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Original poster

To think most accidental pregnancies aren't really accidental?

253 replies

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 01/04/2023 14:02

If someone really doesn't want to get pregnant they are there are so many ways to prevent it that it's rarely a real accident?

Contraception, vasectomies, morning after pill etc.

I know contraception fails but if someone really doesn't want a pregnancy, they can double up & just more than one method?

Is it a lie that people just tell themselves?

OP posts:
user1477391263 · 01/04/2023 14:49

In my experience, women who are commitedly child free by choice almost never end up with a baby, regardless of how sexually active they are. Draw your own conclusions!

I think genuine accidents due to really bad luck despite all precautions do exist, but most so-called accidental pregnancies don’t fall into this category, IMO.

There are the grey area pregnancies where it is about carelessness or sorta-kinda half wanting to get pregnant. And then there are the cases where a woman is just flat out rewriting history. If a woman intentionally gets pregnant with a useless bloke who (surprise surprise) turns out to be a rubbish partner and parent, it’s embarrassing to admit that you were stupid enough to plan a pregnancy with such a poor choice of man. So history gets rewritten, and “It was an accidental pregnancy.”

TwinsAndTiramisu · 01/04/2023 14:50

Yes there's a big difference between genuine accidental pregnancies, and one person being deceptive.

And I think there are a lot more of the latter than claimed.

Gwenhwyfar · 01/04/2023 14:53

"definitely wasn’t planned they both had abortions so obviously didn’t want to secretly be pregnant "

Not necessarily. There can be a subconscious desire to conceive even in people who know they can't really have a child.

BeardieWeirdie · 01/04/2023 14:55

Having not used any contraception in 13 years and with only two very much wanted babies, I really struggle to get my head around how anyone can manage to get pregnant accidentally with doubled-up contraception. I find it so bloody difficult to conceive without any contraception!

Notegoat · 01/04/2023 14:55

’it’s embarrassing to admit that you were stupid enough to plan a pregnancy with such a poor choice of man’

Because there’s so much judgement. You see threads on here from pregnant (adult) women in long term relationship whose parents react badly when they announce their pregnancy. People are grilled about their choice to have/ not have a second child by coworkers! I definitely wouldn’t mention my abortion IRL because I know there would be judgy comments.

Botw1 · 01/04/2023 14:56

I think there's a lot of didn't do enough to prevent rather than truly accidental yeah.

pointythings · 01/04/2023 14:56

'Doubling up' is still no guarantee. I know three couples who were doing that and still ended up with an unplanned pregnancy, and these are people I know very well - these were not engineered 'accidents'. Condom + pill does not mean 100% protection from pregnancy.

Babyboomtastic · 01/04/2023 14:56

Not all women will have abortions if they find themselves pregnant. It doesn't make the pregnancy any less accidental.

Minierme · 01/04/2023 14:57

I think you are assuming a level of mental energy and organisation that is not always the reality. All pregnancy is ultimately preventable but that doesn’t make it planned. It can be accidental without being totally unavoidable. That’s without considering all the horrors of rape and coercion.

Charmatt · 01/04/2023 14:58

I had my first child with fertility treatment as I was told I had no capability of a natural pregnancy, but I accidentally found myself pregnant 6 years later!

Bluebelle82 · 01/04/2023 15:00

I got pregnant very young and believed for years that the condom had failed. Also that when my then ex-bf's next girlfriend got pregnant very quickly, that they had some kind of 'accident' and we were all young and super fertile. Then I watched the fantastic 'I May Destroy You' and it suddenly hit me that my bf most probably never put a condom on. I was raped. I'm still not sure what to do with this and have just ended burying it at the back of my mind. We've both grown up and moved on. I'll just try and make sure my own daughters watch 'I may destroy you' as soon as they are old enough.

Original poster
IAteAllTheTomatoes · 01/04/2023 15:01

Sorry I appear to have made a mess of my question & have upset some people unintentionally. That wasn't my intention.

I'm also not trying to blame people or anything like that.

I absolutely agree that no contraception is foolproof & that some people genuinely become pregnant despite their best efforts. I don't think for one minute anyone should forever avoid sex if the don't want a pregnancy.

I suppose its the fact that I am noticing that more people appear to be using the word "accidental" when they weren't trying to prevent it.

To me an accident it something that is 100% unintentional & that you would prefer if it didn't happen. Maybe I am defining it wrong.

OP posts:
YouJustDoYou · 01/04/2023 15:02

My SIL's pregnancies were all "accidental", but then she was a frequent drug user and drinker so I suspect that may have contributed to the less than stellar efficiency of three "accidents"...

Morningcoffeeview · 01/04/2023 15:02

I have no doubt that some pregnancies are genuine accidents and those fall in the 2% or whatever it is of contraceptive failure.

I totally agree the vast majority, I.e the other 98% were “unplanned” rather than accidental.

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 01/04/2023 15:02

Contraception fails and lives are complicated. A black and white view doesn't help anybody.

Fwiw I did double up yet dc1 is still here. Other pregnancies all planned so I'm quite capable of using contraception appropriately.

