To think most accidental pregnancies aren't really accidental?

[IAteAllTheTomatoes]

If someone really doesn't want to get pregnant they are there are so many ways to prevent it that it's rarely a real accident?

Contraception, vasectomies, morning after pill etc.

I know contraception fails but if someone really doesn't want a pregnancy, they can double up & just more than one method?

Is it a lie that people just tell themselves?

DC 1 I was on the pill. Took it as per instructions. Still got preggo.
Dc2 condom came off during sex, took morning after pill. Still got pregnant. I didn't realise until recently the MAP is effectly useless if you've already ovulated as thats what it's job is- to delay ovulation.

Dc3 tried for 5 years 🤣 and gave up. Next month got pregnant.

When I got pregnant with my first he wasn't planned. We had unprotected sex once and obviously pregnancy is a risk of that but he wasn't "planned" nor was it an accident really as I wasn't exactly trying to prevent it.

DD was planned and I had unprotected sex 4-5 times in my ovulation week.

I think this is one of those situations where there needs to be differentiation.

‘Unplanned’ to refer to situations where the pregnancy wasn’t specifically aimed for but precautions were either not taken or taken woefully badly (missing pills, pull out method, period app with a dodgy cycle, ‘I knew the condom split but didn’t take MAP’ that kind of stuff, because whilst no you didn’t set out to become pregnant you also didn’t do everything in your power to avoid it.

’Accidental’ to refer to situations where reliable and effective methods were in play (implant; coil, misdiagnosed infertility, MAP failed…etc) because whilst you took every step you could to avoid becoming pregnant it still failed. These people deserve significantly more sympathy than those in the above category as ‘accidental’ pregnancy is generally a life shattering and very difficult thing.

Abortion is not a form of contraception and regardless of how dutiful you were in not becoming pregnant, not having an abortion doesn’t automatically make being pregnant your own fault. Talking about abortion like it’s just a form of contraception makes me so sad. It’s a massive and personal choice.

"So she told him they’d run out of condoms but he carried on anyway?? I presume he knew how babies are made?"

Sorry I didn't mention, she said she wasn't fertile at the time as had only just had her period. She also took advantage of the fact he was drunk.

"You're painting this adult male as an innocent victim here. It's hilarious"
I don't find it funny at all. I am not saying he was innocent, but he was taken advantage of. What would you say if it was the other way round and a drunken woman was pressured into unprotected sex. I feel sorry for him as he is now a Father to a child he loves very much, but did not want at the time, as he wanted to be older, more financially secure before starting a family. He was young 20s when this happened. He had imagined waiting 5-10 years before becoming a Father

Well yes if you have sex the risk is always there even with a vasectomy. If you absolutely don’t want to pregnant but still want to have sex you had better be comfortable with the idea of maybe having to get an abortion one day.

Talking about abortion like it’s just a form of contraception makes me so sad. It’s a massive and personal choice.

Why does it make you 'sad?'

I don't find it funny at all. I am not saying he was innocent, but he was taken advantage of. What would you say if it was the other way round and a drunken woman was pressured into unprotected sex. I feel sorry for him as he is now a Father to a child he loves very much, but did not want at the time, as he wanted to be older, more financially secure before starting a family. He was young 20s when this happened. He had imagined waiting 5-10 years before becoming a Father

He sounds like an absolute idiot. Clearly didn't pay attention in sex ed. Should have engaged his brain instead of his penis.

Talking about abortion like it’s just a form of contraception makes me so sad. It’s a massive and personal choice.

Yes, it’s a personal choice if we want to use it to terminate an unwanted pregnancy. Stay off our abortion rights please.

I think it becomes a coercive tool against women if it's viewed as a contraceptive actually. Because using a contraceptive is something you're supposed to do. Termination should never be something you're supposed to do.

