To think my friends aren’t coming?

[UnluckyCoil]

Arranged earlier in the week for a catch up round mine which is a rarity as my DH is away- both friends agreed to come.
This morning at 9am, put a message in the group chat asking what time they were coming so I can make sure my house is tidy, make sure baby is asleep etc and neither have them have replied or even opened the message.
They are the kind of people who have theirs phones with them 24/7 so can’t imagine they’ve not looked at their phones for 8hrs.
I don’t mind but I guess I just want to know either way.. and I’ve bought drinks and snacks. I’d feel embarrassed to put a chase message in the group chat.
They aren’t coming are they?

Wdym?

Never mind the "is it ok to call someone" current trend.

There seems to be a current trend that if you are someone's "friend" it's ok to ignore them, promise to do something and then not bother, not respond to messages and generally let them down.

I'm old ... but I liked the way friends used to be. If I invited a friend round they would turn up, they would let me know when they were arriving, they would warn me well in advance if something came up that would cause an issue, and if, for some reason they really couldn't face it on the night for no particular reason, they would ring up and apologise profusely and make it up in triplicate.

The people OP knows I would categorise as random acquaintances.

@CambsAlways https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/4775435-mumsnet-norms-that-annoy-you-most?page=1

Here is the thread - people get annoyed because frequently you get threads like “oh dh didn’t turn up to give me a lift and has said lots of nasty things recently” and people will try and give him a medical reason for his behaviour. It’s on so many threads it’s ridiculous. Nothing to do with dementia specifically.

Please get off your moral high horse; I have cared for 6 family members into old age, including my mother who to be fair was not old at all. I too have wiped the shitty bums, cleaned up the urine, fed them with sippy cups, tried to stop them from doing harm to themselves, gone through the bureaucracy of getting a care plan, and watched family members deteriorate to the point where they cannot hold a conversation and are confused and frightened with little quality of life due to dementia and brain related problems.

I would never joke about it. I was laughing about MN norms.

Get some bereavement counselling if you haven’t already it might help you to come to terms with these very tough experiences. All the best.

For your information I don’t need bereavement counselling thanks. I’m not on a moral high horse, jeez!

@ginasevern wow that was horrible of your friend. Is she still actually a friend?

@Robinni you're sounding really tone deaf here.

You may have been 'laughing about MN norms' but not every single person here reads every single thread.

So the comment you made was a stand-alone one and shouldn't really have been made outside of the other thread, because it's bound to upset people like @CambsAlways and others in her position.

@MrsDoylesDoily

I did not make the comment. I replied with a few laughing emojis as I knew what the poster was on about. Please read the thread and my response.

I am in the exact position as @CambsAlways, and have been through it multiple times in fact, so I would not joke about dementia. And amazingly when people make comments I am able to dissociate them from my personal experiences.

Regardless if people aren’t aware of the most high traffic threads - I have linked it to explain the matter.

Robinni didn’t make the comment; I did. I’ve already explained the joke upthread. I hadn’t read the other thread: it’s a standard Mumsnet joke and to me it’s fair to make Mumsnet-specific jokes on ::checks URL:: Mumsnet.

I hope you are ok today, OP.

Very upsetting when people do this, I've lost much respect for 'friends' who've done similar.

Please do something nice for you today x

@bussteward I've lost 2 family members to dementia in the last 6 months (still feels unreal when i put it like that. Not sure I'll ever get used to it, or want to) and I got the joke & found it funny. Maybe I spend too much time on MN though

@bussteward agree I was not offended at all and found the joke funny, not upset at all.

What I did find upsetting was @CambsAlways shaming me for having a soh and then dragging up painful memories as I had to defend myself. Thanks for that 🙄.

Sorry for your loss @bussteward hard when it’s so fresh. Clearly a very sensitive topic. Take care all x

Thank you MrsDoylesDoily I actually wasn’t aware of this thread. I’m of the old school and when I saw laughing emojis I was puzzled as to wonder what was funny! I too have looked after loved ones just like Robinni has and wiped their bums I won’t say shitty bums I’ve had too much respect for them and for anyone that through illness or disability is not able to do this for themselves, there are some people that can dissociate from personal experiences like Robinni obviously can! I wish her well no hard feelings on my part ! I do not need counselling.
I’m fine!

We’re never going to find out if they turned up are we?

I am really sorry OP - that’s really shitty of them to not even reply. What is wrong with people - seriously !?!? To not even respond and to not have the moral backbone to honour an arrangement.
Im sending you love and hugs xxx
similar situation happened to me recently from 2 friends who are def not young ( not that that is an excuse but you know ) and who I really expected more of. I’ve known them both for years!!
it happened weeks ago and I’m still waiting for a reply which I guess is never happening now 🙄

Apologies @Robinni

@bussteward it’s a standard Mumsnet joke and to me it’s fair to make Mumsnet-specific jokes on ::checks URL:: Mumsnet.

Then we'll have to agree to disagree.

It's upset at least one poster and may well have upset others who believe that it's not a laughing matter in any context.

@CambsAlways yeah the 'counselling' comment was really shit to be fair.

Wtfisthis1 Thanks for your message. This was many years ago and I pretty much stopped seeing her not long after.

euff Thanks for your kind words too. No, she didn't remain a friend.

I think they did and the op was embarrassed about all the unnecessary drama she created on here

@CambsAlways beg to differ - if you are coming on social media, taking offence at a minor joke and making everything about your trauma as if you are the only one who has been through it, immediately presuming that no one could possibly understand how dreadful it is - and being very wrong in that. Then you probably need some help with processing your trauma.

Apologies if you are offended by the word shitty, I’m guessing you are a few decades north of me age wise so perhaps there are generational differences in what terms are deemed appropriate.

Please DO NOT say that I do not have respect for my relatives (multiple) that I cared for 24/7, while being a young mother and studying! You are being incredibly hurtful there. And I prefer to try and dissociate from trauma and not carry it around like some sort of giant heavy bag on my back unloading into everything, so I can be present for my DC, work and try and enjoy life again.

There is no need to be mean and cast aspersions on the quality of other peoples personal relationships. And somehow place yourself as some sort of holier than thou “best” most respectful carer. My god.

I really hope they turned up OP and we're just crap at messaging. Still a bit rude to leave you hanging.
If they didn't... they rubbish friends.

I watched a fascinating documentary about how we’ve forgotten to communicate and how social media is to blame. Even the original starters of Facebook are saying they’ve built something really wrong and bad.

I've been saying this for years.

I've worked with teens for decades and they really cannot manage having any kind of conversation when the speaker says something they don't like. Because F2F they have to respond. Whereas DM/text allows them to a) ignore any communication they don't want to face and b) hide behind a keyboard for confidence if they want to challenge someone.

But the OPs friends are rude if they've ignored the text. I don't think the OP should then ring and risk being ignored.

OP join a group for a hobby you enjoy and make friends with people who deserve you in their life.

So, did they come round?

It's a bit meta that OP's friends left her hanging and now she's done the same to everyone who responded...

Yes, that's true