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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To decline bridal shower invite?

131 replies

Goodgirlgonerogue · 02/04/2023 10:21

Been invited to a house party for sister in-laws bridal shower. It’s 2 hours train journey each way (I don’t drive). Also no children or dogs allowed (I have both). DH will be travelling on business so can’t help or drive me. Is it ok if I decline? DH says it will be frowned upon among the family and insulting if I don’t go.

OP posts:
Riapia · 02/04/2023 13:29

Don’t suggest to your DH that he alters his schedule.
Do that and they’ll expect to attend the wedding.
They’re in laws not family, no matter what you do they’ll still hate you ( MN law 146b )

determinedtomakethiswork · 02/04/2023 13:53

So what is your husband's suggestion?

Let me guess. He wants one of your female friends to look after the baby and dog?

merryhouse · 02/04/2023 14:08

Markasread · 02/04/2023 13:06

Why do we have to have these endless celebratory experiences.

Because as a society we have become more scattered and widespread, while also having lost many of the ceremonial markers that gave us cohesion. People are trying to create their own moments of commemoration within a continually changing cultural and spiritual landscape.

HTH, HAND.

ThinWomansBrain · 02/04/2023 14:13

if I was going to organise dog and childcare, Id use the time freed up for something I actually wanted to do.

ACynicalDad · 02/04/2023 14:15

Are you close? You may be being invited because you should be not as she particularly wants you.

KittyAlfred · 02/04/2023 14:39

Please tell me a bridal shower is another term for a hen weekend, rather than an additional thing!

don’t go OP. Anyway if your husband is away you’ll surely need to be at home with the kids and dogs?

RichardHeed · 02/04/2023 14:49

Theos · 02/04/2023 11:11

people who don’t drive baffle me

Poor you, you must find life very very difficult if such small, easily comprehensible things baffle you.

MaidOfSteel · 02/04/2023 15:00

Seeing as 'showers' are a recent, naff, grabby import from the US, it can hardly be a long-standing family tradition for it to be frowned upon if you don't go, can it.

You have 2 built-in excuses not to go. And you don't have to apologise for it; just wish the bride to be and her party a lovely time.

diddl · 02/04/2023 15:01

So it's for the bride to be given gifts?

So then no need to take anything to hand over at the wedding?

That seems like a good idea if it's convenient.

Wouldn't travel for 2hrs to do that though.

endoftheworldniteclub · 02/04/2023 15:02

Theos · 02/04/2023 11:11

people who don’t drive baffle me

Your sentence should start with a P and end with a dot. People who can’t write a sentence correct baffle me.

ButterCrackers · 02/04/2023 15:04

Send flowers. Thank her for the invitation but that you can’t be there due to childcare issues

DisforDarkChocolate · 02/04/2023 15:08

If he's so keen to avoid disapproval he can skip his work trip and go instead.

aloris · 02/04/2023 15:26

Bridal showers are very normal in the US, are any of these people from the US? It's basically an opportunity for the close female friends and family of bride and groom to have a party with the bride. Elderly people are welcome. It's usually in the afternoon, in the bride's hometown. There are usually tea and cakes and nibbles. Everyone dresses up. Small wedding-ish gifts are usually given to the bride. G-rated party games may be played. Elderly relatives reminisce about their own weddings. It's not generally seen as grabby unless someone is invited to the bridal shower but not to the wedding.

On the other hand, hen parties do not seem to be a big thing here, the bride might go out drinking with her friends one night but it's not typically a trip where people travel or spend a whole weekend or anything like that.

PonyPatter44 · 02/04/2023 15:31

Bridal showers are a bit naff, but if you would have liked to have gone, send her a card and a nice little gift instead.

Luredbyapomegranate · 02/04/2023 15:32

Sounds like you have to.

WTF is a bridal shower??

Luredbyapomegranate · 02/04/2023 15:32

Have to decline I mean, not have to go.

Just send something as PP says

BackOfTheMum5net · 02/04/2023 15:33

What the shuddering fuck is a bridal shower?

And I work in the wedding industry…

thegrain · 02/04/2023 15:35

BackOfTheMum5net · 02/04/2023 15:33

What the shuddering fuck is a bridal shower?

And I work in the wedding industry…

Use your imagination it's not hard to work out

grayhairdontcare · 02/04/2023 15:37

A bridal shower sounds like some bullshit thing made up by a overly entitled bride to be !

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 02/04/2023 15:38

A bridal shower? Fuck me, any excuse for an extra party and gifts Confused

If it's that bad for you not to, your husband can take the day off and stay at home with the kids. If not, don't go and don't worry about it.

Oakyloaky · 02/04/2023 15:41

ComeTheFuckOnBridgett · 02/04/2023 15:38

A bridal shower? Fuck me, any excuse for an extra party and gifts Confused

If it's that bad for you not to, your husband can take the day off and stay at home with the kids. If not, don't go and don't worry about it.

Agree !

namechangeforthisbleep · 02/04/2023 15:43

It's just a bloody different name for a hen party (which has been around for a long time). Fuck me the misery on this thread is something else and really quite depressing

thegrain · 02/04/2023 15:43

namechangeforthisbleep · 02/04/2023 15:43

It's just a bloody different name for a hen party (which has been around for a long time). Fuck me the misery on this thread is something else and really quite depressing

I agree it's so sneery

strawberry2017 · 02/04/2023 15:45

Politely decline. Anything that's going to take that much sorting out isn't worth attending.

Aylestone · 02/04/2023 15:47

toastofthetown · 02/04/2023 11:25

Does the device you’re accessing Mumsnet on not have access to Google?

Show quote history

Absolutely hate dickhead replied like yours. 99% of questions asked on mn can be solved by asking Google. This is a forum. Why even bother replying?

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