I have a pill baby. I took it religiously, did not want to become pregnant & had just got back with my ex after being separated for a year. I can absolutely see why his family thought I had 'trapped' him as we were together for a long time, split then within months of being back together I was pregnant. Truth be told I was devastated, it was a complete shock & I believe it probably contributed to my severe PND. I also have PCOS & no regular cycle & believe it would be extremely difficult to have any more children so it's quite remarkable that my baby defied all the odds. I adore them & don't regret a thing, but it was a total accident/surprise & if they hadn't come along I would not have continued in the relationship.

No contraception is 100% and I'm sure some people might have multiple contraceptive failure.
I know of some failed vasectomies and women with secondary infertility who've been caught out.

I also suspect there's probably an awful lot of happy surprises that weren't much of a surprise to one half of the couple / one half of the couple wasn't using contraception reliably but 'forgot' to tell their partner that they weren't.

I don't think acknowledging that it's not always an easy choice to make is taking away from abortion rights. I have had an abortion, I am 100% pro-choice and always will be but my termination was still traumatic and devastating. It's still not something I ever wanted to have to go through and it's something I can't talk about or grieve for because nobody really understands that pain. Abortions are healthcare and should always be available for those who want or need one - that doesn't mean they are equal to contraception though and shouldn't be viewed as such, they are often much more invasive and carry more risks. Nobody wants to need an abortion, that's why women try to prevent pregnancy in the first place.

In my experience, the ones who accidently on purpose get pregnant, are women who are typically 28 to 38 years old, and are either in a relationship with a man who does NOT want a child. OR they are single and 'accidently' fall pregnant by a one night stand, or a man they have only been seeing for 3-6 weeks. Then they act all shocked and hurt that he won't upend his life to move in with her and raise the child with her.

I know 2 such women right now in the second category - aged 29 and 32, who had a very brief 'relationship' with a man (between 3 and 8 weeks,) before said man dumped them. Then surprise surprise, she ended up announcing she was pregnant a couple of months later. And colour me shocked, the man didn't want to know, and was never seen again, and both women who desired a child so much are now massively struggling with the baby on their own.

One of them (the 32 y.o.) actually said the other day, that she is shocked at how her life has been completely turned upside down by the baby, (born September 2022,) how she has no social life or free time now, and how her friends have all deserted her. (Came around to see the baby once when the the baby was a few weeks old, some 6 months ago, and have never been again.)

The second woman who had her baby in December, is now whining and moaning because she is due to return to work after maternity leave in a couple of months, (coming back after only 6 months off as she can't afford to stay off any longer...) Her employer is refusing to let her work just Monday to Friday 9.30am til 4pm, like she wants. Everyone has to work 50% of the weekends (at least) and she is making demands they just can not, and will not give in to. This woman is blaming EVERYONE else but herself for her 'predicament.'

tl;dr, yep IME, these are typical examples of women who 'accidently' fall pregnant, and them piss and moan because the baby daddy (who they knew for less than 8 WEEKS before they got pregnant,) goes AWOL.

I have also known 4 or 5 women in the past 5 or 6 years, who have been with a man for between 3 and 7 years - and he doesn't want a child. She has 'accidently' fallen pregnant, and in all the cases, the man has either fucked off and left her, OR he plays no part at all in looking after the child, and is quite resentful. I am sure there are SOME cases of a reluctant father coming round and warming to the idea, and being a hands-on dad, but IME, that doesn't happen as much as the father being very unimpressed at the 'accidental' pregnancy.

Yeah yeah I know it takes 2 to tango lalala, but ultimately SHE is the one who ends up pregnant/holding the baby, so women really need to take more care and put more effort into not getting pregnant, if they genuinely do NOT want to get pregnant/have a baby. Sexist comment from me? Probably. So sue me. It's still true.

Anyway, as I say, some accidental pregnancies are no accident, and like I said, it's typically women in their late 20s and their 30s who are basically single, or who have a partner who doesn't want a baby, who seem to have 'accidental' pregnancies...

