To decline bridal shower invite?

[Goodgirlgonerogue]

Been invited to a house party for sister in-laws bridal shower. It’s 2 hours train journey each way (I don’t drive). Also no children or dogs allowed (I have both). DH will be travelling on business so can’t help or drive me. Is it ok if I decline? DH says it will be frowned upon among the family and insulting if I don’t go.

Are bridal showers a thing now?

I don't have kids or s dog but would give that a massive swerve.

All very well for your husband to frown about it but what solutions is he offering for you to attend?

What's DH's solution to the DC and dog problem, therefore? Given that he thinks you SHOULD go but isn't around to dog and child watch.

FWIW I think these American "shower" things are dreadful.

I guess it depends on whether you have childcare, if you don’t then you can’t go.
If it would involve an overnight stay, it seems unlikely, unless the DH who is saying you must go rearranges his schedule.

Your DH isn't very helpful is he.

Honestly if they're that sensitive it's only a matter of time before you do something else to upset them. You have a choice of setting your boundaries now or trying unsuccessfully for a few years to do nothing to offend them before going LC because you can't take it any more. You have good reason for not going, send your apologies and don't give it another thought. Tbh your DH needs to put his big boy pants on and have your back on it if anything is said.

Wtf is a bridal shower? A hen party?

Oh no! Not frowned upon!!

Call your SIL and explain why you can’t go. I bet she’s fine about it.

Haha, decline for all your very valid reasons and give it no further thought.
What kind if hell is a bridal shower anyway?
The family would be insane to expect you to travel by train for that length of time to get there as well as needing baby and pet sitters...just No , dh can think what he likes.

‘Sorry SIL, DH is away, and I have no child- or dog-care. Have fun!’

Don’t go. Express your regrets and send flowers with a note the morning of.

Years ago we went to the US for a friends wedding - he was marrying an American. Quite a few of us went and the girls got invited to a "bridal shower". We had no idea what it was but the bride said it was a gathering at her mothers holiday home ( the wedding wasn't where they lived), about 4pm.

So we turned up straight from the beach in shorts and t shirts with a couple bottles of wine.

All the Americans were dressed to the nines , fully made up and drinking tea .

It was a completely bizarre experience and the four of us were struggling by to not giggle through the whole thing.

Have avoided any sort of "shower" thing/ event since.

Well, if dogs and children aren’t welcome, and you don’t have any options, and it’s a 4 hour round trip anyway, you just can’t go.

Let them frown. Who cares? It’s a glorified gift grab anyway.

Of course fine to decline if you don't have childcare and literally can't go! Don't give it too much headspace.

What does your husband suggest has he offered a solution?

Hello SIL/ MIL, I’m absolutely gutted that I won’t be able to come. DH is traveling and says he can’t come back in time to look after DC and DDog. If he manages to move his appointments around I’ll let you know.

DH - if you want me to go - you will need to come back. I cannot get on a train with child and dog, and there is no one to look after them.

How can you go if you actually can’t go?
Do YOU think you’re being unreasonable?

If your husband thinks it is crucial for you to go, then he needs to take time off work and look after kids and dogs to facilitate it. Or he needs to arrange sitters. What does he expect you to do???

I would say to your SIL, "I really want to come, as long as DH is OK to look after kids and dogs." Get her to put pressure on him, take the pressure off you.

It's absolutely fine to say sorry I have no childcare so can't join you - it is a bit weird that the tone seems to be that you think your children and dog should have been invited.

Where have all these shower things come from? Do we just have "showers" for everything now? I'm going to throw myself a "finished all the ironing" shower if anyone wants to come.

But seriously... Unless your husband is offering child and dog care solutions, he can frown himself into next year about your lack of attendance. You're not being unreasonable to not go.

Since your husband is so very concerned that you not attending will be frowned upon tell him he will have to take child and pet to work with him, problem solved.

Baby showers, bridal showers - all a greedy gift grabbing entitled bag of shite. I would avoid them all. Just say sorry I can’t make it due to other unavoidable commitments but have a great day and leave it at that . If they get the hump let them. Or just say sorry i can’t make it. You don’t have to go and you don’t have to give a reason.

Weird to mention the train thing first as you must be used to public transport as a non driver.

The lack of childcare/dog care is way more important

Your circumstances are such that you can’t go, so you don’t go.

@Goodgirlgonerogue - do you want to go? Could you go?