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AIBU?

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Original poster

Does anyone else look quite young

328 replies

EgyptAdvice · 02/04/2023 11:43

but really hate it? I'm not here to brag and I'm sure that I'll be accused of just that, but this is genuinely something which bothers me quite a lot. I'm in my mid 30s, but don't feel I get taken seriously because I look young. I was recently asked if I was my partner's daughter (we are no longer together, he's only 8 years older than me, but he still brings this up lightheartedly) and feel I don't get taken seriously at work when in male dominated meetings. I'm constantly being told I look young and one of the men at work called me 'babyface' which felt quite demeaning. It no longer feels like a compliment (such as if you get asked for ID when buying alcohol) but more like a running joke. I'm constantly googling 'ways to make yourself look older'. Am I being unreasonable that commenting on someone's appearance like this isn't ok? Or should I just take it as a compliment?

OP posts:
Fluffygreenslippers · 02/04/2023 11:59

Are you also tiny OP & can’t eat a whole magnum?

PussBilledDuckyPlait · 02/04/2023 11:59

Nope. I have looked middle-aged most of my life and I still look middle-aged now I am. I have an 'old' sort of face.

Theladyinred · 02/04/2023 12:01

I'm 40 this year and regularly people ask if my 18 Yr old ds is my partner coz he is 6ft 2 and looks older than he is.

I got asked for I.d recently for a can of energy drink , stood next to my 15 Yr old and I'm like erm this is my daughter??? I do often wonder if its due to how I dress ? Or is it because a lot of younger people now look older than they are I'm not sure.

I don't mind it although my mum didn't look her age for many years but now looks older than she is so I'm expecting that too.

EsmeSusanOgg · 02/04/2023 12:01

I've been told, quite often, that I look late 20s/ early 30s. I'm actually late 30. And unfortunately find people then assume I am less experienced/ senior than I am. Not an issue I find men have, especially if they look slightly older than they are.

Unfortunately, despite looking quite baby-faced... My knees damned well know I'm older.

Mind, I think many people are really bad at guessing ages! Especually between 28-42 ages (whether you're a man or a woman).

Goldenbear · 02/04/2023 12:02

IDontWantToBeAPie · 02/04/2023 11:54

Thankfully nobody questions my competency at work. Likely because I'm a harsh northerner in a room full of poshos. The accent makes a massive difference. You can see them straighten after I speak.

DH's work context may described like that but I am not sure it makes any difference, it is the quality of the work that they are presenting that makes people professionally respect you these days.

IdealisticThinker · 02/04/2023 12:03

I'm sorry to hear someone calls you baby face at work, personally I'd hate that. I've always looked young for my age and I'm now mid 30s and had the same problems at work. In a way it has made me become more determined to show them my experience professionally and not let them dismiss me. I know it can be tough but sometimes these things can make you stronger. Everyone has there own challenges in life. Please dont worry about trying to look older just continue being you.

Original poster
EgyptAdvice · 02/04/2023 12:03

EsmeSusanOgg · 02/04/2023 12:01

I've been told, quite often, that I look late 20s/ early 30s. I'm actually late 30. And unfortunately find people then assume I am less experienced/ senior than I am. Not an issue I find men have, especially if they look slightly older than they are.

Unfortunately, despite looking quite baby-faced... My knees damned well know I'm older.

Mind, I think many people are really bad at guessing ages! Especually between 28-42 ages (whether you're a man or a woman).

Yes my torso is like a sack of potatoes after having my son, and if I showed you a photo of that alone you would definitely not think I was in my 20s!

OP posts:
EsmeSusanOgg · 02/04/2023 12:03

PussBilledDuckyPlait · 02/04/2023 11:59

Nope. I have looked middle-aged most of my life and I still look middle-aged now I am. I have an 'old' sort of face.

I have a friend like this. He has looked late 30s/ early 40s since he was 20. And still does. You must have quite timeless features! I suspect in 20 years, you will still look middle-aged... Whisky everyone else looks older!

WhatFreshHeckle · 02/04/2023 12:04

BabychamGlass · 02/04/2023 11:45

Well this is Mumsnet, so yes, everyone basically.

🤣

I'm 96 but I'm constantly being ID'ed myself. I cry myself to sleep over it. It is AWFUL and you have no idea how I have suffered making it to this age and never being taken seriously as an adult 😢

Cazziebo · 02/04/2023 12:04

I worked with someone who was studying part time. I assumed she was 19/20. I was totally shocked when she told me one of her sons had qualified as an accountant and one was just finishing university. I like to think I didn't treat her any differently but I did assume this was her first job...she was very good at it.

Crikeyalmightey · 02/04/2023 12:07

There are worse problems to have. I think you will look back in 10 years time and wonder why you worried about it. I know I have.

