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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

School run dilemma.

567 replies

whydid · 01/04/2023 19:53

I don't want to drip feed so will try to include everything.

My son has started reception this year at the local school around 5 minutes walk away.
I have a 2.5 year old and I'm pregnant due May 10th!

On the odd time I have took my neighbours son to school with me when she had an emergency or she was feeding her baby.

Yesterday morning she dropped into conversation that they cannot keep affording to send their 12 year old to school via taxi anymore and as he has anxiety he cannot go by bus so will be needing to drive her to school and can I permanently take her younger son to school and in the afternoons pick him up and bring him home with me till 5pm ish as she needs to collect baby from childminder and it's becoming too tight.
(She is stopping after school wrap around care as it is too expensive)

When I mentioned I will be saddled with a newborn next month her response was "well you would still be doing it anyway so what's an extra child" and I just was so shocked I didn't reply and my toddler started crying so I said my goodbyes.

How do I deal with this without making it extremely awkward for the rest of our lives. As these homes are both our "forever homes"

OP posts:
QuintanaRoo · 04/04/2023 18:46

Of course taking him to school will be an issue for the OP. I doubt the cheeky fucker will just want OP to collect him as she passes. Cheeky fucker will be dropping kid off way before.

So three small kids to look after, get shoes and coats on , etc. cheeky fucker will have left beforehand to take older kid to school. No way would I be doing that.

Emotionalsupportviper · 04/04/2023 18:47

whydid · 03/04/2023 13:32

She needs to drop her soon to be toddler off at daycare and drop the eldest off at high school. Leaving me to take the middle child. Then after school, her eldest is some how magically going to appear at my house around 4pm and I'll have eldest and middle until they come home.

I have mentioned I have activities for my 5 year old and she knows I have to take them some days at 4pm but they simply didn't care.

She ignored me today outside.

Show quote history

Then after school, her eldest is some how magically going to appear at my house around 4pm and I'll have eldest and middle until they come home.

So her oldest can get home on public transport but can't get to school on public transport?

Or have I misunderstood?

TheHoodedPaw · 04/04/2023 18:51

Gilld69 · 04/04/2023 18:23

how about saying I'll take the 12 year old and you can take all the kids 😉

🤣

HanSB · 04/04/2023 18:53

Good for standing up for yourself! Just ignore her from now onwards, she doesn’t sound like a nice person to spend your thoughts and time on. Just wanted a useful skivvy next door to her to boss around

niugboo · 04/04/2023 19:01

Oh get rid of her. She’s a leech.

menopausalbloat · 04/04/2023 19:05

Stick to your guns girl.
She sounds like a massive twat and if this is your forever home, it's time to cut ties unless you want to be saddled with a massive twat forever?

menopausalbloat · 04/04/2023 19:05

Stick to your guns girl.
She sounds like a massive twat and if this is your forever home, it's time to cut ties unless you want to be saddled with a massive twat forever?

Madamum18 · 04/04/2023 19:07

Never mind passive aggressive scouser excuses. Load of rubbish. She is expecting free child care plus pick up. Even after you have just had a new born! I find this completely astounding! Apart from anything else you want to spend time with your children not hers and they will all need your time and attention.

Well done for sticking to your guns. This is totally her problem not yours. She is a leech, user and entitled and seriously not a nice person. If she flags you off to others and someone says something you are entitled to tell them quite openly what she was expecting and why you said No!! Vast majority of people would be astounded at her cheek!

wentworthinmate · 04/04/2023 19:11

Have read all of OP’s posts and a few others.

I just wonder why people don’t think of all these issues before having another child. It doesn’t take much maths to work out that one will need to be at A when another will need to be at B when they get older.

RachaelBUk1 · 04/04/2023 19:13

Shes a first class CF and what shes going to do next is get into the other neighbour, tell her how you won't help her out and try to get the other neighbour to do it lol

Best thing you've done , hopefully you won't have to mix with her any more and she cant ask for anything else

She would have definitely upped her game once she'd got you in a nice routine and added time on and weekends

Cheeky get, well done for sticking up for yourself I know its hard but you've dodged a bullet ❤

oosha · 04/04/2023 19:20

She is a cheeky fuckers and needs a firm no. I would stop explaining and getting into detail and keep to the same response…..a firm polite ‘no, you will need to make other arrangements as I will not be looking after/taking your child’

Tig3rlilly · 04/04/2023 19:24

I totally get this, the people pleasing and being unable to hold boundaries does run deep, that's something you can work and build on over time!

For now, as you said its your forever home, she will continue to take advantage for the years to come. And she lives on the street with many other people who would tell her to do one in the same instance!

I know you'll probs feel awkward when you see her (after politely declining) but that will pass. What won't pass as quickly is the resentment you'd have towards her and the stress you'd get from taking it on. You've certainly got alot on your plate lovely. Good luck xxx

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 04/04/2023 19:30

Well done for standing your ground.

