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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Does anyone else look quite young

328 replies

EgyptAdvice · 02/04/2023 11:43

but really hate it? I'm not here to brag and I'm sure that I'll be accused of just that, but this is genuinely something which bothers me quite a lot. I'm in my mid 30s, but don't feel I get taken seriously because I look young. I was recently asked if I was my partner's daughter (we are no longer together, he's only 8 years older than me, but he still brings this up lightheartedly) and feel I don't get taken seriously at work when in male dominated meetings. I'm constantly being told I look young and one of the men at work called me 'babyface' which felt quite demeaning. It no longer feels like a compliment (such as if you get asked for ID when buying alcohol) but more like a running joke. I'm constantly googling 'ways to make yourself look older'. Am I being unreasonable that commenting on someone's appearance like this isn't ok? Or should I just take it as a compliment?

OP posts:
JamSandle · 02/04/2023 12:50

People regularly think im 20s when I'm 30s but I love it.

IsolatedWilderness · 02/04/2023 12:54

I think I have EDS. It's been suggested to me.

I'm now seeing my daughter, who also looks young, live the looking young thing. Just two weeks ago: "She can't buy that because she's under 18 but Mum can." She is definitely over 18.

ifeelimgoingmad · 02/04/2023 13:00

It does become annoying especially in work scenarios.

I’m almost 30, my daughter is taller than me as are her peers and I am consistently asked for id.

The best one so far has to be at the schools Halloween disco, us parent helpers were asked to dress up etc and join in the fun and encourage the kids to dance. A tik tok dance song came for the best dancer competition on and me and the other mums got to work encouraging the kids to dance. I thought the Dj was joking when he approached me saying I’d won best dancer cos I for one cannot do that dance! 🤣 I had to explain that I was the adult helper and not one of the pupils. My daughter was absolutely mortified although me and the head teacher had a right old giggle at it once my red face calmed.

In work no one ever believes my age or the age of my daughter.

kitsuneghost · 02/04/2023 13:11

I looked very young in my thirties. Hit my forties and it has rapidly caught up with me.

LemonPeonies · 02/04/2023 13:17

Yep, I get ID'd for tobacco etc all the time and get told I look early 20's. I'm 34, a ward sister and get treated differently once people know my age and that I have a kid. It can be annoying. MN get up in arms about this though because of jealousy.

DedicatedFollowerOfFashion84 · 02/04/2023 13:22

Yep. But I assume it’s because I’m quite short and dress like a grungy art student. Frequently get ID’d buying wine in Tesco etc… I’m 38 ffs

Confused19831983 · 02/04/2023 14:20

Yes, I have always looked very young. I am 40 and all the way through my 20s and early to mid 30s I don't think I was taken as seriously at work because of it. The combination of being petite, young looking and a woman can definitely lead to people making unfair assumptions about you. In the past several years as I have started to look a bit older (but still not 40) and I feel attitudes towards me have changed for the better and I am given more respect. I totally understand where you are coming from OP. You shouldn't have to change anything about yourself. It's the people who call you baby face at work who have the problem, not you. I am sure your situation will get better in time.

Kanaloa · 02/04/2023 14:21

EgyptAdvice · 02/04/2023 11:53

I am definitely performing well. My performance is always 'exceeding' in my reviews and my manager is complimentary.

Show quote history

Then you clearly are being taken seriously - you are seen as a competent member of staff who is ‘exceeding.’ So I’m not sure what the issue is.

ancientgran · 02/04/2023 14:24

A bit off topic but I hate my neck, I think necks show age quite badly but I was ridiculously cheered up watching Suella Braverman being interviewed this morning, she's nearly 30 years younger than me and her neck is worse. I don't know why it cheered me up because I still don't like my neck but I am glad I haven't got hers.

Kanaloa · 02/04/2023 14:25

LemonPeonies · 02/04/2023 13:17

Yep, I get ID'd for tobacco etc all the time and get told I look early 20's. I'm 34, a ward sister and get treated differently once people know my age and that I have a kid. It can be annoying. MN get up in arms about this though because of jealousy.

It’s not because it’s jealousy, it’s because it is unlikely to be accurate. Adult women being mistaken for little girls is just extremely unlikely. That’s why you rarely see an adult actor cast as a primary school child. Maybe they’d cast adults playing a teen, but even then that only works because we, the audience, accept that it is unrealistic and move on. Most people look (more or less) their own age. And if the op is told she is exceeding and a great member of staff it obviously isn’t holding her back.

ancientgran · 02/04/2023 14:28

Kanaloa · 02/04/2023 14:25

It’s not because it’s jealousy, it’s because it is unlikely to be accurate. Adult women being mistaken for little girls is just extremely unlikely. That’s why you rarely see an adult actor cast as a primary school child. Maybe they’d cast adults playing a teen, but even then that only works because we, the audience, accept that it is unrealistic and move on. Most people look (more or less) their own age. And if the op is told she is exceeding and a great member of staff it obviously isn’t holding her back.

