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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Unannounced visitors are the worst!

104 replies

WilsonMilson · 03/04/2023 12:31

Inspired by another thread today, I wanted to gauge opinion on my pet peeve - people who turn up at your house unannounced expecting to be invited in for an impromptu social visit.

I bloody hate it. Just don’t, it’s such an imposition! You should at least call or send a text to see if the potential host is available for visitors. Maybe I’m too uptight and not spontaneous enough, but I find it incredibly rude. So,

YABU - it’s lovely to have visitors and I need to lighten up and relax.

YANBU - unexpected visitors are bloody rude, and a menace to society.

Bonus points for unannounced visitor stories, especially if they are cfs!

OP posts:
timeforwotsits · 03/04/2023 12:34

Never have unannounced visitors and I’m one of those weird mumsnet people that don’t answer my door if I’m not expecting anyone (well I check on ring first in case it’s a parcel or someone I don’t mind seeing!)

if someone dropped round and I thought I should answer the door, I wouldn’t invite them in either. I’d say oh sorry bad timing I’m literally just heading out

but then my friends and family know me well enough to tell me if they want to come round because of the reasons above 😂

Timeforachangeisitnot · 03/04/2023 12:35

Depends who it is. Friend or Sister - yaaay come on in! MIL / SIL - what now ? 🤷🏻‍♀️
I find I am more relaxed about it as I get older.

Original poster
WilsonMilson · 03/04/2023 12:36

Maybe I need a Ring doorbell. Nothing worse than answering the door thinking it’s a parcel and being confronted with friends or family who have just ‘dropped by’. No escape then!

OP posts:
TulipCat · 03/04/2023 12:41

These threads always bring out the MN contingent who apparently never answer the door, hate people phoning them and turn taking in parcels for neighbours into a soap opera. Personally I like it when people pop by.

TruJay · 03/04/2023 12:47

I absolutely hate it aside from a select couple of people. My children are autistic and have other disabilities too and all hell breaks loose. My house is also constantly a mess so it’s fucking embarrassing too. The kids have family members who never see them despite living very locally and seeing all the other grandchildren/nieces/nephews several times a week (whole other thread) and on the rare occasion grandma/auntie/uncle calls out of the blue, the kids get excited they’re here (well they used to but are beginning to realise they are bottom of the pile with them) if it’s grandma, she tells my kids what she’s done with the other grandkids in the months it’s been since she saw my two, it’s completely cruel and pointless cue two huge fucking meltdowns. It’s bloody awful. So yeh OP, I hate it too.

She hasn’t done it for a while after been called out on being a dick thankfully.

Cherrysoup · 03/04/2023 12:51

I’m very antisocial and live 5 hours away from family so it’s very unusual to see anyone turn up randomly. Once, my uncle who loves the 5 hours away, turned up and I genuinely didn’t recognise him, so closed the door on him until I realised! He’d accompanied a minor on a visitation and had a few hours spare. Obviously I then let him in. Oops.

Phoebo · 03/04/2023 12:52

Theoretically I'd hate it, but in reality I wouldn't mind

Xjshdvf · 03/04/2023 12:53

I hate this; been caught out a few times in my pjs cleaning and looking a total mess which is not how I want people to see me

SophiaSW1 · 03/04/2023 12:56

I do not have them as I do not answer the intercom for them! Simple for me. I think it's extremely rude to turn up uninvited

Greensleevevssnotnose · 03/04/2023 12:56

Wouldn't bother me. But we've lived here three years and never had a visitor. We are pretty much each others only companions

SchoolTripDrama · 03/04/2023 13:05

YANBU

ananass · 03/04/2023 13:05

We’re an ADHD household, so the house can be a mess until we get up the nerve to do a big clean and tidy up. When the house is messy we hide upstairs if we see a relative on the Ring doorbell.

SchoolTripDrama · 03/04/2023 13:07

Cherrysoup · 03/04/2023 12:51

I’m very antisocial and live 5 hours away from family so it’s very unusual to see anyone turn up randomly. Once, my uncle who loves the 5 hours away, turned up and I genuinely didn’t recognise him, so closed the door on him until I realised! He’d accompanied a minor on a visitation and had a few hours spare. Obviously I then let him in. Oops.

