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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I’m 52 and you still ask me

310 replies

ComeOnNumber100 · 02/04/2023 09:58

Lighthearted
Went to visit my parents yesterday and dad asked if I wanted a coffee. I’ve never drunk coffee, I hate coffee, every time I go round and he offers I tell him I don’t like coffee but I’ll have a tea. He’s done it my whole life. AIBU to think it’s not that difficult to remember that your daughter has a cup of tea.
is there something that your parents ask all the time that you have told them repeatedly?
He doesn’t have dementia or anything like that.

OP posts:
BellaJuno · 02/04/2023 13:31

I still get offered cream on every dessert by my parents, despite never liking the stuff and never saying yes!

NeedToChangeName · 02/04/2023 13:34

My mum sends me a reminder email before any family birthday

TrishTrix · 02/04/2023 13:35

Could be worse my Dad used to always inflict my sister’s likes on me as he got confused e.g serving me my own portion of uncooked carrots

sweet he remembered. Shame it was for the wrong child!

Bleachmycloths · 02/04/2023 13:36

Manopadmanaban · 02/04/2023 10:26

Stop complaining about your dad! I wish mine is still alive to ask me for coffee just appreciate what you've got in life.

Show quote history

OP did say “lighthearted”

BunsBunsBuns · 02/04/2023 13:41

For forty years, Mum used to offer me mince pies despite me telling her every single time that I hated them.

Then weirdly at the age of 45, I discovered a taste for them, so we had a couple of years of her offering me the plate, then snatching it away with an apologetic, 'Sorry, love, I keep forgetting you don't like mince pies.'

She died in 2016 and every day I think of some funny little saying or family joke, and they keep her memory closer to me than any photo.

JackiePlace · 02/04/2023 13:43

Yes, my late mum always used to ask me if I wanted tea with my lunch when I was visiting, and I always replied "No thanks, I don't like drinking tea with my meals." Every day she asked!
I didn't mind though. I'd do anything to have lunch and a cup of tea with my Mum today.

JudgeJ · 02/04/2023 13:44

ComeOnNumber100 · 02/04/2023 09:58

Lighthearted
Went to visit my parents yesterday and dad asked if I wanted a coffee. I’ve never drunk coffee, I hate coffee, every time I go round and he offers I tell him I don’t like coffee but I’ll have a tea. He’s done it my whole life. AIBU to think it’s not that difficult to remember that your daughter has a cup of tea.
is there something that your parents ask all the time that you have told them repeatedly?
He doesn’t have dementia or anything like that.

My late Aunt couldn't understand that I hated Babycham, I'd been allowed half a glass when I was about 8 and liked it!
I suppose the corollary is if people assume we never change our preferences then that would be something else to get annoyed about, being taken for granted. When my OH died three years ago my daughters claimed they had never seen me drink tea!

schnubbins · 02/04/2023 13:45

Mine always ask me if I want breakfast .I don't eat breakfast and I haven't eaten it since I left their house in 1985 . I especially do not eat Museli .I hate it Just a milky coffee thank you .Every day even if I am there for two weeks they express surprise that I am not eating anything.I still have to sit at the table though and they will not start their breakfast until I am there.

JudgeJ · 02/04/2023 13:46

Poshjock · 02/04/2023 11:39

It's those familiar routines where you know what's coming next. Infuriating but comforting.

I still can't say or hear said "Durham" without thinking "Pink Panther County" and humming the tune because that's what my dad always did when we passed on holiday. Every time I asked him where we were going on holiday he'd say "Timbuktu" or "Ecclefechan" and I still think of this every time someone asks about holidays or mentions either of those places!

Show quote history

Habit is strange, when I drive through a pretty village called Kimberley all I can hear in my head is Victoria Wood talking about my friend Kimberleeeeeeeeee .

Sodullincomparison · 02/04/2023 13:53

I had severe allergies in my 20s and subsisted on hummus and oatcakes for a little while whilst the doctors figured everything out.

25 years on, whenever I pop over with DD5 we always leave with a pot of hummus she got in, just in case!

every time!

I get the same three things every Christmas: none of which are things I love but DM has it on the Like list and I can’t tell her now can I? worse thing is MIL has taken note of these gifts as has DH and I actually ended up with three of the same this year.

DietrichandDiMaggio · 02/04/2023 13:53

BarrelOfOtters · 02/04/2023 12:10

‘Stop complaining about your dad! I wish mine is still alive to ask me for coffee just appreciate what you've got in life.’

id have to shout like this on every thread where anyone complains about their parents, step children, dogs..we’ve all had loss.