Newusernameaug · 02/04/2023 12:07

I can totally see why this is a pain for you.
As a woman in a male dominated industry I’m already aware of the feminine and attractive I look the less I’m taken seriously and have to work twice as hard as the men to prove myself, let alone if I looked young too.

Original poster
EgyptAdvice · 02/04/2023 12:09

Crikeyalmightey · 02/04/2023 12:07

There are worse problems to have. I think you will look back in 10 years time and wonder why you worried about it. I know I have.

Of course there are worse problems. My main one being the cost of living crisis, my huge amounts of debt and paying my next electric bill. Maybe that will age me a bit!

OP posts:
Pinkdelight3 · 02/04/2023 12:11

I've always looked young for my age. Am now nearing 50 and straw poll at last job put me at 36. I don't hate that at all, but it was more annoying when I was in my 20s/30s in senior jobs and people under-estimated me, treated me like the office junior etc. I remember being pleased when I had to start wearing glasses as that made me look more mature and I got taken more seriously - sweeping statements of course, not saying everyone makes dumb assumptions but there was a general vibe esp in more male-dominated workplaces. Anyway, I still have never hated it overall and love looking younger for the most part, so try to focus on the pro's as you'll look older soon enough.

Crikeyalmightey · 02/04/2023 12:14

There you go, then. No point worrying about stuff you can't change. Count your blessings.

IsolatedWilderness · 02/04/2023 12:15

I minded when I was 22 and looked 15 - and was out with my toddler and obviously pregnant. People make such judgements and assumptions.

Now that I'm 50, no, I don't mind at all. I'm sure looking early 40s helps with ageism and I never let on my age in job interviews. They are allowed to assume I'm younger.

bluetongue · 02/04/2023 12:16

I used to look much younger than my age until I hit about 43. Suddenly I looked my age and it was a shock to the system. Enjoy while you can!

IsolatedWilderness · 02/04/2023 12:18

bluetongue · 02/04/2023 12:16

I used to look much younger than my age until I hit about 43. Suddenly I looked my age and it was a shock to the system. Enjoy while you can!

If it's not too personal (if it is, ignore me), is that about when you hit pre-menopause? I hear that's when we really age. I've just started hitting signs of menopause approaching at 50, so wonder if my young looks are on borrowed time.

Bamboux · 02/04/2023 12:18

IDontWantToBeAPie · 02/04/2023 11:51

Yup. 28 years old and get IDd at every bar, restaurant, supermarket.

It's very annoying especially bc DP is also a baby face. People don't take us seriously. They treat us like wayward teens. We're 10 years past adult age!!

It's normal to get id'd at 28. They have to be certain you are over 25.

It is only since I reached my 40s that I no longer or very rarely get id'd. I do not look freakishly young for my age. I was id'd consistently throughout my 20s and 30s.

Shoutinglagerlagerlager · 02/04/2023 12:33

I’m in your boat OP, it gets annoying.

I’m the same age as my ex and when we were both 30 people used to tell him he was out of order for dating a teenager 😳. It’s an annoying problem to have but I’m pretty sure it won’t last forever. I’m guessing that by the time I’m 50 I should be able to buy alcohol without ID.

My Ma is 70 and looks 50+ but unlike us, she’s loving it 😂

CovertImage · 02/04/2023 12:46

God, thread threads are cringy and fascinating at the same time. I see we have the usual "I'm 46 but I look 28 and I hate it because no-one takes me seriously" types

No-one takes you seriously because you think you look 28 mate

Flamingolip · 02/04/2023 12:47

I’m in my late 30s and I’d say i look about 44… Too much partying in my youth 😂

Sameiam · 02/04/2023 12:48

I definitely don’t get taken as seriously at work which is very annoying, especially as there isn’t a more senior woman in my department so is a bit of a lads club. Someone at the work Christmas do in another department asked me if I’d just graduated.

also gets a bit ridiculous when I wasn’t even allowed to buy a red bull the other day in coop when I didn’t have id on me. I’m nearly 32! There is no way the woman thought I was 15, I do think some of the age check stuff is a bit power gone to people’s heads in a job where they don’t have much agency vs genuinely believing under 25 etc.

Findyourneutralspace · 02/04/2023 12:50

Yep, I was a spring chicken and people assumed I was a teenage mum because of the age of my children. Then I hit my mid 40s and I caught up with myself.
I do have EDS which often makes people look younger, due to the collagen though.

Beachwalker66 · 02/04/2023 12:50

Yes, I have Ehlers Danlos Syndrome and look significantly younger than I am. I have also been mistaken for XH daughter on numerous occasions.

A previous manager was a proper bitch about it - accused me of lying and "taking her for a muppet"

Now I am late fifties it's far more beneficial.