AIBU to not go to my friends’ wedding?

[Orangepolentacake]

My friends are having a destination wedding in an European country where one of their parents has a house. The house is practically in the middle of nowhere. Nearest airport is about 2 hours away, plus an hour’s drive or a bus that comes who knows when.

Most guests have young/babies/toddlers children, and so do our friends. One of them has family (same, young children) coming from far away/not in the UK.
They didn’t include childcare
considerations in their wedding plans - after I asked if they had considered some form of cheche at the venue, they looked confused, scrambled and said they’ll arrange some local nanny to look after all the children in the air bnb where some of the family guests are staying.

I don’t really want to go. It’s a hassle to get there, I don’t have anyone to leave my baby with (DS has never been left with anyone - always with us) and am not up for leaving him with some rando he’s never met, away in an air bnb in the middle of nowhere away from the venue. My friends will be very disappointed, they’re kind of unforgiving when it comes to social plans (not going to one of their parties tends to result in some form of sulking/silent treatment) and, whilst we are close friends, I just don’t really want to go. AIBU?

Could you leave the baby at home with your husband whilst you went if it's your friend who's getting married? Would that be an option?

I think it’s the people who expect friends and family to drop everything to attend their weddings abroad who are the unreasonable ones. I wouldn’t go no matter how much it made her sulk.

Oh no sounds a palaver. I'm tired and crotchety just thinking about it.

Sounds like a major nightmare and something you won’t enjoy. You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to so if you don’t want to go then don’t. They’ll get over it.

It’s a ridiculous plan and you obviously shouldn’t go. I wouldn’t be friends with people who sulk in the first place so if they kick off as you anticipate hopefully they’ll be so offended you won’t have to tolerate their childish behaviour in future.

Urgh! I honestly think people who have destination weddings abroad and expect everybody to book holidays and spend thousands of pounds getting there and staying there etc, are the sort of people that I really wouldn't want to be friends with. I'd be giving them a wide berth.

You tell her exactly what you've told us here ... With young babies/young children, it's going to be SO much of a hassle and so expensive to do. That you will buy her a card and a present, and wish her well. But there's no way you're going to be able to go. If she gets stroppy, and arsey, and butthurt, then she's no friend. Good riddance to her.

This

I wanted a destination wedding.

Out of consideration for my guests’ convenience, I instead chose a fairly boring country house wedding within 40 min of London.

I have zero sympathy for couples who choose destination weddings without including children and paying for everyone’s transport.

Anyone that organises a wedding abroad (esp at age when friends have young kids) surely accepts it's a big ask/a lot won't accept? If they don't see this then that's their problem. Do what you want to do.

Are kids not invited? Wasnt clear from your posts (I've had wine so am fine if I need to be corrected 😁)
If they're not, of course you're not being unreasonable if they're expecting you to get there to celebrate them you can't just park the kids somewhere for the duration ffs 😁
Even if they are invited, your friends need to accept that if they are going to have a so called destination wedding, that not everyone is going to be able to come.
Which is why had ours somewhere that meant something and nearby, I wanted as many of my friends and family to make it as possible

Kids are invited but they might as well not be!

Missed the silent sulking bit, fuck that shit, can't be doing with anyone doing that to try and get their own way or emotionally manipulate

"My friends will be very disappointed, they’re kind of unforgiving when it comes to social plans (not going to one of their parties tends to result in some form of sulking/silent treatment)"

What a pair of tossers! Sulking! I just wouldn't go.

YANBU and your friends sound like major douche bags.

So if they're invited, you can go then, not sure why they'd need to provide childcare?
Although after saying that, I can completely understand why you dont want to go, I can remember full well what it's like when they're tiny and it would have felt like torture with mine travelling anywhere further than the next town, never mind another country!
If they're having a wedding far away, they need to realise not everyone will he able to make it.
If they're going to be knobs about it, fuck 'em lol

I can't stand people who organise destination weddings, or want vast crowds of family and friends to celebrate birthdays etc on long weekends or longer breaks abroad. They never take into consideration other people's circumstances, finances, availability, precious annual leave and get incredibly offended if you turn the invitation down or they start emotionally blackmailing you into feeling guilty - 'oh, but it's my birthday/wedding/henpl party and I'd be absolutely distraught if you didnt spend a couple of grand to spend a week in Santorini with me. Oh and dont forget the party I'm having the weekend we get home. Oh and the small intimate meal I'm having for 50 of my closest friends in that gorgeous michelin star restaurant...oh and heres the link to my gift list'.
If I can only afford one holiday a year, I don't want to be dictated where I'm going, when and who with, leaving me with no leave or money left to have my own well earned break.
I understand this is not everyone's attitude and a lot of people love to spend all their holidays with large group of family and friends, it's just not for me, as you can tell by my little rant😳

Why do the bride and groom need to provide childcare at their wedding? Either kids go and join in or they don't go.

I don't understand why they'd have considered childcare if kids are invited. And why would you ask if you'd no intention of leaving your kid with a rando?

If you can take your baby, what’s the problem?

Not sure why you pressured her to provide childcare (the nanny) when you wouldn’t use childcare?

Can you afford it without much stress? If not, it’s an obvious no.

So kids are invited to the wedding and you asked if there was a crèche?

How old is your child? If they’re invited why wouldn’t you take them?

and why ask if they were doing childcare if you wouldn’t use childcare?

If you don’t want to go, that’s fine, but it doesn’t sound like they’re being unreasonable on the childcare front if they’ve invited kids…

If you’re going to get married in the middle of no where then expect people not to come. Stay at home! Send a nice gift :)

Kids are invited but is the wedding finishing at 5pm then? There is no accommodation on the venue/house or nowhere nearby and practically no transport options so, you’d have to drive, really.
So, a dry wedding in the middle of nowhere that ends around 5pm, if that. plus it won’t be long after I come back from mat leave which is financially hard

greeeeeeeat

My baby is old enough that he wants to move and see things and the world and won’t sleep for long in the pram in a loud, stimulating place