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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you date a man who cross dressed?

576 replies

Supernova23 · 03/04/2023 09:06

Compatible in most ways but they admitted from the beginning they cross dressed. Would you?

OP posts:
Didimum · 03/04/2023 11:48

What response did you think you’d get on Mumsnet of all places?

RealMcKoy · 03/04/2023 11:50

No. Once upon a time, my instant "no" would have been based upon the "Prejudice" that men who cross dress are "weird".
Now my instant "no" is based upon the KNOWLEDGE that men who cross dress are overwhelmingly weird, thus justifying my long ago, young woman gut feeling.

Sorrynotsorry2 · 03/04/2023 11:50

No

TheKeatingFive · 03/04/2023 11:51

What response did you think you’d get on Mumsnet of all places?

You think this is an unusual position for women? Seriously?

Broadbeachshallow · 03/04/2023 11:51

What does it matter if I'd date him? You're the person in question. Do you find that trait attractive or not? There's no right or wrong here, only your opinion.

Ivalueloyaltyaboveallelse · 03/04/2023 11:52

No.

Eightiesgirl · 03/04/2023 11:55

@HedgehogManager Yes, I was only early 20s and not very experienced. It took me a long time to trust a man again. It really disturbed me. I felt sorry his late wife, they hadn't slept together till marriage and I always wondered if he'd sprung that little "surprise" on her too on their wedding night, when the poor woman had tied herself legally to him.

Terzani · 03/04/2023 11:58

Nope. Him ”dating” you only means that he will eventually use your clothes for his fetish.

RealMcKoy · 03/04/2023 11:58

There you go, revealing the elephant in the room, especially when these men are over praised for looking a hot mess in the knowledge that if a woman comported herself the same way, she would be dragged relentlessly.
Somebody had to say it; glad it was you.
Those 1980s fellas with make up weren't trying to "look like women". That is why their look didn't "jar" the eyes. They weren't trying to repel people with any humiliation kink, hence why they didn't need forced speech to accommodate them into everyday life, the better to gain any kicks.

SummerDawn2000 · 03/04/2023 12:06

Honestly. I’d accept it but it would be his thing he does on his own. You don’t have to share everything as a couple. It’s his thing, doesn’t have to be yours. You do not have to be a part of it Don’t force yourself either. Leave it at being his thing.

Lndnmummy · 03/04/2023 12:07

Supernova23 · 03/04/2023 09:06

Compatible in most ways but they admitted from the beginning they cross dressed. Would you?

No

AprilFool23 · 03/04/2023 12:08

Everyone's already "cross dressing" - most of the female & make population are wearing jeans, trousers, hackers, sweaters, hoodies, trainers etc every day.
Not many women even wear dresses and skirts on an average day, and definitely not casual.

What they mean/do therefore is take a dressed up, "glamourous", made up, stereotypical, "sexy" aesthetic that is all about emphasising stereotypical femininity and making women look as far as possible from men; this started in good ol' Victorian times (was not actually the case before then); it's got a real element of objectifying women and fetishizing women and a part of it is usually wanting to be listed over and sometimes degraded. It's based on quite disturbing and objectifying views of women and what bring a woman & femininity is.

I therefore find it creepy.

Aesthetically I find it a massive turn off too.

I'm heterosexual and Im attracted to men looking like men (they can be dressed like Adam Ant, New Romantics, whoever; they're still looking like men..... Not men trying to look like a clichéd, "sexy" version of women.

AprilFool23 · 03/04/2023 12:11

*wanting to be lusted over and sometimes degraded.

You have to wonder what's going on in their heads, it doesn't speak of being well adjusted.

AprilFool23 · 03/04/2023 12:13

I think it's no coincidence that a lot of cross dressing is associated with "sissification" fetishes; which are all about being degraded; because ultimately they see being female and having sex as a female degrading.

onionringcheeseypuff · 03/04/2023 12:16

No

Verv · 03/04/2023 12:18

Nope. He's an autogynephile and about 5 minutes away from coming out as his "true authentic self" to rounds of stunning and brave.
Avoid that hot mess before it starts.

CurlewKate · 03/04/2023 12:18

I probably wouldn't date anyone with a kink or a fetish. I like vanilla sex.

AprilFool23 · 03/04/2023 12:19

There is nothing about the aesthetic visually or the mentality behind it that would make me feel attracted to a man, quite the opposite.

Original poster
Supernova23 · 03/04/2023 12:19

Jeez, I wasn't expecting to come back to over 300 replies LOL. I've blocked him. I asked him about it and it and it involved fake breasts and wigs. Sorry, but just no. I like a man to be a man. If I wanted to get with someone with breasts, I'd date a woman with actual breasts. Any normal men out there?

OP posts:
AprilFool23 · 03/04/2023 12:21

SummerDawn2000 · 03/04/2023 12:06

Honestly. I’d accept it but it would be his thing he does on his own. You don’t have to share everything as a couple. It’s his thing, doesn’t have to be yours. You do not have to be a part of it Don’t force yourself either. Leave it at being his thing.

You would know about it.

It's a huge turn off for many women.

AprilFool23 · 03/04/2023 12:23

Supernova23 · 03/04/2023 12:19

Jeez, I wasn't expecting to come back to over 300 replies LOL. I've blocked him. I asked him about it and it and it involved fake breasts and wigs. Sorry, but just no. I like a man to be a man. If I wanted to get with someone with breasts, I'd date a woman with actual breasts. Any normal men out there?

Why the fuck is he even trying to date women?

He's need to go on some specialist fetish dating forum for the 0.0000001% of women who'd be ok with this. Why is he wasting women's time on mainstream sites.

pikantna · 03/04/2023 12:23

Probably not. It might depend on the details but my knee jerk reaction is that I'd be far less attracted to them so wouldn't want to date them. As with all hypotheticals, though, the reality of the situation might feel very different than a casual discussion online.

maranella · 03/04/2023 12:24

No, because it would be a massive turn off, as would any kind of fetish. I once went out for a drink with a friend from uni who was interested in me (I wasn't sure if I was interested in him or not). He said 'It's important that you know that I'm a foot fetishist' and that it was it! No interest whatsoever.

AprilFool23 · 03/04/2023 12:25

maranella · 03/04/2023 12:24

No, because it would be a massive turn off, as would any kind of fetish. I once went out for a drink with a friend from uni who was interested in me (I wasn't sure if I was interested in him or not). He said 'It's important that you know that I'm a foot fetishist' and that it was it! No interest whatsoever.

You could have gotten a lot of free pedicures out of that mate.

DOBARDAN · 03/04/2023 12:26

At least he had the decency to mention it to you very early on, but no, it's not for me, never was, and never will be,