Does anyone else look quite young

[EgyptAdvice]

but really hate it? I'm not here to brag and I'm sure that I'll be accused of just that, but this is genuinely something which bothers me quite a lot. I'm in my mid 30s, but don't feel I get taken seriously because I look young. I was recently asked if I was my partner's daughter (we are no longer together, he's only 8 years older than me, but he still brings this up lightheartedly) and feel I don't get taken seriously at work when in male dominated meetings. I'm constantly being told I look young and one of the men at work called me 'babyface' which felt quite demeaning. It no longer feels like a compliment (such as if you get asked for ID when buying alcohol) but more like a running joke. I'm constantly googling 'ways to make yourself look older'. Am I being unreasonable that commenting on someone's appearance like this isn't ok? Or should I just take it as a compliment?

I've always looked way younger than my age, my mum and dad both did too. At 53 it's catching up with me a bit but I still don't look as old as some of the people I was at school with.
Some people really do just have those kind of genes!

It would be far more interesting to hear from people who had always been mistaken for older than their age

I'm 48 and get asked for ID in Asda.

No I look like a haggered old woman.
todays look is the bird lady off home alone.
have a lovely Sunday x

I started a new job recently. It is work from home. So I have never met my new boss in person. Only online. On a zoom call she told me she had recently had a 40th birthday. I said happy birthday.

On our next zoom call she told me that she had two kids. She asked me did I have any kids. I said no. She said "ah you are too young to have kids".

I'm 39! She is 40. I wonder how old she thinks I am. She hasn't asked. I presume she thinks I'm in my early 20s?

Just goes to show you should never presume anyone's age

To all those saying they were told women who are 40 look really old / are ancient etc. Who exactly told you this?..,

This! I now have so much grey hair I look like a poundland version of Tan France, to make matters worse my husband is a bit baby faced, blonde and incapable of growing any facial hair, so it looks like our age gap is bigger than it really is.

They might not be that tight.

I frequently get mistaken for 10 to 15 years younger than I actually am.

In my case, I don't think it's a compliment at all - I think it's casual racism. It really winds me up when everyone seems to think it's some kind of stealth brag. It's really not.

@polka62 men told me that women at 40 are ancient. Society told me told me that women at 40 are ancient Adverts told me. 40 year old women were depicted on TV as ancient crones, barely able to do anything. Actresses once they hit forty were seen as totally over the hill. We were told that 40 year olds were People who should stay at home and do knitting.

Even now I think this stigma still really affects women.

For example I go to meetup groups. We go to bars and nightclubs. I often see men in their 40s in these meetup groups, still having lots of fun, still seeing themselves as young, still going to bars. I have never ever seen women over 40 in these groups. As women at that age are told to think that they are really old! And shouldn't be out in bars at meetups etc.

You will see men in their forties still thinking they are young. You see women in their forties thinking they are really old. Because society tells them that they are.

Yep. I'm 347 and only use lard on my face but still get asked for ID.
Chuh.

@handmeaparachute
Are you of East Asian heritage?
I worked for years in Asia and in general, women look much younger, for their age, than western women.

But ALL women at 40 look young.

Look at Shakira. She is in her forties. .

Again it is that we have had our perception of 30-40 year old women warped by media. We have been told by the media to see 30-40 year old women as extremely old.

So whenever someone actually sees a woman in her thirties/forties they get shocked that she looks so young, because she doesn't fit the warped media perception of what women at that age should look like

On mumsnet people frequently have trouble dropping their kids off at nursery without being dragged into a preschool class and sat down on the magic story carpet because they look soooooo young.

Love this! 😂😂 😂

Paris Hilton is 42. Look at photos of her. She looks like what the media tells us "20 year olds look like".

When in fact women in their forties look like how Paris Hilton looks. 30s are not old. 40s are not old. Women are in their prime at these ages.

There was so much abuse done to women by the media.

I look much younger than I am, but that’s because I never take my reading glasses into the bathroom, where all the mirrors are. And at 60 (nearly) my hair has almost no grey in it, naturally/genetically - a 70-year old male neighbour of mine also still has almost all brown hair, and he looks about 50.

