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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Garden Party

149 replies

Peckhaminn · 02/04/2023 18:01

I'm looking at having a garden party for my birthday mid summer with all of our close friends (perhaps 30 people) and we live in a close knit new build estate where everyone's on top of each other. We are semi detached. We will have music and will inform both neighbours behind us and next to us. We have told guests that the party will start at 2:30 and finish at 11 as our neighbours have young children. Is this reasonable?

OP posts:
mnisannoyingAF · 02/04/2023 19:14

@GoodChat haha they're sometimes the worst 😂😂

Zoe303 · 02/04/2023 19:15

I think reasonable would be to go indoors by 9:30 or so and music off completely by 11.. but if it’s a special occasion you might feel it’s fair to be unreasonable as a one off..

transformandriseup · 02/04/2023 19:19

As a one off it's completely fine. Life is for living.

MrsMiddleMother · 02/04/2023 19:20

It's absolutely fine as long as its the weekend. Pretty standard for weekends in the summer

Oldnproud · 02/04/2023 19:22

Depending on how many houses are nearby, every f-ing weekend of the summer could be someone's 'one-off special occasion'.

Tinkerbyebye · 02/04/2023 19:32

Unless all the neighbours are invited YABU. 8 hours is a long time and at night noise really carries

10pm at the latest and even then I would be annoyed if it was too loud

RichardHeed · 02/04/2023 19:34

It's not about rights, it's about responsibilities. We all have a responsibility to be a good neighbors.
Part of that responsibility is also being accommodating and understanding that others live a different way to you. If OP was having mad alcohol and drug fuelled raves until 4am then obviously that is an issue. A one off party finishing at a reasonable time with advanced warning, absolutely fine and very neighbourly and considerate to inform you before hand.

If you expect to never be inconvenienced by or hear your neighbours the onus is on you to move somewhere you can expect that.

But this is MN where even being invited to a party is the worst thing to ever happen to someone. Reality is a lot different.

Original poster
Peckhaminn · 02/04/2023 19:39

Yes would only do it on a Saturday! Maybe 3-9 would be better suited? Just trying to consider everyone. Some of our friends can get quite rowdy once they've had a drink so best to keep it finishing earlier. Oh what I'd do to have a detached house!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Peckhaminn · 02/04/2023 19:40

Tinkerbyebye · 02/04/2023 19:32

Unless all the neighbours are invited YABU. 8 hours is a long time and at night noise really carries

10pm at the latest and even then I would be annoyed if it was too loud

We wouldn't invite any of our neighbours, as majority are much older than us with children and I'm more than certain they wouldn't want to come anyway.

OP posts:
nomoremerlot · 02/04/2023 19:48

TorchwoodWho · 02/04/2023 18:49

DP is always asking me "won't your consider even a semi-detached?"
I did think that one day, I might, then I read threads like this about all the noise that may come with it and I'm resolved - detached with no immediate neighbours forever more, I've gotten used to it and not having to listen to other people's racket no matter what they decide to do. 🤣

Sooooo being detached makes noise not travel?

Go for it OP!

Enjoy

GoodChat · 02/04/2023 19:55

@nomoremerlot well she's got no immediate neighbours so...

nomoremerlot · 02/04/2023 19:59

GoodChat · 02/04/2023 19:55

@nomoremerlot well she's got no immediate neighbours so...

So..... noise still travels!

GoodChat · 02/04/2023 20:02

@nomoremerlot yes but not having immediate neighbours clearly means the same noise level would be much less disruptive

I8toys · 02/04/2023 20:03

I'd have no issues but seems like a long stretch. Do you have a contingency for rain? And for the love of god don't finish with feckin fireworks unless you really want to piss them off.

TorchwoodWho · 02/04/2023 20:08

What @GoodChat said, noise may travel, but not with no-one close by. We live rurally so our nearest "neighbours" would really need to put effort in for noise to reach us. We might hear it if they had a party with festival-level speakers and amplifiers dotted all round and thousands of attendees, but probably not enough to be a huge issue.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 02/04/2023 20:08

I used to live next door to someone who did this regularly so once in a while wouldn't bother me. I wouldn't even expect anyone to come and warn me tbh

UsingChangeofName · 02/04/2023 20:12

2.30 - 11, inflicting your sound system on other people is far too long.
Even more so now you have admitted you expect your friends to get quite rowdy once they've had a drink

ConstanceOcean · 02/04/2023 20:14

Peckhaminn · 02/04/2023 19:39

Yes would only do it on a Saturday! Maybe 3-9 would be better suited? Just trying to consider everyone. Some of our friends can get quite rowdy once they've had a drink so best to keep it finishing earlier. Oh what I'd do to have a detached house!!!

I think turning the music off outside at 9 is a good idea.

If it gets turned off at 11 you are guaranteed that people won’t go home until 12/1 and they’ll be loud and drunk.

8 hours of music and loud people and then another couple hours of rowdy people after midnight might be a bit much.

Justalittlebitduckling · 02/04/2023 20:17

I think you will create a lot more goodwill
if you invite them to pop over for a drink.

Favouritefruits · 02/04/2023 20:17

I’d be so annoyed but it is legal and I wouldn’t complain I’d just be annoyed in my own house !

2023forme · 02/04/2023 20:19

@Peckhaminn YANBU. It’s a new build estate - it’s likely that there will be a party of some sort every weekend and if good weather, likely to be in the garden. 11pm is reasonable IMHO but agree music shouldn’t be pounding at any point really.

FrenchandSaunders · 02/04/2023 20:20

Sounds fine OP, it’s not like it’s every weekend.
Wouldn’t bother me at all.

Our neighbours son had a party the other week when his parents went away, went on until about 2am, but they are lovely people and very considerate so we just got on with it, it’s rare, we don’t usually hear a peep from them and they’re attached to us 🤷🏼‍♀️

drpet49 · 02/04/2023 20:20

Peckhaminn · 02/04/2023 19:39

Yes would only do it on a Saturday! Maybe 3-9 would be better suited? Just trying to consider everyone. Some of our friends can get quite rowdy once they've had a drink so best to keep it finishing earlier. Oh what I'd do to have a detached house!!!

I’d turn the music off at 9pm but otherwise
fine

Thatsridiculous · 02/04/2023 20:21

I would have no issue with this if you were my neighbour. Especially as you are giving them notice.

I imagine people will be in and out of the house anyway.

mondaytosunday · 02/04/2023 20:23

It would be ok by me but you don't have to have the music too loud - people at a party should be able to talk to each other without screaming.