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Original poster

To think my friends aren’t coming?

549 replies

UnluckyCoil · 01/04/2023 17:16

Arranged earlier in the week for a catch up round mine which is a rarity as my DH is away- both friends agreed to come.
This morning at 9am, put a message in the group chat asking what time they were coming so I can make sure my house is tidy, make sure baby is asleep etc and neither have them have replied or even opened the message.
They are the kind of people who have theirs phones with them 24/7 so can’t imagine they’ve not looked at their phones for 8hrs.
I don’t mind but I guess I just want to know either way.. and I’ve bought drinks and snacks. I’d feel embarrassed to put a chase message in the group chat.
They aren’t coming are they?

OP posts:
GonnaGetGoingReturns · 01/04/2023 22:29

You shouldn’t need to ring to chase them up when you’ve WhatsApped them.

I had this last month with 2 ex work colleagues, one was held up at work and was trying to leave and her boss had a late meeting, her I believe as she kept on sending me updates as she was planning on coming, the other woman just forgot and I didn’t think I’d need to remind a woman in her 40s about a night out. She was very apologetic.

Real friends I’d be really upset about it and it seems like both of them have spoken to the other about this. Unless you’ve upset them then I’d consider ending the friendship with them unless I got a big apology. You’ve gone to the effort and they sound like horrible people. I was gonna say cows but cows are nicer than they are.

Robinni · 01/04/2023 22:30

UnluckyCoil · 01/04/2023 17:22

I said they can come anytime after 7 as baby will be asleep by then or they can come before if they wanna see the baby..
to which they replied ‘sounds good’ so wasn’t specified whether it was after 7 or like.. now 🤷‍♀️

@UnluckyCoil May be barking up the wrong tree, but they haven’t had children have they? And you’re one of the first amongst your group to have had a baby? Or another reason to be jealous?

Happened to me - friends arranged to come round, see me and baby, spent time cleaning, summoning energy to put on make up… 9:30 where are you?? “Oh my gosh completely forgot”

There was a lot of passive aggressive, we’re going out to get drunk until 3am without you and aren’t jealous at all stuff and basically leaving me to drown in nappies.

Now they’ve all had babies it’s “oh my gosh I didn’t know it was this hard, if I’d known I would have been round all the time etc etc”

Don’t let them bother you, women can be mean girls sometimes.

Enjoy Netflix and put them out of your head x

LiliLil · 01/04/2023 22:31

I hope they turned up x

dreamqueen22 · 01/04/2023 22:35

That's really poor. I would much prefer someone to just say they're not coming (even make up a bullshit excuse) rather than just ignore the group chat and hope you don't notice. Very very shitty. Hope you're ok op.

MysteryBelle · 01/04/2023 22:39

This is so sad. Op, they’re not your friends if they said they come and then ignored your texts. It’s weird that both of them are doing this.

I think you should meet new people and make new honorable friends who are on your level re values and integrity.

Out of curiosity, I would ask both of them why they did this.

Nicecow · 01/04/2023 22:45

Just call them, for your own sake to save you waiting and assuming. And it also means they don't get 'off the hook', it's such passive behaviour letting them also get away with it. I'd almost take it the other way and think you don't really want them to come over because you equally can't be bothered to properly follow up.

NameChangeNumber359 · 01/04/2023 22:49

I saw your OP earlier and came back hoping there had been a misunderstanding and that you were having a lovely night with your 'friends'. I'm sorry it didn't work out like that x

Novatherova · 01/04/2023 22:58

UnluckyCoil · 01/04/2023 19:01

I will another day. A bit deflated tbh as I rarely do things like this and thought they were better than that.

Show quote history

Did they not come????

What nasty girls. So sorry.

Jitterybugs · 01/04/2023 23:01

OP hasn’t been back. Hopefully she’s enjoying her evening with her visitors.

