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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is a shitty thing to say?

133 replies

Ok123 · 01/04/2023 14:50

Settle an argument beween me and DP…

Came home around 2.30 and said I was starving as I hadn’t eaten all day. DP comes out with “well it doesn’t look like it”, and I’m immediately offended.

For context, I HAVE put on around 1.5 stone since is meeting 6 years ago have having DD, but am still at max a size 12, mostly clothes a size 10. He isn’t happy with this (neither am I to be fair), but I get constant comments about it. When I challenged him on it, apparently I can’t get upset because it’s true.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Sandra1984 · 01/04/2023 16:02

I’m a size 10 myself, average height and quite slender so why is he calling you fat? Is he into anorexic stick model types?

Dixiechickonhols · 01/04/2023 16:02

It’s an awful thing to say. He’s supposed to be your boyfriend.
I’d seriously rethink. Do you want your child hearing that.
Longterm you will both change.
If you brought it up as bothering you then him offering to cook healthy meals or have dc while you exercise is helpful. Shaming you for eating isn’t way to go.

Sapphire387 · 01/04/2023 16:04

I wouldn't be able to bring myself to have sex with him. Ever.

BCBird · 01/04/2023 16:04

Dick splash

pointythings · 01/04/2023 16:12

You have options, but I know which one I'd pick:

  1. You call him out on it every single time
  2. You respond with an equally negative comment about him every time
  3. You dump his sorry arse and bring your DD up without his awful ideas about what women should be
Middletoleft · 01/04/2023 16:14

It might be true but brutal honesty isn't the way to go 🙄

YouJustDoYou · 01/04/2023 16:19

He's a horrible piece of shit who will pass his views down to your kids. Do you really want that?

Wandxrlust · 01/04/2023 16:19

Girl, say to him at least I can lose the weight I put on within these 6 years but what we going to do with the bitch you’ve become after all these 6 years? Stupid cunt. That’s emotional/mental abuse, throw the man away.

PousseyNotMoira · 01/04/2023 16:22

This is the third post I’ve seen today where some idiot is putting his partner down for her weight…and she’s tolerating it and posting here instead of ripping him a new one.

Is there something in the air?

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 01/04/2023 16:24

He's vile. I am many years in recovery from an ED and shit like this makes me value DH even more than I already did. 1.5 st over 6 years and a baby is nothing! Womens' bodies change shape as they develop and carry children.

Original poster
Ok123 · 01/04/2023 16:24

My self esteem has really taken a hammering in the last few years. I have brought this up to him, but I just get “would you prefer me to lie to you?”.

Apparently no one could ruin his self esteem because he’s really confident in himself, it’s not up to him to “fluff up” my confidence 🙄

OP posts:
PousseyNotMoira · 01/04/2023 16:25

Ok123 · 01/04/2023 16:24

My self esteem has really taken a hammering in the last few years. I have brought this up to him, but I just get “would you prefer me to lie to you?”.

Apparently no one could ruin his self esteem because he’s really confident in himself, it’s not up to him to “fluff up” my confidence 🙄

LTB.

rumporolypolyofthebailey · 01/04/2023 16:26

Does he have any redeeming features?

WinterDeWinter · 01/04/2023 16:26

Say the small dick thing. Really. Say it, and ask him how the truth feels.

Original poster
Ok123 · 01/04/2023 16:26

I would never class myself as having had an ED, but I did have a period when I was younger where I’d restrict myself to 500 cals and 1 meal a day. He knows this…

I still haven’t eaten since I’ve been back as I feel like shit after his comment.

OP posts:
AndTheListGoesOn · 01/04/2023 16:30

Do yourself and your DD a favour and get rid of him. He's already damaged your self-esteem, it's only a matter of time before he does the same to DD. Don't allow that x

PipinwasAuntieMabelsdog · 01/04/2023 16:31

After seeing that update, he is an utter cunt @Ok123 Dh says tell that from him too. I nearly died as a result of my ED and only have our DC by the grace of IVF. 500 cals and 1 meal a day sounds very familiar to me Sad please don't let him send you back there, he is absolutely not worth it! xx

Merryoldgoat · 01/04/2023 16:32

it’s not up to him to “fluff up” my confidence

That is exactly what his job is. That’s what we do for people we love. He is a Class A prick.

Deathraystare · 01/04/2023 16:32

Does he have a beer belly?

Losing hair?

Strike where he is vulnerable. Don't let him get away with it.

See if you can compare him with someone he can't stand... "Yeah well, in those jeans you look like Jeremy Clarkson" "You've got bigger manboobs than Simon Cowell"

LumpyandBumps · 01/04/2023 16:32

“would you prefer me to lie to you?”.

Did you ask his opinion?

If not why does he feel the need to say anything?

BCBird · 01/04/2023 16:33

The trouble is when someone makes any.comment about what you are eating it is as if the food turns to ash in your mouth. I know. Focus on trying g to have a healthy approach to food,that is fo not restrict yourself like you did when u were younger. When your child is in bed tell.him.this needs to stop. Good luck.

AthenaWhite · 01/04/2023 16:33

This is a controlling, mean and damaging relationship. Make plans.

CambsAlways · 01/04/2023 16:35

So you can still fit into size 10 clothes, he’s a total arse

ChrisPPancake · 01/04/2023 16:35

I've put on over 3.5 stone since I met dh, and I was a size 14/16 then. He has never mentioned/complained about that. Not once in almost 30 years.
Your h is a prick and owes you a massive apology.

DarkShade · 01/04/2023 16:39

Fuck him OP. He IS lying to you. By saying that you look like you've been eating today (whatever the fuck that means) he's lying to you to make you feel bad. He's doing this on purpose. Why would you want to be with a man who doesn't like how you look and who deliberately likes putting you down?

Go and eat woman!