Wait, you opened the door and because you didn't initially recognise him, you were going to close the door in his face, without even speaking to him?! WTAFFFF?!?!?! Are you ok?! What if it was a neighbour who needed you to call an ambulance or had a lost child or something? Jesus Christ

ananass · 03/04/2023 13:07

Greensleevevssnotnose · 03/04/2023 12:56

Wouldn't bother me. But we've lived here three years and never had a visitor. We are pretty much each others only companions

If you like it that way then that sounds nice! Or would you like to have visitors?

Oakyloaky · 03/04/2023 13:10

I genuinely don’t mind because if it’s not convenient I just say so 🤷‍♀️I don’t consider it rude and I also am very happy to chat with friends on the phone! You can cover so much more in a 10 min verbal chat than texting etc .

FizzyWineAndCrisps · 03/04/2023 13:13

The worst type of people are the ones that don’t just turn up unannounced, they also ring your mobile from outside your front door and lift the letterbox, look in and call your name - I know a few CFs that do this.

SpecialControlGroup · 03/04/2023 13:13

I hate it, it's just so bloody intrusive and my time is just as valuable as theirs so I resent being expected to drop everything just because they fancied dropping in.

readbooksdrinktea · 03/04/2023 13:14

I hate it. I need to mentally prepare for visits no matter who it is. My friends and family know this and give me a 15 minutes warning. This also means I can tidy a bit if needed. I don't answer the intercom if I'm not expecting anyone.

Amotherlife · 03/04/2023 13:15

Well, no, I don't think "they are a menace to society" but I do like to have agency in my daily decisions and an unexpected visitor cuts into that. That being said, it rarely happens (only semi regular one is my brother - and that's hardly ever) and I usually get over my irritation and let them in. I also sometimes invite neighbours in if they come round to ask something if the convo goes on too long as it seems rude to make them stand on the doorstep.

So neither YABU nor YANBU.

Botw1 · 03/04/2023 13:16

Folk are so weird about this

In our family we rarely announce visits. We just go.

Friends would give a quick text first but thats about it.

I dont get the issue

I also don't care if people see me in my pjs or think my house is a mess, christ my family have walked into my bedroom while I've been sleeping and it's not a problem

Same with phone calls. Folk are so weird about answering a phone now

MyMachineAndMe · 03/04/2023 13:19

I really don't mind most people I know just dropping by. They knock and walk in and sometimes even make themselves a brew if I'm busy. I like most people and they don't give a shit that I'm in my PJs and the house is a mess and tbh neither do I.

Only one dropper-inner does my head in so if I'm expecting that person, I'll stay dressed and be on my way out when they call over.

WorriedMum13 · 03/04/2023 13:21

YANBU

Distant family members of DH recently dropped by unannounced to visit our baby. DD was 7 weeks and I was still in my dressing gown. They had a gift but instead of handing the gift over at the door, they proceeding to walk through the house and sit in the livingroom. I then had to awkwardly sit in my dressing gown while they held and took photos of DD.

I was so angry when they left.

twoshedsjackson · 03/04/2023 13:24

My parents had family friends who used to do this occasionally; it wound up my DM in particular no end, but she would be too polite to say so.
It went on until I was old enough to be left for a little while, but instructed not to let anybody in. They had come quite a long way, but not thought to ring ahead, and were rather taken aback when I did just as I was told!
It's the assumption that you have nothing else happening in your life, and the privilege of a visit from them should be welcomed unreservedly........

Moversnotshakers · 03/04/2023 13:27

I hate this too, especially SIL who often turns up before 9 am on a weekend morning. I work full time mon to Fri and on weekend mornings I'm normally still in PJ's cleaning until 10ish then shower, dress etc, she just walks in as my DP( her brother who she knows is at work on those times) leaves the back door open and I forget to lock it. i have to lock the outside gate too to stop her just walking in the garden- MY DD & DGD often just turn really early too but I'm comfortable for them to find me not ready but not so much SIL . I also hate DP's family going to visit DP when I'm at work ( but that is because because he's messy and makes the place untidy and I stupidly think that reflects on me)!

Moversnotshakers · 03/04/2023 13:28

It's the assumption that you have nothing else happening in your life, and the privilege of a visit from them should be welcomed unreservedly........

Definately This!