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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School run dilemma.

567 replies

whydid · 01/04/2023 19:53

I don't want to drip feed so will try to include everything.

My son has started reception this year at the local school around 5 minutes walk away.
I have a 2.5 year old and I'm pregnant due May 10th!

On the odd time I have took my neighbours son to school with me when she had an emergency or she was feeding her baby.

Yesterday morning she dropped into conversation that they cannot keep affording to send their 12 year old to school via taxi anymore and as he has anxiety he cannot go by bus so will be needing to drive her to school and can I permanently take her younger son to school and in the afternoons pick him up and bring him home with me till 5pm ish as she needs to collect baby from childminder and it's becoming too tight.
(She is stopping after school wrap around care as it is too expensive)

When I mentioned I will be saddled with a newborn next month her response was "well you would still be doing it anyway so what's an extra child" and I just was so shocked I didn't reply and my toddler started crying so I said my goodbyes.

How do I deal with this without making it extremely awkward for the rest of our lives. As these homes are both our "forever homes"

OP posts:
Ursualesther · 05/04/2023 11:23

Sorry I was a bit flustered before because x was crying! I’m sorry but I can’t help with your youngest in that way, I’ve got too much on with my own after school. Hope you manage to get sorted with it

why on earth would you apologise. Twice.

firstly - the op isn’t “sorry” so it’s a lie
secondly - sorry would indicate the op has done something wrong. And she hasn’t.

mustgetoffmn · 05/04/2023 11:59

T1Dmama · 04/04/2023 23:30

Not always. My daughter (12) has recently suffered anxiety. Nothing to do with me as a person and she’s ok at home. Purely anxiety around senior school and being diagnosed with a life changing disease

Show quote history

I used the word "wonder" on purpose. I didn't say definitely . OBVIOUSLY anxiety can be experienced by anyone with an infinite number of causes. But this can include family as a POSSIBILITY. So if someone was saying their child is anxious I wouldn't just say or think that it's Mum's fault.

My post is in the context of the thread! With the mother's quotes given by OP. "Wondering" about the effect of the woman's general attitude on her child. That's all.

mustgetoffmn · 05/04/2023 12:06

Ursualesther · 05/04/2023 11:23

Sorry I was a bit flustered before because x was crying! I’m sorry but I can’t help with your youngest in that way, I’ve got too much on with my own after school. Hope you manage to get sorted with it

why on earth would you apologise. Twice.

firstly - the op isn’t “sorry” so it’s a lie
secondly - sorry would indicate the op has done something wrong. And she hasn’t.

To soften the effect. The OP states concern about this being a neighbour and school contact and feels wary of provoking too much adversary. The children may well grow to hang out regardless of parents. It's not apologetic, a bit like saying "with respect" which in many sentences is meant sarcastically. Also a lot of people don't like the personal feeling they will have after harshly saying it how it is.

MamaBearBoo · 05/04/2023 12:11

She probably thought you'd agree coz she has had you taking her kid to to school coz 'she was feeding the baby'! My youngest was born the month after my eldest started reception yes the baby needs feeding but I had to do the school run as well anyway!

WineorAppleCrumble · 05/04/2023 12:13

The OP replied to her neighbour on Sunday night!

Do people not read updates? I'm surprised by the number who are still giving her advice on what to say.

Frozendaquiri · 05/04/2023 13:24

WineorAppleCrumble · 05/04/2023 12:13

The OP replied to her neighbour on Sunday night!

Do people not read updates? I'm surprised by the number who are still giving her advice on what to say.

I've been thinking the same

letsmakepopcorn · 05/04/2023 13:26

But the op lives next door to the cf so there will be more encounters

WineorAppleCrumble · 05/04/2023 16:17

True, and some people are giving general advice about that @letsmakepopcorn, but others are still giving suggestions on how OP should reply to the original request.

Inks42 · 05/04/2023 16:18

Am I the only one that thinks the ‘taxi’ CF now can’t afford may have been another parent roped in to do a favour taking CFs 12 year old to and from school?
The other parent may have had enough and decided they can still do the afternoon but not the morning.

dcthatsme · 05/04/2023 16:42

If you feel comfortable about your child being picked up by the neighbour, why don't you ask her if you can share the lifts 50/50? I think that is a massive imposition to expect you to do it all. When my sons were in primary school we used to share the runs with other families nearby. No way should you have to do it all. What a cheek!! Good luck xxxxx

Ktime · 05/04/2023 16:47

dcthatsme · 05/04/2023 16:42

If you feel comfortable about your child being picked up by the neighbour, why don't you ask her if you can share the lifts 50/50? I think that is a massive imposition to expect you to do it all. When my sons were in primary school we used to share the runs with other families nearby. No way should you have to do it all. What a cheek!! Good luck xxxxx

No way should you have to do it at all.

Fixed that for you.

OP has already told the CF no, offering a 50/50 arrangement to a CF is madness, she will
take the piss and always have a reason for why she can’t do it that day/week.