Show quote history

I agree with you about the looking young bit but I do think some people look much older than their age.

Cam22 · 02/04/2023 14:31

EgyptAdvice · 02/04/2023 11:49

Yes outside of work it isn't an issue at all other than the one time I was mistaken for my partner's child, it's just at work that it bothers the living daylights out of me.

Show quote history

Maybe the person was too vain to wear spectacles?

Cam22 · 02/04/2023 14:33

LemonPeonies · 02/04/2023 13:17

Yep, I get ID'd for tobacco etc all the time and get told I look early 20's. I'm 34, a ward sister and get treated differently once people know my age and that I have a kid. It can be annoying. MN get up in arms about this though because of jealousy.

You’re a ward sister who uses tobacco? Wow.

Cam22 · 02/04/2023 14:34

That’s concerning.

Cam22 · 02/04/2023 14:35

Fluffygreenslippers · 02/04/2023 11:59

Are you also tiny OP & can’t eat a whole magnum?

Even a small Magnum?

2ndtimemum2 · 02/04/2023 14:41

Me op I'm 37 this year I has my first when I was 17 and people think he's my brother!!! Thank god he looks like me so no one has mistaken him as my partner! If I have my toddler with me I don't mind buying alcohol cause I won't get stopped but if I'm on my own ill avoid it as I do find it humiliating being asked for I'd.

Job wise I've a job where I've to give instruction and I'm in it so long that people know who I am so don't have to fight anymore to be respected but at the start it was hell

Grapewrath · 02/04/2023 14:57

Some of these replies are hilarious!! I’ve been asked for ID and if I’m my daughters sister etc, but I’m not naive enough to think I look like a teenager. I realise that people are trying to flatter me and have a bit of fun!
OP, I find my black friends look a lot younger in our friendship group. Perhaps black skin ages better? Start standing your ground and correcting people/telling them it’s not ok when they make comments on your appearance.

Grapewrath · 02/04/2023 14:58

I bet many of these posters who look like children also enjoy a massive salad

Mooshamoo · 02/04/2023 15:02

think people have an unrealistic view of what people look like at different ages. We have been conditioned by society to see women at age 40 as "really old". And in decline. When it is not true at all. Women at 40 look young. They are young.

When in fact women at 40 look young. Women aged between 20-40 don't really look that much different. Women don't age that much between 30-40..

I'm aged 38. I was talking to a woman the other day. Im in Ireland . I told her that I had lived in England for a couple of years. She said to me "you can't have lived in England - you barely look 20".

I overheard two women talking in a cafe yesterday. One woman said she had just turned 40. The other woman said " you don't look it".

The problem is that society has taught us all that women at age 40 look absolutely ancient.

When it is not true at all. Women are in their prime and look beautiful in their thirties and forties.

It is societies opinions that need to change

Dreamysaurus · 02/04/2023 15:06

This was me right up until my 36th birthday and suddenly my skin turned grey, wrinkles everywhere. And my hair is getting greyer by the day.

My slim 5ft 3 figure is now plump and round. 😂 my food intake hasn't changed!

I didn't even reach a nice middling sweet spot. I just went from looking 18 to looking older than I am!!

AllMySocksHaveHolesInEm · 02/04/2023 15:07

I always looked much younger until my mid 30's, it must be quite common.
I'm sure soon you will start looking your age, make the most of it!

Mooshamoo · 02/04/2023 15:08

I'm 38 and people think I am early 20s. My face hasn't changed.

how we were taught to view women at different ages is completely wrong.

i remember when I was very young being told that women at 30 were old, and women at 40 were ancient.
40 is not old at all.
Women are in their prime and are beautiful in their thirties and forties

When I turned thirty some men I knew told me I was old. I remember feeling ancient at that age because men told me I was old.

Im 38 now. I just saw a woman the other day crying about turning 30. I looked at her and thought that she was so so young. 30 is a lovely age. It is not old at all.

When I turn 40 I'm not letting anyone tell me I'm old. I'm not letting society or any man tell me that I'm old. I'm going to have fun in my forties. and be happy

WTFTwinings · 02/04/2023 15:10

This thread is panning out as expected then 😂

Dreamysaurus · 02/04/2023 15:11

I also remember being told that 40s is "really old". It isn't. Even 70s isn't "really old"

Keeween · 02/04/2023 15:11

BabychamGlass · 02/04/2023 11:45

Well this is Mumsnet, so yes, everyone basically.

The very first post has it 👏🏼 😂

If everyone thought about it hard enough they’d find issue with the way they look or with the way other people perceive them.

If you’re suffering from discrimination at work, that needs handling, and you should take it seriously, and be taken seriously in return, without getting hung up on it being appearance based.

fwiw I personally don’t think I look much different to my actual age. I’m late twenties and look mid to late twenties.