School run dilemma.

[whydid]

I don't want to drip feed so will try to include everything.

My son has started reception this year at the local school around 5 minutes walk away.
I have a 2.5 year old and I'm pregnant due May 10th!

On the odd time I have took my neighbours son to school with me when she had an emergency or she was feeding her baby.

Yesterday morning she dropped into conversation that they cannot keep affording to send their 12 year old to school via taxi anymore and as he has anxiety he cannot go by bus so will be needing to drive her to school and can I permanently take her younger son to school and in the afternoons pick him up and bring him home with me till 5pm ish as she needs to collect baby from childminder and it's becoming too tight.
(She is stopping after school wrap around care as it is too expensive)

When I mentioned I will be saddled with a newborn next month her response was "well you would still be doing it anyway so what's an extra child" and I just was so shocked I didn't reply and my toddler started crying so I said my goodbyes.

How do I deal with this without making it extremely awkward for the rest of our lives. As these homes are both our "forever homes"

She sounds very hostile and greedy not remotely hospitable so not sure what brand of Northern hospitality she's selling. Well done for standing up for yourselves, these gobshites take as much as people give then take a bit more.

She’s totally out of order. Just ignore her and any of her flying monkeys. You don’t need that in your life. Cut her out and be glad you had a lucky escape.

Absolute cheeky fucking bitch, cannot believe her cheek

as dh is self employed his jobs are important

In other words, the kids' father doesn't seem to viewing parenting his own children as part of his role after supplying half the DNA.

Hardly your fault - or problem. You aren't on this earth to facilitate a lazy arse sperm donor or her poor choice in breeding partner.

Northern hospitality? I’m more ‘northern’ than her in Newcastle, get on great with our neighbours (we’ve just been to their wedding) and I wouldn’t dream of asking them, nor anyone, to take on that much of our childcare. It’s downright rude and entitled. How on earth she thinks her lack of childcare should be your problem is beyond me. I think your life would be far better without her as a ‘friend’

Yes I think this good too. Polite friendly but firm!

Woah! CF!
we had a situation where neighbours suggested we help each other out if needed as DC in same class at school. They helped out when DH both had Covid, picking DC up/dropping home. However we started getting asked to take their DC once or twice every week.
we wouldn’t have minded, but the Mum is a SAHM and they employ of a nanny/home help as they have 2 younger ones. DH and I both work. The final straw came when we saw the Mum walk past our house on her own with a coffee after they’d asked us to do the school run! Meaning we’d taken one of her DC to school whilst the Nanny had the others. Not what we signed up for!

Quite honestly, apart from the ridiculous behaviour of this neighbour, there is really an issue of responsibility. Of course we've all looked after friends 'children sometimes, but with a regular set up, it starts to call into a question of safeguarding especially with so many children of different ages. Anyway Im sorry you have this unpleasant situation but you are going to have to distance yourself. It's her fault not yours. She seems to view neighbours and friends as unpaid staff. If this is Northern who needs it?

Can't help wondering about the anxiety experienced by her child. I know its a bit improper of me but, with a mother out of control in that way........?

Wow…”and keep him till 5” …and then you’ll end up feeding him after school
so out of pocket AND providing a free service …and if your son doesn’t go one day, she’ll still expect you to take your poorly son, your other child and new baby so that her son can still go to school …you can just see how she’ll use you !!

If her son has anxiety and can’t bus, maybe she can look into funding for the taxis? She needs to contact the school or local authority and push for support..
How does collecting him from school prevent her from looking after her 5 year old until 5pm though??
I’d text, as others have said and simply say you’re really sorry but you simply can’t cope with the responsibility of an extra child. Goodness I can’t believe someone would even ask someone in your position (2 under 3 & a 5 year old) to look after their child. It’s really rather cheeky!! And not even just the school run either but having to have her child at yours after school too… which probably means feeding them and tidying up after them.

Wow she's rude.

Let her ignore you, sounds like it would have been a one sided relationship anyway! So you probably dodged a bullet.

Exactly. Anxious parents usually means anxious children

For ages I thought CF meant 'cunt face' and the mumsnet crowd was a bit harsh. But sometimes it fits 🤣

hilarious. Love it

Not always. My daughter (12) has recently suffered anxiety. Nothing to do with me as a person and she’s ok at home. Purely anxiety around senior school and being diagnosed with a life changing disease

She’s being brazen. She seems thick skinned. Be brave and tell her you won’t be able to help. She’ll have to accept it and is trying to walk all over you. CF

⬆️⬆️ This- you don't need to give her a reason. Just be blunt and don't give in at all.

This is a perfect response to a cheeky ask!

You sound like me OP, I explain myself a lot and say sorry when I’ve not done anything wrong. It’s just us being kind but then people take advantage don’t they. I would just message what someone say as she is being cheeky and you have your own children to look after.

I'm so angry on your behalf! How dare she!
Honestly I think she has done you a favour because now she can't rely on you for "emergencies". She has shown her true colours.

Set your boundaries, once she calms down and realises she is in the wrong she'll come creeping back to ask if you can do occasional childcare again. And this is a great time to say no! "No it's just too much with my three". No apologies.

And I'm sure your neighbours see her for exactly the kind of person she is too.

Same area.

Same opinion.

I have lovely neighbours - always have. Any onus would do anything for each other in an emergency (even for someone we personally didn't like, or who had caused problems, because emergencies are emergencies, and we are all human beings).

But we don't make use of each other, or abuse the situation. That's how we stay on good terms.

*one of us

You won't be 'saddled with a newborn' tho!! You'll be too busy with your precious new baby!! I'm always surprised at the utter cheek of people on here tho..... every time. Good luck with your new addition, and with telling CF to do one!!

This is not a favour - free childcare 5 days a week when you are about to have your own newborn. This women is a p* taker of the highest order. Well done OP for standing up for yourself it will be the school runs and after school then can you feed him and it wouldn’t surprise me if she then starts asking for sleepovers.

Don't say 'sorry'.

Aside from which, Entitled Mum is becoming a bit of a trope on this site ...