Yes, exactly.

All the women on here complaining about their husband/partner; don't they know some people have been widowed?

LocSeeTan · 02/04/2023 13:54

My mother( NC now) used to buy me clothes several sizes too small for Christmas.
When I thanked her for the hours and asked if I could exchange them for a bigger size she would suggest I go to Weight Watchers.

Workinghardeveryday · 02/04/2023 13:58

LocSeeTan · 02/04/2023 13:54

My mother( NC now) used to buy me clothes several sizes too small for Christmas.
When I thanked her for the hours and asked if I could exchange them for a bigger size she would suggest I go to Weight Watchers.

What the fuck!!!!

I know someone who’s mil got her cellulite cream for Christmas - shocking

ThomasinaLivesHere · 02/04/2023 13:59

My parents are like this with everything. Granted I probably don’t know all their likes and dislikes but as parents you obviously prepare and buy food for your children so you think they’d retain some knowledge. I’ve always disliked donuts but they still bring them when visiting. Granted I don’t remind them I dislike them as it feels rude to but I never eat any. Husband gets mine.

HoppingPavlova · 02/04/2023 14:02

My mum would always offer me a cigarette when she had one. I never smoked.

Waydown · 02/04/2023 14:02

Don't people just say "coffee?" to mean would you like a hot drink?

Barbecuebeans · 02/04/2023 14:21

I fairly recently realised that my son can't stand fish pie. He's 22 😳. I wonder how many times he's humoured me...

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 02/04/2023 14:24

Sodullincomparison · 02/04/2023 13:53

I had severe allergies in my 20s and subsisted on hummus and oatcakes for a little while whilst the doctors figured everything out.

25 years on, whenever I pop over with DD5 we always leave with a pot of hummus she got in, just in case!

every time!

I get the same three things every Christmas: none of which are things I love but DM has it on the Like list and I can’t tell her now can I? worse thing is MIL has taken note of these gifts as has DH and I actually ended up with three of the same this year.

Grin
Diorinthecountry · 02/04/2023 14:32

This is such a lovely thread 💕💐

I've no clue who my dad is and went nc with my narcissistic mum years ago.

Reading this thread has made me realise. Everytime my son and daughter in law are coming to stay. I buy 2 bottles of beer for my son and a bottle of prosecco for dil. Then I ask them would yous like a beer/prosecco?

They don't drink alcohol 😳🤣

HarlanPepper · 02/04/2023 14:34

Rebel2 · 02/04/2023 11:31

Last example "I can't find any pickled red cabbage anywhere"

Dad "hold my beer"

OMG I love this! Such a perfectly Dad thing to do :)

JudgeJ · 02/04/2023 14:35

Barbecuebeans · 02/04/2023 14:21

I fairly recently realised that my son can't stand fish pie. He's 22 😳. I wonder how many times he's humoured me...

But that can work in reverse too. My late MIL was adament that her son, my husband, didn't like any fish other than battered chippy fish. This was because she didn't like it so never bought it therefore he'd never tried it before he was lucky enough to marry me!

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 02/04/2023 14:43

Manopadmanaban · 02/04/2023 10:26

Stop complaining about your dad! I wish mine is still alive to ask me for coffee just appreciate what you've got in life.

Show quote history

Not everything is about you. Maybe just skip the thread if it's going to upset you

WellTidy · 02/04/2023 14:44

My dad always has to check if I take sugar. It’s been 30 years since I’ve had sugar in any hot drink, you’d think I changed my mind on a daily basis.

JudgeJ · 02/04/2023 14:44

GnomeDePlume · 02/04/2023 12:23

DM never remembers that I don't eat egg, sadly they make me unwell and have done since I was a baby. One of my lasting childhood memories is eggy bread for breakfast and going to school looking green.

Even now (I'm in my 50s) she'll say 'I've made an egg and bacon flan (never quiche!), would you like a slice?'

It is a good thing none of us had any serious allergies!

Egg and baconn flan is what they were called before gentrification, a bit like macaroni cheese before it was Americanised into mac'n'cheese.

Dagnabit · 02/04/2023 14:47

When I ask my DH what he wants to drink, if he wants a coffee, he’ll say, decaf coffee, 1 sugar please. 😂😂 Yeah, you’ve been off caffeine for about 4 years, I think I can remember!