My niece will be 30 next year and still looks like a teenager, partly because she’s tiny, 5’0”, and partly (imo) because she never wears make-up. She’s always getting IDed in pubs, and as her husband is heee-yooge at 6’4” with a beard, she looks like his daughter when they’re out together.

I do, I quite like it! Over the last few years I've been mistaken as my sons friend (he's 19!), and last year whilst walking around his Uni campus on drop off day, someone assumed I was a student

Bingo. Whilst women of East Asian heritage look younger than Western women age for age, that doesn't mean all East Asian women are 20-something forever.

I frequently get mistaken for a student and it's horrible when you're trying to get taken seriously in the workplace. Like I said, this isn't some stealth brag or delusion - I do often get taken as much younger than I actually am, and it hinders me.

I don't think I'd have this problem in the UK if I were white.

@Mooshamoo
We compare ourselves to how women were some decades ago, but most of us have easier lives now so we don't age as quickly like before, so in a couple of decades what is considered unusual now, will be regular. Maybe.

Wear a waterfall cardigan. I think they are incredibly ageing. Or a jumper with a picture of a wolf on.

Younger yes but not outrageously so. I'm 37 this year and being asked for ID is happening less and less. I am really short at 5'1 and I mostly dress in tracksuit bottoms and uggs so that doesn't help, or I'm in my work uniform of a black skirt, black tights and a white shirt which looks a bit schoolgirl like even though my face doesn't.

I tend to get asked less when I'm with the kids, I must give off totally different vibes and I think it's behaviour in my case that makes me get asked. If I don't have ID I stress that I'll get asked and probably look shifty. Last year I was out and didn't know where I was going so as we approached a bar I sent my husband in front as he knows the way. Immediately I was asked for ID by the doormen because it probably looked a bit suspicious.

For me it's not an issue, I'm not in a role at work where I need to be taken seriously and actually it probably helps to look younger. The only time it's an issue is when I'm trying to buy alcohol and I've forgotten my ID. Bad times if I get asked and refused 😟

People are often shocked I have a 15yo… I assume it’s because they’re bad at maths rather than I look young. I’m 41 and had dd1 age 26 so not a big shock surely?

I don't any more, I think my body shape (bit overweight and droopy) betrays my age. .

However, in my 20's I certainly felt that way. At work as a teacher parents didn't take me seriously and in my first job the headteacher told me off for going into the staffroom. I was wearing a white shirt and black trousers so similar to the uniform. We didn't even have a sixth form so she thought I must look about 15/16 (I was 22).

It's frustrating when you feel people are talking down to you as if you are unexperienced. I can remember in a job when I was in my early 30's an older teacher talking to me and a male colleague about a problem with a child we taught. Colleague was exactly the same age as me. He spoke to him as if he knew what he was on about and I still had so much to learn "Of course, when you've been doing this a few years like us old hands..." I pointed out that I had the same length of service and experience and he was quite shocked and changed his attitude towards me from then onwards.

I also used to make a point of dropping it into discussions with students too "Well I've been doing this for 15 years and I've never had a student behave like this..." etc. It seemed to help them take me more seriously.

Try dropping it into conversation "Well in the x many years I've been doing this" or something like that.

I have a ridiculous babyface and it’s shite for work and general social interactions I think. I’m 37 and people seem to think I’m mid twenties. It doesn’t help that I’m quite reserved I think. The whole thing was brought up at my last job as a problem to be dealt with. The coach the boss got in just told me to wear heavy rimmed glasses. 🙄

It’s definitely bad for dating too.

I’m 45 now and I’ve got ID’d twice in the last few weeks. In my mind I know I have a baby face but it’s a bit ridiculous!? When I showed my drivers’ licence the reactions of the shop staff were shock. One even asked their colleague to guess my age. It was a tad embarrassing to be honest but having said that I’ll happily put up with it. I’ve accepted it’s part of who I am.