Babyboomtastic · 01/04/2023 15:03

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 01/04/2023 15:01

Sorry I appear to have made a mess of my question & have upset some people unintentionally. That wasn't my intention.

I'm also not trying to blame people or anything like that.

I absolutely agree that no contraception is foolproof & that some people genuinely become pregnant despite their best efforts. I don't think for one minute anyone should forever avoid sex if the don't want a pregnancy.

I suppose its the fact that I am noticing that more people appear to be using the word "accidental" when they weren't trying to prevent it.

To me an accident it something that is 100% unintentional & that you would prefer if it didn't happen. Maybe I am defining it wrong.

I think this is because such a big deal is made these days of 'ttc' and charting ovulation etc, that some people think that's what trying for a baby is, not just having an unprotected shag 😂

Morningcoffeeview · 01/04/2023 15:04

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 01/04/2023 14:10

I think far fewer people use condoms than we realise. Certainly when I was younger alI didn’t because they’re gross, smelly a mood killer and I didn’t place my sexual health high enough above my need for a good shag I guess.

Me neither. I’ve never caught an STI, always used some hormonal contraception. But shudder now when I think how fast and loose I was with my health.

MoonOverBroadway · 01/04/2023 15:04

Hmmm. Definitely accidental for me. Twice.

I got pregnant at 19 after the condom split and the MAP failed, and had a termination.

The exact same thing happened to me almost 20 years later. Bad luck, I guess.
I suppose I could have avoided it if I’d been on the pill, but it never agreed with me and so always relied on condoms.

In between that I had two planned pregnancies with my DH and conceived immediately on trying. I think some people are very fertile, and accidents definitely do happen. I’m a responsible grown up, married 23 years, so not exactly reckless and I definitely did NOT want to be pregnant either time and DID take precautions to avoid.

Ohhmydays · 01/04/2023 15:06

TeenLifeMum · 01/04/2023 14:06

I used a condom… it split, so I took the morning after pill. Still ended up pregnant. I’ve had unprotected sex 3 times in my life (once when the condom split included in that 3 - I had a termination) the other times resulted in dd1 and the the final time, dtds.

i guess I’m very fertile. So no, I don’t agree with your hypothesis.

Defo this. Same predicament with ds1. After my second ds i was on the jag got pregnant but didn’t know until i lost it. A year and a half later got pregnant again while on the implant because the doctor failed to tell me to take extra precautions while i was taken antibiotics. Currently waiting to get my tubes removed, not cut/tied because knowing my luck they would fuse back together and i would end up with baby no4

ISpyCobraKai · 01/04/2023 15:07

I've had two, one with the pill and a condom, one with a mirena coil.
Absolutely not planned.
First ended in MC, second I chose termination.
I've now been sterilised because I never wanted to go through it again.

RichardHeed · 01/04/2023 15:07

A friend is "accidentally" pregnant but has said It's a very happy accident. They weren't actively trying to prevent it so it's not an accident.
So you’ve chosen to snip at your friend on an anonymous forum because of semantics? Using the term friend loosely are we??

CountZacular · 01/04/2023 15:07

Half of these posts are kind of OP’s point. It’s not an accident if you just weren’t really trying to stop pregnancy.

I’d say a genuine accident is what the other half of posters are saying - condom failure, pill not working for whatever reason, MAP failing. Just ‘we didn’t use a condom this one time’ isn’t an accident anymore than ‘I crashed my car the one time I was driving with a blindfold’. It was a likely, expected outcome.

Morningcoffeeview · 01/04/2023 15:09

CountZacular · 01/04/2023 15:07

Half of these posts are kind of OP’s point. It’s not an accident if you just weren’t really trying to stop pregnancy.

I’d say a genuine accident is what the other half of posters are saying - condom failure, pill not working for whatever reason, MAP failing. Just ‘we didn’t use a condom this one time’ isn’t an accident anymore than ‘I crashed my car the one time I was driving with a blindfold’. It was a likely, expected outcome.

Exactly.

also if the condom spilt you know that you need to take an extra step… I.e get the MAP as you know there is a risk of pregnancy you haven’t effectively mitigated. Not rocket science.

IAmInMeHoop · 01/04/2023 15:09

Of course there are millions of genuine accidents. And of course there are millions of not really accidents but not really on purpose either, and of course there are plenty of pretend accidents that aren't.

All of them happen. There's really nothing to argue about here. No need to get angry about your genuine accident because someone else talks about the all not-really-accidents.

Hayliebells · 01/04/2023 15:10

stbrandonsboat · 01/04/2023 14:10

If you're determined not to get pregnant then you have to be prepared to double up as nothing is 100%. I doubt people would seriously want to double up though as most people just take their chances using one method.

I don't really understand this. For very many years, when it would have been a bit of a disaster if I had gotten pregnant, I very happily "doubled up", with both the pill and condoms. I am a bit confused as to why people wouldn't want to? I can understand if someone can't take hormonal contraceptives, but that's not going to be the case for the majority of people. I honestly thought that using both a hormonal method (or copper coil), and condoms is what most people do, until they're in a position where a pregnancy isn't a disaster. Maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think it's that unusual.....