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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you date a man who cross dressed?

576 replies

Supernova23 · 03/04/2023 09:06

Compatible in most ways but they admitted from the beginning they cross dressed. Would you?

OP posts:
TeaserandtheFirecat · 03/04/2023 13:31

Supernova23 · 03/04/2023 12:19

Jeez, I wasn't expecting to come back to over 300 replies LOL. I've blocked him. I asked him about it and it and it involved fake breasts and wigs. Sorry, but just no. I like a man to be a man. If I wanted to get with someone with breasts, I'd date a woman with actual breasts. Any normal men out there?

Good he was honest from the start though. I wonder how many women he got a yes from!

I grew up in he 60s with the frilly shirted male pop stars, then the gender bending 70s, and the 80s was great with men in guyliner and black nail polish looking very sexy. NO bra or women's wigs because they weren't thinking they were women, or fetishising women.

VoiceOfCommonSense · 03/04/2023 13:47

Not unless they were a different dress size 🤣🤣

MrsMitford3 · 03/04/2023 13:48

BadgerFacedCoo · 03/04/2023 09:08

No.

But any sort of fetish would be a no for me. Cross dressers. Those people who dress as animals. Spurs fans. People who like whipped. No thanks.

@BadgerFacedCoo

I'm with you -especially the Spurs fans 😂

Tratjymp · 03/04/2023 13:53

Some of them dress up as Spurs players.

NettleTea · 03/04/2023 13:57

woah, your bloke sounds way way down the kink lane. so that would be a huge no

kink, drag, transexual, transvestite, they would all be a no

man. with nail arnish. long hair. dressing flambouantly. eyeliner. Yup I will go with that

PriamFarrl · 03/04/2023 14:02

OperationMalena · 03/04/2023 10:59

And, to add, what does “dressing like a woman” look like?

Is it a top and biker jeans from Mint Velvet, with a pair of Vejas, and a slither of Dior glow on the lips and nails? This is what I see a lot of women wearing.

or…

Is it like the man I saw in a department store the other day wearing; 4” heeled thigh high boots, a skin tight dress that barely covered the arse, a platinum blond wig, fake red nails and loads of badly applied eye makeup and smudged red lips.

I don’t know why men think we dress like this? Oh, actually I do. It’s because their sick brains tell them that’s what a woman looks like.

I heard a great interview with Grayson Perry. He used to meet up with other men who ‘cross-dressed’ in the same way he does. He said that they would all worry if someone tuned up in jeans and a jumper because that was going too far.

PriamFarrl · 03/04/2023 14:05

BellePeppa · 03/04/2023 11:30

I remember back in the 80s being a huge fan of David Sylvian who wore a lot of make up (he looked damn gorgeous in it) but he never gave off pretending to be a woman vibes.

Show quote history

I paused an old Top Of The Pops the other day on this image. Damn he was beautiful.

Would you date a man who cross dressed?
Batiqueattic · 03/04/2023 14:06

Another nope. Big turn off sexually to me personally.

PriamFarrl · 03/04/2023 14:12
freddie mercury 80s GIF

At least he was honest upfront. Like many other have said, gender non conforming arty type, fine. Freddie breaking free, no.

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 03/04/2023 14:20

Let’s mention Grayson Perry again - entirely acceptable to my mind; surely we’re not suggesting he’s a paedophile?!

HangerLaneGyratorySystem · 03/04/2023 14:21

Sorry cross post I was way behind on the thread. Ignore me.

Welshywitch · 03/04/2023 14:23

No not a chance

Sceptre86 · 03/04/2023 14:24

No.

ohsuzannah · 03/04/2023 14:27

Sicario · 03/04/2023 09:13

Not knowingly, no.
So coming home unexpectedly after forgetting something and finding a set of clothes carefully laid out on the bed which were obviously going to be put on was a bit of a shock.

Were they your clothes? 😱

JustDanceAddict · 03/04/2023 14:29

Depends - I’d be fine w gender non-conforming as my DD is like this, but it’d have to be more Harry styles than Grayson Perry!!

lljkk · 03/04/2023 14:29

Sounds like, at best, FWB territory. I just don't want to deal with someone else's emotional baggage.

SupplyIsLimited · 03/04/2023 14:29

No way. I find that the opposite of attractive, and I'd definitely worry that it could develop into something more as the years progress. It's not something I want in my life, ever.

Thesharkradar · 03/04/2023 14:31

His primary sexual attraction is to himself as a woman, you would just become an accessory to his sexual fetish

BlueHeelers · 03/04/2023 14:33

No.

I have a colleague I work closely with who I know likes to cross-dress. He’s a lovely man, but it’s an area of his life that makes me just a bit “ick.”

Whatafustercluck · 03/04/2023 14:42

No, not for me. I don't have a problem with it, but I couldn't and wouldn't be in a long term relationship with it.

My poor long suffering sister found out a couple of years ago that her dh was a cross dresser. He'd kept it from her for well over 20 years. It only came out after various other issues over numerous years - he is also an alcoholic, had a traumatic upbringing and loads of mental health baggage as a result. I used to feel sorry for him but he's put my sister through so much, and every time she's picked up the pieces. I cannot for the life of me begin to understand why she is still with him, continually putting her needs last. He's a completely messed up individual, the cross dressing is the least of it. Some people are not capable of change. If he can lie about something like that for so long, what else is he hiding?!

Sorry, went off on a bit of a ranty tangent there.

Wtfisthis1 · 03/04/2023 14:43

No. Massive ick

Thesharkradar · 03/04/2023 14:54

He's a completely messed up individual, the cross dressing is the least of it
Messed up individuals tend to mess with your head so that you can't tell up from down, this happens by default because of what they are like, if they also do it as a deliberate calculated strategy then it's even worse and harder to see through.

SophiaSW1 · 03/04/2023 14:55

No. Not for me

DOBARDAN · 03/04/2023 15:15

heathspeedwell · 03/04/2023 12:45

Don't be fooled into thinking he was 'decent' for letting you know about this fetish at the start. He probably mentioned this more socially acceptable kink to test your boundaries.

Given that paraphilias cluster, the likelihood is that he has other fetishes that would have come out further down the line when you were more invested in him and less likely to walk away. For example, I don't think it's a coincidence that so many men come out as trans after their wife has just given birth.

Yes, good point, on reflection, I think you are right.

Finalstar · 03/04/2023 15:19

No.

No issue at all with people who don't conform. But I am not into fetishes and that includes cross dressing.