person means. Off work

I think it is fair that your husband does one day of childcare.
That said, maybe the Wednesday is not the best day.
Would he prefer Tuesday, Thursday or Friday instead?
His day off could be Saturday or Sunday.
You are working 4 days per week and looking after child on your days off so it is fair that you do more household business and chores.
He is working 51/2 days and looking after child for one day so his half day off he spends with cars (which probably earns you all money). It's pretty fair.
As the child gets older there will be more chance for her to accompany her father doing the car work but she is too young for that to be safe now.

Tell him "welcome to parenthood where there are no days off".

You do paid work four days, childcare on the other three days and most of the household work/wrap around care.

He works five days, child care one day and on the seventh he sometimes does a couple of hours but usually on his own stuff.

Not seeing his problem - looks like he is getting a good deal.

Looked to me like he claims to work 6 days, so it shouldn't matter which day he is off!

He does mean a day away from work although he honestly doesnt really know what to be at unless at garage. I did have a picture in my head of us spending this idealistic time together as a family but in reality its not like that really for us. We do spend Sunday afternoons together and as she gets older i think it will be easier to do things as a family. Yes the solution will probably be me changing my day off to a Friday and seeing if nursery can accommodate this. Im reluctant for various convenience reasons fornmyself but Ill think about it today as do appreciate compromise has to happen sonewhere.

It doesn’t sound like he wants Wednesday child free, but more to work through without a break in the working week. That is understandable. If you’re not fussed which day ‘off’ you have could you swap?

His day off his Sunday and HE is choosing to work in his cars.
This is parenthood - if you relent get him to do more at home. Not as a punishment but because it’s fair.

I think it could work considering you will still have 3 day weekend.

I would find midweek quite difficult too tbh

But he has Wednesday off work. I honestly don't understand what he means by never having a day off when he has Wednesdays off, plus it sounds as though he doesn't need to work Sunday morning but chooses to do parts of work which overlap with his interest. That isn't "having to work on Sundays".

What is his actual issue that justifies you disrupting the current arrangements to be off on Friday?

Plus if you are part time and work Mondays it can screw up your holiday arrangements through the year as most of the bank hols will fall into working days instead of days off so leaves you with less flex.

If it's breaking his working week up could you swap around?

He works Tuesday to Saturday, you work Monday to Thursday, daughter in nursery Tuesday to Thursday. You both get your non work days together. Daughter still gets saw amount of parent time.

Another thing to take into account is the age and development of the DC and your feelings about how much time you want her to be in nursery.
it could be that the situation will change naturally when DC is a few months older, then again perhaps when DC is 4/5 and going to school.
good to try and think about how your week will work now and in the future, and not just spend time in a tug of war about the current situation.

But he has Wednesday off work. I honestly don't understand what he means by never having a day off
Midweek day off separate from the other day off (even if partial) doesn't feel right for many people. I used to have that in previous work. 1 day there, few days in, 1 day off. It's annoying. That's what he means. It doesn't feel like proper off work. He probs spends half a day if not most thinking about it anyway (swlf employmnet can be like that)

I would just throw into this debate that you should look carefully at your annual leave entitlement before agreeing to let him take your DD on Mondays, if that’s what he’s angling for. Many employers add bank holidays, pro-rata, to leave allowances for part time workers and so having a Monday off is far more advantageous in view of how many bank holidays (minimum 4 each year) that fall on Mondays.

So what's the solution proposed by this Prince of a father, considering he is a) self employed, and b) actually has two days off to himself, one where he doesn't have to trouble himself with parenting at all because you've taken the baby away?

It's fine if he feels it breaks the week up oddly and he'd like to change that. But it's HIS situation to sort as clearly you do absolutely everything else.

Yes of course the man needs a day off to himself, even though the woman doesn't get one. She should find a way to make it better for his needs.

But he isn't moaning about fday to himself, but a day off work being in the middle of work week.

Anyone who worked in industries where separate days off or even split shifts are a norm knows how annoying that can be.
If they jiggle days around with nursery than each can still have same amount of iff work days, but both can have them next to each other not off work work off work work

The current schedule looks pretty naff to me.

Your DH has work six days a week, although Sunday is a half day. I can see why he’d want to work a full day Wednesday with your DD in nursery and then have his Saturdays free to spend with both of you.

I'm quite surprised at all of the responses slamming the husband because the OP has mentioned he does something for himself for a couple of hours once a week... his issue is the positioning of the day off in the week from what I can read, not that he doesn't want to do it. It would be more sensible given the husband has 2 days off a week and is self employed that these are positioned together where possible otherwise his week is quite stop start and it probably doesn't feel that he gets much time away from work, as opposed to the OP who finishes early on a Friday and doesn't go back to work until the Tuesday.