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Original poster

To think my friends aren’t coming?

549 replies

UnluckyCoil · 01/04/2023 17:16

Arranged earlier in the week for a catch up round mine which is a rarity as my DH is away- both friends agreed to come.
This morning at 9am, put a message in the group chat asking what time they were coming so I can make sure my house is tidy, make sure baby is asleep etc and neither have them have replied or even opened the message.
They are the kind of people who have theirs phones with them 24/7 so can’t imagine they’ve not looked at their phones for 8hrs.
I don’t mind but I guess I just want to know either way.. and I’ve bought drinks and snacks. I’d feel embarrassed to put a chase message in the group chat.
They aren’t coming are they?

OP posts:
WestMauling · 02/04/2023 10:16

OP I agree it's very rude of them and sympathise with you.

katepilar · 02/04/2023 10:36

Hoolihan · 01/04/2023 18:37

Why do people on these threads always bang on about phoning? If her friends haven't read the message she's sent what makes you think they're going to answer the phone? I really don't get that.

OP I hope they turn up but it sounds like they're not going to tbh...

Well, for most people its different to get a text and a phonecall. In terms of hearing it ring. People are more likely to notice a call than a message and more likely to actually answer it.

ThefourseasonsFrankie · 02/04/2023 10:38

Any updates OP?

bussteward · 02/04/2023 10:41

Perhaps they have dementia.

BeavisMcTavish · 02/04/2023 10:44

Or perhaps another thread which we can file in the waste of time because it didn’t happen bin. There would be an update last night saying they hadn’t come, or one this morning saying they did.

coodawoodashooda · 02/04/2023 10:47

PeonyRose80 · 02/04/2023 07:47

I really hope they turned up, just a little later than you mentioned with a bottle of wine and apology.

I hope so too.

SittingNextToIt · 02/04/2023 10:50

BeavisMcTavish · 02/04/2023 10:44

Or perhaps another thread which we can file in the waste of time because it didn’t happen bin. There would be an update last night saying they hadn’t come, or one this morning saying they did.

I think this type of thread is created for a reason. I knew it from the get go.

lap90 · 02/04/2023 10:53

That's really poor of them if they had agreed to come and couldn't communicate otherwise.

Hoolihan · 02/04/2023 10:59

katepilar · 02/04/2023 10:36

Well, for most people its different to get a text and a phonecall. In terms of hearing it ring. People are more likely to notice a call than a message and more likely to actually answer it.

Show quote history

You're missing the point. The friends hadn't 'missed' the message, they had deliberately chosen not to open it.

Robinni · 02/04/2023 11:00

bussteward · 02/04/2023 10:41

Perhaps they have dementia.

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

Whenharrymetsmelly · 02/04/2023 11:01

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 02/04/2023 09:46

It’s not a stupid comment at all. You’ve completely invented this notion that I’ve said “They might not answer, so don’t try”. I haven’t said that or anything like it. You’ve managed to quote the post - surely it wouldn’t have been that hard to read it?

The point I’m making is that you and the other “FFS just call!” posters are making a call sound like a silver bullet. The poster I responded to actually said “It would instantly solve the problem”. Well it solves nothing if they don’t answer - and given that they ignored OP’s messages, why do you think they will suddenly spring into action if she calls? They won’t be somehow compelled to answer because it’s a call rather than a text. It’s a telephone, not a Jedi mind control device.

Show quote history

That was how I interpreted the post, so I apologise. My point is both parties are displaying such passive and immature behaviour. Given OP has organised this event, she should make the effort to follow up, OP is being equally passive with texting and just waiting around (assuming this whole thing is even true given there has been no update). It really does baffle me how a grown adult is incapable of calling their own friend

Nocutenamesleft · 02/04/2023 11:34

Daftasyoulike · 01/04/2023 17:33

I almost had an argument with my DD about this recently, I'm really beginning to think that people have forgotten how to talk to each other. If someone misses a text or message, just call them, it's called COMMUNICATION ffs!

I watched a fascinating documentary about how we’ve forgotten to communicate and how social media is to blame. Even the original starters of Facebook are saying they’ve built something really wrong and bad.

butterfliedtwo · 02/04/2023 11:36

Nocutenamesleft · 02/04/2023 11:34

I watched a fascinating documentary about how we’ve forgotten to communicate and how social media is to blame. Even the original starters of Facebook are saying they’ve built something really wrong and bad.