EL8888 · 05/04/2023 16:50

@Inks42 good point. We properly need to get into the CF mindset and that doesn’t match too well with paying for a taxi. I think your instinct is correct and it’s someone else they’ve roped in

horrifiedm · 05/04/2023 18:02

dcthatsme · 05/04/2023 16:42

If you feel comfortable about your child being picked up by the neighbour, why don't you ask her if you can share the lifts 50/50? I think that is a massive imposition to expect you to do it all. When my sons were in primary school we used to share the runs with other families nearby. No way should you have to do it all. What a cheek!! Good luck xxxxx

There won't be a time where she could help me out as her work doesn't finish till 4.30pm. The other neighbour told me today that she finishes work at 4.30pm then has to pick up the youngest from daycare and won't get home with traffic till possibly 5-5.30pm. She was just as shocked as me as my neighbour has been bitching about me to her.

It's such a shame because I do feel she became my friend on the guise of foreseeing this situation. She finishes her maternity next week that's why she's sprang it upon me now!

Irritatedmum · 05/04/2023 23:06

horrifiedm · 05/04/2023 18:02

There won't be a time where she could help me out as her work doesn't finish till 4.30pm. The other neighbour told me today that she finishes work at 4.30pm then has to pick up the youngest from daycare and won't get home with traffic till possibly 5-5.30pm. She was just as shocked as me as my neighbour has been bitching about me to her.

It's such a shame because I do feel she became my friend on the guise of foreseeing this situation. She finishes her maternity next week that's why she's sprang it upon me now!

Show quote history

Name change fail?

Shinyandnew1 · 05/04/2023 23:25

horrifiedm · 05/04/2023 18:02

There won't be a time where she could help me out as her work doesn't finish till 4.30pm. The other neighbour told me today that she finishes work at 4.30pm then has to pick up the youngest from daycare and won't get home with traffic till possibly 5-5.30pm. She was just as shocked as me as my neighbour has been bitching about me to her.

It's such a shame because I do feel she became my friend on the guise of foreseeing this situation. She finishes her maternity next week that's why she's sprang it upon me now!

Show quote history

Are you the OP, @horrifiedm ?

If she doesn’t finish work till 4.30, how is her 12 year old (who is too nervous to get a bus and who they don’t want to pay for a taxi for) going to get home from school?

horrifiedm · 05/04/2023 23:32

Yes I'm the OP. I forgot I name changed! Grin

That's what I'm trying to work out but I don't fancy asking Grin

Phoebo · 06/04/2023 00:40

horrifiedm · 05/04/2023 18:02

There won't be a time where she could help me out as her work doesn't finish till 4.30pm. The other neighbour told me today that she finishes work at 4.30pm then has to pick up the youngest from daycare and won't get home with traffic till possibly 5-5.30pm. She was just as shocked as me as my neighbour has been bitching about me to her.

It's such a shame because I do feel she became my friend on the guise of foreseeing this situation. She finishes her maternity next week that's why she's sprang it upon me now!

Show quote history

This person is a CF. You are best not to have anything to do with her. She's someone if you give an inch, she'll take a mile; and if she does the tiniest favour for you she'll expect the world. Avoid!!

LoisLane66 · 06/04/2023 09:42

I'm flabbergasted at the cheek of her. I really REALLY can't imagine any sane person asking you to take on her duties as a mother.
As an aside, suppose you were doing stuff right after school. Would you be expected to take her kid as well?.
NO, neighbour or not, you have to make it clear. Whatever you're doing, helping out with free lifts and childcare is OUT.

LoisLane66 · 06/04/2023 09:45

I would also pick her up on her bitching about you to other neighbours. Are you not allowed to say NO to her, politely, of course. She'll just have to ask someone else. Please...don't give in.

pictoosh · 06/04/2023 09:47

"It's such a shame because I do feel she became my friend on the guise of foreseeing this situation. She finishes her maternity next week that's why she's sprang it upon me now!"

Yep and she sure as hell didn't expect you to say no. That's really put a spanner in her works.
Fuck! What now?? And on such short notice too.

Lalalalaa

Peggysattic · 06/04/2023 09:53

The absolute neck of this woman!! You said no and that’s it. To argue back with you about your decision is really, extremely rude. Don’t give it another thought.

LoisLane66 · 06/04/2023 09:55

@Eatentoomanyroses
Be careful who you slag off. I'm from Liverpool and don't take kindly to reading slurs about my hometown and the population who live there.
I'm not the kind of person who you typify in that particular comment, nor is that attitude prevalent in the majority of people in my hometown.
There are cheeky people in every town and every country but to tar them all with the same brush is wrong.
I suggest you ask for that comment to be removed before I do.
Thank you.

Elly46 · 06/04/2023 10:00

Actually go snakes at her cheek. As som others said message her and say no. You have commitments of your own and a newborn and absolutely cannot commit to that level of childcare just like that. Even if you didn’t have any commitments still well within ypur right to just say no!

Elly46 · 06/04/2023 10:01

Meant to say gobsmacked not go snake!!

Elly46 · 06/04/2023 10:05

Text her no and I wouldn’t even worry about her reply once you’ve told her. Do something nice for yourself and try not to worry. She’s the cheeky one putting that on you it’s not your concern or worry love x