To decline bridal shower invite?

[Goodgirlgonerogue]

Been invited to a house party for sister in-laws bridal shower. It’s 2 hours train journey each way (I don’t drive). Also no children or dogs allowed (I have both). DH will be travelling on business so can’t help or drive me. Is it ok if I decline? DH says it will be frowned upon among the family and insulting if I don’t go.

@thegrain I think I'm actually wrong and some do have both but seriously who has the energy to be so vicious about someone else's choice to have one. I doubt it's the brides idea or being grabby, it's probably her friends wanting to do something nice. I agree OP doesn't have to go but the bitterness on here towards other females makes me so sad

I'm in the US and would never comment how classless a hen do with women being drunk and wearing penis hats is. But we are all different. We have a bridal shower to help the happy couple set up their first home though now many brides may be older and already have a home.

No it’s not. There will be a hen party on top of the bridal shower. A bridal shower is a grabby party where the bride gets ‘showered’ with gifts. There may also be an engagement party on top of the hen and shower. And if someone is the type to want a bridal shower, I’d expect her to want all the others too. I’d be miserable if I had to celebrate my oh’s sisters engagement, hen and bridal shower on top of the actual wedding.

@Aylestone already addressed that

OP, did you just want to discuss bridal showers?

Because otherwise this thread makes no sense.

You've given perfectly valid reasons why you can't go, yet you're asking whether you'd be unreasonable not to go?

of course it’s fine. Phone SIL and say you would have loved to attend but you can’t (don’t have to give a reason!) and you’ll send a gift for her to open on the day. If she expects you to spend 4 hours travelling for a 2 hour event she’s just as much of a twat as your DH. I expect (if she’s a decent person) she didn’t want you to be excluded but in no way expects you to come. Perhaps she did it for the extra gift too.

No I didn’t have a hidden agenda to discuss bridal showers and I haven’t made any comment on my opinion of them. I genuinely wanted to get others opinions on whether or not it was unreasonable to decline the event given my reasons. If it doesn’t make sense to you that’s fine, no need to respond - just scroll on.

I'm going to throw myself a "finished all the ironing" shower if anyone wants to come.

I could do with one of those. When I get round to actually finishing the ironing that is.

I have no idea what a bridal shower is? I've been married twice what have I missed?

You don’t have to actually do the ironing yet. You can have a “planning to do the ironing” shower

I'm assuming it's a hen do, but with fewer blow up penises.

Bridal showers, like baby showers, used to be a way to help young soon-to-be-wed couples or young, first-time parents, by giving them basic things they need to start out. Somehow, they have morphed into something grabby. I am in my 50s and have attended many showers of both types for my peers. I didn’t consider any to be grabby. In my experience, they have never gone hand in hand with an engagement party.

I’m Canadian by the way. I think that they have made their way to the UK after the morphing and no-one knows about their origins.

I have a course I want to attend in a few weeks. Dh will be away (helping a friend move house 6 hours away). I can bring neither children nor dogs. No one who could help out by staying at home with them. It’s only an hour away and I drive. But not possible to go, because small children and dog can’t just fend for themselves alone all day.

It’s ‘correctly’.

MadKittenWoman
Priceless! 😂

The faux naivety on this thread is irritating. I used to watch Dallas, and I know what a bridal shower is.

However, I would like to know from our US posters if wedding gifts are also expected if there has been a bridal shower.

I genuinely wanted to get others opinions on whether or not it was unreasonable to decline the event given my reasons.

These are perfectly valid reasons for not being able to make it @Goodgirlgonerogue . Does your husband think you can manage child and dog care from nowhere?

However, I would like to know from our US posters if wedding gifts are also expected if there has been a bridal shower.

I agree that this is the bit that I don't understand. I understand the bridal shower concept (though personally it sounds like a hen do with all the fun removed and added gifts to buy) - but I don't really understand how the shower presents and wedding presents interact. I think Americans do gifts for both but are they different types of thing?

So it's an American thing?
I've genuinely never heard of it. Virtually all my friends are married.

I don't think it's false naivety in this instance - I know what you mean in that on some threads people always pop up pretending not to know what various american customs are, in some weird cultural superiority way, but usually that's things like proms/baby showers which are now fairly commonplace in the UK, whereas bridal showers really aren't. (yet...?)

I mean yes people could probably guess according to the context roughly what it is, but it's understandable that they wouldn't be entirely sure how important it is, or it's ok to skip, how many people would attend and therefore if one's absence would/n't be noted, whether it's in addition to a hen party or as well as, whether gifts are expected, if it's a formal event or more laid back, whethethere would be drinking/partying, if it would be adults only or if perhaps kids/dogs could come as well, all of which could influence the advice regarding whether to attend or not.

I don't see how 'I used to watch one very specific us tv show that stopped airing about 40 years ago (so ages before the majority of people now getting married for the first time were even born!) and that's the only reason I've heard of this thing' is a particularly good 'gotcha'

You would give gifts for both but the shower gift would be smaller (10-20) or might be more personal (earrings, lingerie, etc). I think the bigger difference is that, where a hen party sounds like it's usually for the bride's friends who are her own age, a bridal shower is for adult close female friends of the bride and groom, and relatives of the family who might be older. My bridal shower included various of my husband's elderly aunts.

Lingerie?
Really? I've never once bought lingerie for a friend or relative.
But then I've never been to a bridal shower.
You live and learn!

Your husband’s elderly aunts bought you lingerie? Gosh.

I think lingerie is not as common of a gift, you have to be pretty close to the bride to give lingerie, especially as the gifts are often opened in front of the guests. My maid of honor gave me lingerie as a way to make me blush in front of all my future husband's elderly aunts 🙄. None of the aunts gave me lingerie, fortunately!

No p3ni$ hats, though; that would be pretty much verboten for a bridal shower.

Shuddering fuck 🤣🤣🤣🤣