(I bet your neighbours think she's a cheeky bitch too). She'll be asking them next, anyway.

If her child can't manage to catch a bus, she needs to sort that out, but's not your worry.

sunglassesonthetable · 04/04/2023 19:34

She'll definitely be asking your other neighbour for favours next.

MadMadaMim · 04/04/2023 19:37

I would have said that I was happy to drop him off with mine in the mornings (it's not actually adding to your morning run if it's only 5 mins away) but could only do pick up until 26 April in case baby comes early so she should sort pick up from that date.

I would have maybe also said that you'd pick her child up once a week if it would help (play date may help you - entertainment for your reception child)... But only if that would work for you

And I would have said that, of course, in emergencies only, you would help out when you could.

However...

As she was such a CF bitching about you, I would send the following

"Hi x

I had a rethink about the school runs and was going to suggest:

  • I could do the morning drop offs
  • I could pick up too until 26 April - after that you'd have to sort something out
  • I could pick up your DC once a week and have them until 5pm, if that helps.
  • in emergencies, I could help when I can

I was going to suggest all that, however after coming home to hear you bad mouthing me, I've decided not.

The northern attributes you seem so preoccupied with - you don't have a single one of them.

And mumsnet says you're a CF. "

Kennykenkencat · 04/04/2023 19:56

I was born in the Northern and lived my childhood and early adult hood around displays of this Northern Hospitality.

Whilst everyone thinks northerners are this friendly bunch of people I never fitted in as my take on the Northern Hospitality is to either get all the information you can off someone in the guise of being friendly then use it against them or stab them in the back
Or they are friendly because at some point they will want something off you.

browneyes77 · 04/04/2023 19:56

RichardHeed · 03/04/2023 21:53

When I came home earlier she was loudly saying to her neighbour on the right passive aggressively "some people don't understand northern hospitality and stick to their own ways, some people shouldn't move to terraced properties if they don't want neighbours"

You should say loudly “and some people shouldn’t become parents if they can’t be arsed looking after their kids”

Cheeky cunt.

That was the exact response that came straight out of my mouth when I read what that CF was saying to the other neighbour 🤣

piefacedClique · 04/04/2023 20:13

Definitely send what @MadMadaMim wrote. Genius!

Moxysright · 04/04/2023 20:15

Just tell her you can’t commit to it as you have three of your own to look after. You sympathise completely but it’s a no. You’re gonna have to be firm on this because she sounds like she has a brass neck!

Shitsandwiches · 04/04/2023 20:32

Look at it positively OP - she's done you a huge favour with taming your people-pleasing/boundary issues that have often held you back. I'm speaking from experience. Sometimes, the demands of others are just such a clear and decisive NO for us and that saying YES to it would be unthinkable - that the old people pleasing patterns go out the window.
I went through it earlier this year myself when my mum died and my dad thought he could just move in with me (and my 2 girls) we live in a 2 bed flat, he's an alcoholic - it was such a clear NO and I definitely was triggered by standing up to him, and he bad mouthed me to some family members, but hey - I don't care, there was no way I was changing my whole life and permanently putting myself & the girls out, having him taking over, and he would not have been grateful. It would have been a nightmare.
Same here for you - pay it no more mind. It's going to be a bit triggering saying no, but you've done it and your life will be SOO much better without her in it. She's irrelevant and pathetic.

Teatime55 · 04/04/2023 20:42

Good she exposed herself as a childcare CF, wait until the school holidays.

I had a primary mum who was always trying to dump her DD on me by ringing at 2.55pm to say she was ‘stuck in town’. She didn’t work, she just wanted to go shopping all the time.
She didn’t know I had increased my hours though and DD was going to the childminder. So she then started trying to get the childminder to take her for free as it was basically a ‘play date ’. CFs everywhere l….

ilovesushi · 04/04/2023 20:53

@Eas1lyd1stracted Had to finally look up meaning of CF. I thought the same as you for C but worse for F. I am a little disappointed that it just means cheeky fucker.

Emma2023 · 04/04/2023 21:02

Tinkerbyebye · 01/04/2023 20:00

Just say no. Dear xxx have been thinking, sorry I can’t help, I will have my own children and a new born to sort and I simply can’t do it all, I am sure you understand

end of

Ooh that’s a good one, the “I’m sure you understand” bit at the end is perfect 😊

Eas1lyd1stracted · 04/04/2023 21:05

ilovesushi · 04/04/2023 20:53

@Eas1lyd1stracted Had to finally look up meaning of CF. I thought the same as you for C but worse for F. I am a little disappointed that it just means cheeky fucker.

🤣 I feel a bit better about my guess now 🤣

Soerdu · 04/04/2023 21:07

That woman is not your friend.
That woman is not ok.
It would be best to get her into the neighbour that gets a polite wave box as soon as possible.

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