Unannounced visitors are the worst!

[WilsonMilson]

Inspired by another thread today, I wanted to gauge opinion on my pet peeve - people who turn up at your house unannounced expecting to be invited in for an impromptu social visit.

I bloody hate it. Just don’t, it’s such an imposition! You should at least call or send a text to see if the potential host is available for visitors. Maybe I’m too uptight and not spontaneous enough, but I find it incredibly rude. So,

YABU - it’s lovely to have visitors and I need to lighten up and relax.

YANBU - unexpected visitors are bloody rude, and a menace to society.

Bonus points for unannounced visitor stories, especially if they are cfs!

I don't know anyone who would pop in unannounced, thankfully! Like, I think that's happened once to me in the last 10 years - and that was just some friends passing through to drop something off on the way past our house.

I would hate it if they did, though. It's definitely a personality/family culture thing: my oldest friend's house is a free for all, I've gone there many a time having no idea if they were in or not. Everyone knows where the spare key is and there's always a dog or two to snuggle while you wait for them to return. It feels natural at their house (even though someone doing the same to me would give me conniptions). But that's because their own family vibe has created that feel for everyone else and they like it.

By that measure, presumably nobody drops in at mine because they can sense I would be tempted to fling myself out of the back bedroom window or go into witness protection than take unannounced callers. 😅

Drama llama! I opened the door, said no thanks (no blood, no injured child, not a neighbour-been here a long time, I know them all, there’s only 16 houses) and went to close the door then suddenly clicked onto who it was. Calm down, dear.

Nah, open house here. I don't even get up to welcome them most of the time, they just knock, come in and either they or me then makes coffee.

My house is pretty tidy most of the time but even if it wasn't I would still let them in. After all they come to see me not the house.

The only visitor we get is the neighbour who lives a few doors down.

He has a knack of turning up in the porch at the most inconvenient of times, every time! It's always for unimportant things; asking to borrow a saucepan lid or a random household item but it doesn't stop there, he then stays for hours each time, talking about menial crap.

Our household is constant carnage, we barely get a millisecond to ourselves whereas he's a young, single male with no family in the area. I do think it's loneliness so always try to make him welcome.

They'll offer to come and wait then leave with you.

If they’re that pushy then just don’t open the door to them!

I love spending time with family and friends. I have a few coming over this evening as it happens!

Did you hear that very sad tory on the radio about the woman Sheila who died and was in her flat for two years, so sad. I love impromptu visitors, but I grew up somewhere where it is more normal, always happy to pop the kettle on or crack open a bottle of wine.

I dont even lock my doors most people just knock and walk in, that includes the postie and delivery drivers etc. I wouldnt expect anyone to call before coming round, not unless they were travelling for hours.

Yeah. Family. That's totally fine

I don't want anyone who's not a close friend or family member dropping by unexpectedly. Send a text first.

Who are all these people welcoming their ILs and vague acquaintances in at all hours?

I have other things I'm doing, maybe I don't want someone to see my house in a state. Maybe I'm just not having a good day and don't want someone around.

I can’t imagine me just rocking up to a friend’s house with no notice so I don’t like them doing it to me. I only have one who does this (thankfully very occasionally) and I just find it really odd that someone would consciously come to my house with the explicit intention to see if I’m available and up to having a guest when they haven’t a clue if I am or not and I’m only a text away to ask.

@Eastie77Returns

Hope you're charging them

I don't mind. Generally people will text before if they want to come round properly for an extended visit, but if they knock to drop something off then I'll generally invite them in for a cup of tea. They do the same for me.

None of us have showhome homes, all of us still invite people in for a cup of tea if we've got laundry on the airers and some dishes on the side.

Oh dear
What a sad little life you lead.

We dropped off some flowers unannounced yesterday for a friend, but I wouldn't ever expect to be invited in or anything! We've done that to them before for something different and that time they did invite us in. I wouldn't do it with an expectation of anything more than hi here you go

It got that bad with my BIL even though I’d told him to just send me or his brother (my partner) a quick text to see if we’re not busy, that I ended up buying a Do Not Disturb sign for my window & I literally had to write on a piece of paper “No Unexpected Visitors” It’s worked a treat. He was told to send a text & still wouldn’t listen.

Before anyone says I’m antisocial. You’d be right 😅& I’m really not arsed. I love visitors but when I’m not busy being a parent to two children with severe & demanding disabilities.

So YANBU.

I wanted to gauge opinion on my pet peeve - people who turn up at your house unannounced expecting to be invited in for an impromptu social visit. I've never come across this. I know plenty of people who will, if they're in the area, drop in on the off-chance that we may be both at home and available, but who will be perfectly OK, albeit disappointed at missing us, if we say "sorry, it's not a good time".

Can't really see much quantitative difference between knoocking on the door and saying "are you available" or phoning/texting "I'm 5 minutes away, are you available".

Fine if you don't like uninvited visitors, but it's just a preference, it's not rude to ask. People soon get the message just as they do if you're a person who doesn't like phone calls, or chatting on WhatsApp, or whatever.

It's the assumption that you have nothing else happening in your life, and the privilege of a visit from them should be welcomed unreservedly I absolutely believe that this assumption is purely in the mind of the person who doesn't like uninvited visitors.

Is there a generational aspect? I don't carry my phone around the house with me.I I'd be sad if I came back to my phone and found a friend had texted me the previous day to ask if they could drop in. I'd much prefer them to come and knock, if they were nearby. And of course that's the way we did it when there were no mobile phones and not everyone had a landline.

And of course because that's the way things were when I was growing up and making sense of the world, I feel it's a perfectly natural thing to do. But I wouldn't do it nowadays, because I've added it to the long list of behaviours which used to be considered acceptable or polite but which are now considered rude.

Found the unwanted guest! Bad experience?

I hate it and the person who knows full well I hate it is the one who has tended to do it. It’s disrespecting boundaries. Yes I am up tight but fucking text me first CF

Precisely

Why didn’t you just pop upstairs and get dressed?

Best friend turning up due to a drama - ok

Friends popping round mid afternoon and staying til 10-30pm on a Sunday night - absolutely not fucking ok (this used to happen to us regularly with a particular set of friends)

But you get that if you front up at someone’s door with flowers they will feel they need to invite you in?

Depends on who it is for me. Most everyone I know who would do that just want to use me as something to talk at whilst they bitch about everything that's wrong in their lives, it's a huge emotional drain and they exhaust me so I hate it.