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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To decline bridal shower invite?

131 replies

Goodgirlgonerogue · 02/04/2023 10:21

Been invited to a house party for sister in-laws bridal shower. It’s 2 hours train journey each way (I don’t drive). Also no children or dogs allowed (I have both). DH will be travelling on business so can’t help or drive me. Is it ok if I decline? DH says it will be frowned upon among the family and insulting if I don’t go.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 02/04/2023 11:39

Judgyjudgy · 02/04/2023 11:37

Just decline, but YABVVVU to think a baby or a dog should be invited to a bridal shower! Ffs! 🙄

I think it was for context rather than entitlement. The bridal shower otoh smacks of it: double presents.

RampantIvy · 02/04/2023 11:44

Judgyjudgy · 02/04/2023 11:37

Just decline, but YABVVVU to think a baby or a dog should be invited to a bridal shower! Ffs! 🙄

I think you misunderstood the OP. The dog and the child are the reasons she can't go. She doesn't expect to be able to take them.

DifficultBloodyWoman · 02/04/2023 11:46

To your DH - ‘I’d love to go! Can you stay home and look after the kids and the dog? No? Oh, that’s such a shame and I am so disappointed’.

To In-Laws - ‘I’d love to come but DH refuses to look after the kids and the dog. I’m so upset. You’re upset too? Take it up with DH’.

Schmutter · 02/04/2023 11:51

Well, you’ve got perfectly valid excuses not to go.

Bridal showers are awful. I’d find any excuse not to attend.

DrManhattan · 02/04/2023 11:52

Have some covid

Original poster
Goodgirlgonerogue · 02/04/2023 11:57

Yes DH can be a bit cunty sometimes. He has no solution to offer. Yes, I am used to public transport but a 4 hour round trip still not appealing (even as a non driver). Sorry about getting order of importance wrong! I would have liked to attend if it was possible but don’t have a sitters or want to travel that long. No we’re not from outside UK or have any religion. I don’t expect dogs and children to be invited.

OP posts:
moose62 · 02/04/2023 11:57

I have been to one US bridal shower. Just another excuse for it to be 'all about the bride' and for the bride to get more presents. So what if they are offended....don't go!

MsRosley · 02/04/2023 12:03

If my husband insisted I go to his sister's bridal shower (while he doesn't have to bother), I'd laugh myself hoarse then check if it was still April 1st.

Mrsjayy · 02/04/2023 12:06

Theos · 02/04/2023 11:11

people who don’t drive baffle me

What are you on about ?

PinkiOcelot · 02/04/2023 12:07

toastofthetown · 02/04/2023 11:25

Does the device you’re accessing Mumsnet on not have access to Google?

Show quote history

🙄

gogohmm · 02/04/2023 12:09

Simple, message the bride to be and say that unfortunately your dh is away on business so you would need to bring the kids and dog(s) you completely understand that she doesn't want kids or dogs there so consequently you wish them a great time but you won't be able to come.

gogohmm · 02/04/2023 12:11

Lay on the it's a shame because you would have loved to come if your dh was home ... lay it on thick, make it "his" fault you can't go. Don't mention the transport

RampantIvy · 02/04/2023 12:14

I'm not sure I would want to do a 4 hour round trip just to attend a grabby party bridal shower anyway.

if they get funny about it you need to emphasise that it is your husband's lack of cooperation that makes it impossible for you to attend.

Chowtime · 02/04/2023 12:28

gogohmm · 02/04/2023 12:11

Lay on the it's a shame because you would have loved to come if your dh was home ... lay it on thick, make it "his" fault you can't go. Don't mention the transport

This is brilliant!

Genevieva · 02/04/2023 12:31

When did the normal etiquette of invitations being accepted or declined and then everyone getting on afterwards come to an end?

You can't go. Don't say it is because it is child-free and dog-free. Just send a really nice card saying thank you for the invitation. It was kind to include you and it looks like it will be a lot of fun, but unfortunately you can't come. Have a lovely time and see you soon.

Theos · 02/04/2023 12:32

Genevieva · 02/04/2023 12:31

When did the normal etiquette of invitations being accepted or declined and then everyone getting on afterwards come to an end?

You can't go. Don't say it is because it is child-free and dog-free. Just send a really nice card saying thank you for the invitation. It was kind to include you and it looks like it will be a lot of fun, but unfortunately you can't come. Have a lovely time and see you soon.

This

SmudgeButt · 02/04/2023 12:33

His family - tell him to go to the shower instead.

pinkyredrose · 02/04/2023 12:42

Theos · 02/04/2023 11:11

people who don’t drive baffle me

What a well thought out, helpful comment.

Op, you can't go, you need to look after kids and dogs.

midsomermurderess · 02/04/2023 12:45

PinkiOcelot · 02/04/2023 12:07

🙄

Show quote history

It’s a perfectly reasonable observation. It’s tiresome people wandering Into conversation when they don’t understand the very basics of what they are about and bleating like a bewildered sheep ‘what does it mean, I don’t understand’. Select the text you don’t understand on the device you are using, you will be offered a web search. This is the first answer you will find
https://www.brides.com/story/bridal-shower-etiquette

What Is a Bridal Shower: Planning & Etiquette Advice

Questions about bridal shower etiquette? From who throws a bridal shower to when to send an invite, discover everything you need to know.

https://www.brides.com/story/bridal-shower-etiquette

TenoringBehind · 02/04/2023 12:52

Politely decline. Don’t give it any more thought.

BellaJuno · 02/04/2023 12:53

Goodgirlgonerogue · 02/04/2023 10:21

Been invited to a house party for sister in-laws bridal shower. It’s 2 hours train journey each way (I don’t drive). Also no children or dogs allowed (I have both). DH will be travelling on business so can’t help or drive me. Is it ok if I decline? DH says it will be frowned upon among the family and insulting if I don’t go.

My answer to your DH would be “what do you propose I do with our children and the dog so I can attend?”

ChrisPPancake · 02/04/2023 13:04

If dh doesn't have any solutions then he can keep his opinions to himself! YANBU.

Markasread · 02/04/2023 13:06

Why do we have to have these endless celebratory experiences.

mamabear715 · 02/04/2023 13:10

Posting to say the same as @Markasread
Next I suppose it will be kids, & baby shower, gender reveal etc etc.. brides, NO-ONE is an interested as you are. Give it a bloody miss.

Teatime55 · 02/04/2023 13:12

Personally my answer would be ‘it’s not a thing’ and not go.
is she having a rehearsal dinner as well?