TheRealHousewife · 01/04/2023 23:10

Read your thread. It’s a bit off of them not letting you know one way or another. To leave you hanging is rather rude. It’s not you, it’s them ❤️

HowcanIgetoutofthisalive · 01/04/2023 23:15

Hoping that OP's lack of response means her friends turned up after all. Hope it was just a misunderstanding OP

ilovesushi · 01/04/2023 23:18

Hope you had a nice evening anyway x

Zonder · 01/04/2023 23:30

I hope they came.

WitheredandOld · 01/04/2023 23:45

I’m baffled as to why you didn’t call them mid afternoon to check on timing when they hadn’t read your message?

Whenharrymetsmelly · 01/04/2023 23:56

WitheredandOld · 01/04/2023 23:45

I’m baffled as to why you didn’t call them mid afternoon to check on timing when they hadn’t read your message?

I agree, how weird to not even have the ability to call your own friends

Merangutan · 02/04/2023 00:02

That’s really rude of them, OP. Such bad manners. Definitely do speak to them about it because letting you get food and drink in and then reading your messages, not turning up, not explaining why and totally ignoring you is so rude. They should be explaining and apologising if they are any sort of friends.

MrsDoylesDoily · 02/04/2023 00:07

Whenharrymetsmelly · 01/04/2023 23:56

I agree, how weird to not even have the ability to call your own friends

Show quote history

Honestly I know MN is weird with people not answering their doors, not being able to politely ask a neighbour to stop using their bins/parking across their drives etc

But not quickly ringing your own friend to ask if they're coming round or not, is a whole new level of weirdness.

MakingTheVeganYorkshirePud · 02/04/2023 00:12

Hi OP,

I came here late and went straight to reading your last comment.

I hope you haven't responded since because you are having a great time with them. If not, then I hope you picked a really good Netflix film and I hope you decide to dump both of them and get better friends. You would deserve better if the latter is the case.

MakingTheVeganYorkshirePud · 02/04/2023 00:19

To all the people going on about 'why didn't you phone them' blah, blah. Firstly, although you might find it unusual, not everyone is good speaking on the phone. Secondly, if you are constantly communicating by text, and your friends are similar, wouldn't you also be a bit perturbed if they didn't respond to your text about a night you'd planned?

OP is not in the wrong here. If her friends didn't turn up, or text, they are the ones in the wrong.

MrsDoylesDoily · 02/04/2023 00:22

MakingTheVeganYorkshirePud · 02/04/2023 00:19

To all the people going on about 'why didn't you phone them' blah, blah. Firstly, although you might find it unusual, not everyone is good speaking on the phone. Secondly, if you are constantly communicating by text, and your friends are similar, wouldn't you also be a bit perturbed if they didn't respond to your text about a night you'd planned?

OP is not in the wrong here. If her friends didn't turn up, or text, they are the ones in the wrong.

Firstly, although you might find it unusual, not everyone is good speaking on the phone.

It's a quick call to your mates to find out if they're coming round, not a business conference 🙄

MakingTheVeganYorkshirePud · 02/04/2023 00:26

@MrsDoylesDoily don't be so obtuse.

Some people would avoid talking on the phone rather than speaking to a person face to face. Not everyone is you.

The OP has obviously invested time in organising this night. She's communicated with her friends, by preferred ways of communication, and they haven't responded.

She doesn't deserve a kick in by 'why didn't you just phone'.

Mirabai · 02/04/2023 00:26

What does not being good at speaking on the phone entail?

I mean if you can say “Hi are you coming around tonight?” Then you can say it on the phone.

GymNewbie · 02/04/2023 00:28

A quick call to a mate also isn't that easy.

I can speak to 1 sibling on the phone not the other

I have many friends who ive been friends with 20 odd years absolutely can't speak on the phone to them. But face to face i can for hours.

I speak to dh, and my parents on phone.
Not ils but again could hours face to face.

I have a real bizzare and i know its odd fearof doing so

MakingTheVeganYorkshirePud · 02/04/2023 00:28

@Mirabai you don't get that others may have some anxiety that you can't fathom?

All of her communication was through text. You'd at least think the OP could've had a response via text.

Mirabai · 02/04/2023 00:30

If you can talk to your friends face to face then you can say it on the phone no?