Show quote history

Sounds interesting. Do you remember the name of the documentary, please?

Noodlehen · 02/04/2023 11:36

What happened OP?

MMMarmite · 02/04/2023 11:37

Nocutenamesleft · 02/04/2023 11:34

I watched a fascinating documentary about how we’ve forgotten to communicate and how social media is to blame. Even the original starters of Facebook are saying they’ve built something really wrong and bad.

Show quote history

Ooh what was it called?

myoldmansatrendydustman · 02/04/2023 11:38

@Whenharrymetsmelly Given OP has organised this event, she should make the effort to follow up,

I disagree.
OP issued the invite and two people said they would come. She then put a msg on group chat to clarify times, with no response.

After a reasonable amount of time (say late afternoon) I would have assumed they'd changed their minds and made other arrangements.

Life is too short to chase around after flaky people.

KatherineJaneway · 02/04/2023 11:39

I guess they either did turn up and OP has a massive hangover or they didn't and she is licking her wounds.

myoldmansatrendydustman · 02/04/2023 11:41

KatherineJaneway · 02/04/2023 11:39

I guess they either did turn up and OP has a massive hangover or they didn't and she is licking her wounds.

It's not a satisfactory outcome either way - except that OP now knows who her real friends are.

Robinni · 02/04/2023 11:55

D’ya reckon she gave too wide a time frame, before 7 if they wanted to see the baby - which clearly they didn’t. Maybe they showed up about 8? Please update @UnluckyCoil

CambsAlways · 02/04/2023 11:58

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Robinni · 02/04/2023 12:05

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@CambsAlways the comment as far as I read it was tongue in cheek and related to a popular thread ongoing about MN norms.

A major irritation that people have is that all bad behaviour from people results in comments such as “perhaps they have dementia”, “do you think it’s SEN, ASD, ADHD, Anxiety, Depression”…
Sometimes people are just arseholes.

I got the joke which was to do with other thread and that’s why I laughed. As someone who has cared for those with dementia full well realise the seriousness.

I was laughing at the Mumsnetters enthusiasm for pathologising dicky behaviour automatically.

CambsAlways · 02/04/2023 12:13

It might have been said tongue in cheek Robinni but for those people like myself who have cared 24/7 for a parent with Alzheimer’s and lived with the devastation of losing a parent to the cruel disease is not a laughing matter

bussteward · 02/04/2023 12:20

This reply has been deleted

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It’s not a laughing matter but the joke clearly isn’t “dementia is funny”: the joke is “perhaps they have dementia” is used on virtually all Mumsnet threads. I could equally have said “log it with 101” or “book yourself a spa day”: the joke still wouldn’t be about 101 or spas. Out of the goodness of my heart I won’t report you for calling me a cow though, take care.

ginasevern · 02/04/2023 12:26

Many years ago when my DH was about 6 months old I invited my best friend whom I known for 10 years around for an evening while x DH was doing overtime. My then DH and I had just bought our first little house (one bed cottage) and I was so excited to show my friend. I'd bought a bottle of wine, some fancy cheeses, french bread and other nice things. DH and I were pretty skint what with a new baby, mortage etc and his job was poorly paid so I'd literally saved up for this evening.

Anyway, friend arrives around 7pm, I hug her and tell her how thrilled I am to see her but she looked a bit off. She dumped her coat and bag and then pronounced that she actually felt like going out, not staying in. I was crest fallen and could hardly conjure up a babysitter at the last minute. I enthusiastically told her about the lovely food I'd bought and how much I was looking forward to a good catch up but she asked if she could use my phone (only landlines then). She then proceeded to go through her address book phoning all her other friends to see if they wanted to go out on the town while I just stood there wishing the ground would swallow me up. She eventually found someone to go out with, grabbed her bag and coat and left mumbling a half hearted apology.

I cried desperately once she'd left. I felt so stupid and I've never forgotten that evening. So, OP I want you to know how much I empathise and how terribly upsetting it can be when people you thought you could trust treat you like shit. Sending lots of hugs.

Wtfisthis1 · 02/04/2023 12:29

I’m really sad for you. That’s so rude and offensive. I’d not make an effort to see them anymore.