I have no idea, my pregnancy ended in miscarriage and the nhs won't investigate any futher

Because using a contraceptive is something you're supposed to do.

Well, not really...

I got pregnant in my 20s when I had been on the pill since I was 14. Doctor said to remember it's not 100% effective so yes I do believe accidents happen!

I know contraception fails but if someone really doesn't want a pregnancy, they can double up & just more than one method?

Not everyone can. 1 in 20 women cannot tolerate synthetic progesterone, I am one of them.

There are male contraceptives available for dogs that last several months, wonder why scientists Still can't come up with a male contraceptive, oh wait they have, they just women to bear all the responsibility and side effects.

I’ve had two “accidents” that were not really accidents. I mean I wasn’t trying to get pregnant and both were unplanned but I wasn’t being particularly careful either. I was on the pill
for one of them, but had taken antibiotics and the other using condoms but obviously not very well!

I also had a third unplanned pregnancy which was genuinely a complete surprise. I had a coil fitted so was actively trying not to get pregnant.

I got pregnant at 19, on the pill and using condoms. Condom split so I went to the pharmacy and asked for the MAP, and was told I didn't need it as I hadn't missed any of my pills, or taking anything that would have affected their effectiveness... Ended up pregnant, and I had to have an abortion, which was awful. Dc1 was planned, and got pregnant within weeks of deciding to try for a baby. Dc2 was an "accident" (I'd never tell her this!) Wasn't on the pill at that point as was breastfeeding dc1, and periods hadn't returned, but was using condoms and once again it split, so got MAP the very next day. Pharmacist was resultant to let me have it, staying that it would be very unlikely I'd get pregnant as was breastfeeding and no periods, but I explained I definitely wasn't ready for another baby, and last time I was told I didn't need it, I ended up pregnant, so they prescribed it.... but it didn't bloody work! The doctor said MAP stops you ovulating, and if that has already happened, then taking it wouldn't have worked. So I must have ovulated for the first time since dc1, either just before we had sex, or just after (but before MAP was taken). Dc2 was obviously very determined, and still is to this day 😄! But the best "accident" to ever happen to us. I'd say both of these incidents were complete accidental pregnancies. I tell DH he has super sperm, as he seems to be able to get me pregnant very easily. Touchwood, no more incidents since dc2, but we are very cautious using the pill and condoms... Not that I trust either of these methods fully after my history, but I think the only true way to stop pregnancy is abstinence. I do know a few women who have had "accidental pregnancies" that I'm not so sure were entirely accidental though!

I had a 10 year copper coil in for about four or five years with no problems and then I got pregnant with it still in.

You had a planned baby at 17?

I got pregnant at 16. I was taking the pill, I was fairly good on it (I had a reminder go off at 4pm daily). But I think I must have missed a few. I had a termination. Got a LOT smarter about contraceptive. From 20 on I had the implant and informed my boyfriend I was willing to rely on the implant and not use condoms but I would not terminate. I had 2 bf's while on the implant one is now DH.

So accident/ incorrect use of contraceptive what ever way you want to call it happens. But I don't think there is any reason for it to happen twice. Also I have worked with several women reaching for 40 strangely 'accidently' get pregnant soon after meeting a new bf.

Annoyingly it took me 3 years to successfully have a baby when we decided it was the right time.

So I was told that id probably never have children and had so many tests , scans and one round of ivf . Got divorced and didnt think about ever having children. Met my sons dad and fell pregnant the first time we slept together . It was a huge shock.

I got pregnant whilst breastfeeding and on the mini pill, it wasn’t a disaster just meant that DC are closer in age than planned

I've know two people that had 'accidental' (admittedly not) pregnancies.

1. Had 'accidental' third pregnancy. Came to regret that when they genuinely had an accidental pregnancy, and most reluctantly ended up having a fourth.
2. Had 'accidental' third pregnancy. Which turned out to be twins.

Doesn't pay to play these games.