Page 13 | To think my friends aren’t coming?

UnluckyCoil · 2023-04-01T16:16:52+00:00

Arranged earlier in the week for a catch up round mine which is a rarity as my DH is away- both friends agreed to come. This morning at 9am, put a message in the group chat asking what time they were coming so I can make sure my house is tidy, make sure baby is asleep etc and neither have them have replied or even opened the message. They are the kind of people who have theirs phones with them 24/7 so can’t imagine they’ve not looked at their phones for 8hrs. I don’t mind but I guess I just want to know either way.. and I’ve bought drinks and snacks. I’d feel embarrassed to put a chase message in the group chat. They aren’t coming are they?

HelpMeGetThrough · 02/04/2023 05:27

I also get the no calling thing. Who phones anyone these days?

Someone in the shit on "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" and needs an answer.

Or perhaps the new version will have the "Message a Friend" lifeline.

BlueHeartMelody · 02/04/2023 05:43

UnluckyCoil · 01/04/2023 19:01

I will another day. A bit deflated tbh as I rarely do things like this and thought they were better than that.

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@UnluckyCoil Not sure if your friends came after 7PM. Hope you were able to watch something great Netflix. If they’ve not turned up, maybe send them both a message in the group about how their actions made you feel. It’s ok to cancel but to not turn up and let you know is incredibly rude and hurtful

TheLadyofShalott1 · 02/04/2023 05:48

Hi @UnluckyCoil did they ever turn up, or at least message you? I do hope they did 💐💐💐

JudgeRudy · 02/04/2023 06:04

I think if you've said come anytime after 7 (or before if you want to see baby that's a very casual arrangement. It almost sounds like you're saying OH is away and I've nothing on so pop over if you like. Now if you'd have for example said shall we get a takeaway or eat separately before that's more of a plan.
It's still shitty not to answer at all but I wouldn't be answering a text at 9am for that sort of arrangement. I might have replied, see you this evening but I would not have expected to need to give a time as such. I think it's odd to agree a time on the day but maybe that's me.
As I can't see any post saying they're arrived I'll assume you've been stood up. You need to make it clear that had you known they weren't coming you could have made other arrangements. They probably thought you were staying in anyway (kid) and nothing was spoiling.

Schnooze · 02/04/2023 07:07

Well you’ve got nowhere to go with them not replying at all. If they’d said they couldn’t make it, then the friendship could survive. But not getting in touch is just rude and sending a definite message. I’m sorry op. It doesn’t look good for the future.

DashboardConfessional · 02/04/2023 07:11

It's not about ringing them or not, it's ringing someone who you know is ignoring you. I've done it and it's excruciating listening to them um and ah for excuses.

PeonyRose80 · 02/04/2023 07:47

I really hope they turned up, just a little later than you mentioned with a bottle of wine and apology.

MrsMikeDrop · 02/04/2023 07:53

JudgeRudy · 02/04/2023 06:04

I think if you've said come anytime after 7 (or before if you want to see baby that's a very casual arrangement. It almost sounds like you're saying OH is away and I've nothing on so pop over if you like. Now if you'd have for example said shall we get a takeaway or eat separately before that's more of a plan.
It's still shitty not to answer at all but I wouldn't be answering a text at 9am for that sort of arrangement. I might have replied, see you this evening but I would not have expected to need to give a time as such. I think it's odd to agree a time on the day but maybe that's me.
As I can't see any post saying they're arrived I'll assume you've been stood up. You need to make it clear that had you known they weren't coming you could have made other arrangements. They probably thought you were staying in anyway (kid) and nothing was spoiling.

I agree. Do you only invite them if DH is away? Maybe they feel second best. Also I think you're better to have concrete plans, rather than so casual. In saying that, it's rude of them to not respond but I don't understand why you didn't just call so you could get an answer one way or another rather than wasting your time and wondering all day (the effort it took to write this thread and it would have been resolved). Sounds like poor communication all round, and overall a weird friendship amongst you all that they don't respond and you don't want to just call them

Helpmeimtired · 02/04/2023 08:13

Did they turn up ?

Wonnle · 02/04/2023 08:32

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Thisgirlcan21 · 02/04/2023 08:46

If you said to me a time after 7 I would have replied to find out an exact time.
Have they got children? I’m thinking they haven’t? I would make an effort to make more friends with babies. If you haven’t already. I would be seriously hurt and stepping back from this friendship!

willieversleep · 02/04/2023 09:03

Did they turn up??

Radi0 · 02/04/2023 09:11

DID THEY TURN UP? I NEED TO KNOW

GrinAndVomit · 02/04/2023 09:16

Radi0 · 02/04/2023 09:11

DID THEY TURN UP? I NEED TO KNOW

Hahaha I feel this

Mary46 · 02/04/2023 09:32

Rude if no contact. Op you should call them out on it. Just dont plan things going forward.

TolkiensFallow · 02/04/2023 09:34

This is appalling behaviour. they are no longer your friends.

module · 02/04/2023 09:43

OP hasn't turned up either.

WomanStanleyWoman2 · 02/04/2023 09:46

Whenharrymetsmelly · 01/04/2023 22:26

This is such a stupid comment, so you're suggesting not to phone them because they might not answer the phone. Surely phoning is the obvious solution. How is it that so many get by in life with next to no social skills. Some mumsnet people are so weird 😐

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It’s not a stupid comment at all. You’ve completely invented this notion that I’ve said “They might not answer, so don’t try”. I haven’t said that or anything like it. You’ve managed to quote the post - surely it wouldn’t have been that hard to read it?

The point I’m making is that you and the other “FFS just call!” posters are making a call sound like a silver bullet. The poster I responded to actually said “It would instantly solve the problem”. Well it solves nothing if they don’t answer - and given that they ignored OP’s messages, why do you think they will suddenly spring into action if she calls? They won’t be somehow compelled to answer because it’s a call rather than a text. It’s a telephone, not a Jedi mind control device.

QueefQueen80s · 02/04/2023 09:50

They aren't your friends sadly.

yogaretreat · 02/04/2023 09:52

Oh that's awful you must feel so disappointed. I'm so sorry you have such selfish friends x

Bleachmycloths · 02/04/2023 10:01

I know that this probably not a good idea but I would feel like texting both of them telling them the least they could have done would be to reply/explain as you had bought food and drink and made other preparations.
It’s odd that neither of them turned up.
Tbh I’d go NC now after treating you so shabbily otherwise they’ll think they can treat you how they like. They don’t sound very nice.

HelpMeGetThrough · 02/04/2023 10:02

Rude if no contact. Op you should call them out on it.

Don't you mean "message them out", as judging be the comments on here, nobody ever makes a call.

WestMauling · 02/04/2023 10:15

HelpMeGetThrough · 02/04/2023 10:02

Rude if no contact. Op you should call them out on it.

Don't you mean "message them out", as judging be the comments on here, nobody ever makes a call.

- but true

Maireas · 02/04/2023 10:15

I don't understand why people can't send a quick text - yes, even at 9am, it takes 2 seconds - with a yay or nay.
Is it laziness?