Page 5 | To ask the most annoying/bizarre flex/boast you've heard?

randomusername2020 · 31/03/2023 22:21

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SparklingLime · 31/03/2023 22:22

That's heartbreaking, @ItsThePlayBusDingDing. I'm so sorry

ChristmasCakeAndGin · 31/03/2023 22:23

Someone I know boasts about having more bathrooms than people in his house. So many in fact, that he hasn't been in some of them in years. Lives in a large but fairly standard house, not some mansion!

MaryDerry · 31/03/2023 22:25

The colleague i once worked with who banged on about how long they've been sat at their desk compared to the rest of the office. Do fuck off. Anyone can sit a desk. But actually doing productive work is different.

FineBerol · 31/03/2023 22:25

VickyEadieofThigh · 31/03/2023 20:45

A friend who claims they never watch TV every time we speak - "I'd be perfectly happy if we didn't have a television..." - as it's somehow awful to do so.

10 minutes later she's talking about the programmes they've watched recently.

This is my MIL 😂

XenoBitch · 31/03/2023 22:25

HoneyPotBee · 31/03/2023 22:20

Good lord

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I used to go out with a really twatty guy who was way too close to his mum (she would have a shit and chat with him when he was in the bath). His mum would brag that he had a massive penis when he was a baby (and she compared it with all the other new mums and their sons in the hospital after giving birth).
A really weird flex, but let me tell you this.... I am certain his penis never actually got any bigger as he grew up.

Newyearnewhome · 31/03/2023 22:26

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 31/03/2023 21:45

Oh yes, competitive hard working.
I have seen ‘I’ve worked every day of my life’ on Mumsnet a few times.
Obviously it’s not true, but anyway it wouldn’t be impressive, it would be sad.

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I’ve got a neighbour like this - always moaning (boasting) about how busy she is ferrying her darling DCs to swimming practice.( so awful having such talented children)

she has a husband, mother and nanny at home, but will never stop to talk to other mums in our cul de sac because she’s so busy!!

every other mum is working full time and with less support than her.

she’s a twat.

Charlize43 · 31/03/2023 22:28

One of the managers at my last work place who opened every meeting by saying that she'd been up since 5 and had run 10K this morning. She was quite largish and some my other colleagues had nicknamed her 'Big Bird'... she certainly didn't look like someone who ran 10K every morning (I heard this opener for years)... I think it was more about appearing as Superwoman and better than the rest of us.

girlmuma · 31/03/2023 22:29

A colleague at work boasting, 'I just have to look at my husband and I'm pregnant'. Just sounded weird.

LicoricePizza · 31/03/2023 22:29

“Oh I would’ve gone for the most expensive one wouldn’t I?! Trust me!” followed by “That’s why I brought HIM!’ Cue the partner rolling his eyes & performing the pantomime of “How much this time?” while boasting “She’s got expensive taste” & “Put it on that” brandishing his card.

🤮

FangsForTheMemory · 31/03/2023 22:29

JamSandle · 31/03/2023 20:33

'I've slept with 100 women' from a bloke. That only grosses me out mate.

Best reply to that is ‘Wow! That’s 100 women who weren’t fussy, then!’

ChristmasCakeAndGin · 31/03/2023 22:30

You get into work and there's that person who has been in the office since 7, or 6 or whatever. Yeah but mate, you've been pissing about on Facebook or TikTok since then!

girlmuma · 31/03/2023 22:31

He (baby/toddler) sleeps so well I have to wake them up in the morning. Gag.

JudgeJ · 31/03/2023 22:32

VickyEadieofThigh · 31/03/2023 20:45

A friend who claims they never watch TV every time we speak - "I'd be perfectly happy if we didn't have a television..." - as it's somehow awful to do so.

10 minutes later she's talking about the programmes they've watched recently.

Years ago we went to a birthday party for a friend's daughter and the mother went on at great length how they never had processed food etc., they all liked as much raw food as possible, it was a fad in the 80s. As she was still going on about her perfectly nutritious food her husband came in carry boxes of Birds Eye beef burger for the barbecue. The same husband would dig onto the unhealthiest food when off the leash.

FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb · 31/03/2023 22:32

God this reminds me of when DD3 was small. For context she is my third, with 13 years span between her and eldest so fortunately reasonably confident in my parenting abilities. She had both speech delay and a stammer.
One particular parent used to say to me "I always just chatted away to Doris right from the day she was born. Have you thought that maybe you don't talk to her enough?"

MrsRinaDecker · 31/03/2023 22:35

I have a health condition and need medication to feel even semi human. Knew a woman with the same health condition who went on about how she didn’t use meds as if it made her somehow better than me! Like, fine if you don’t need them, fine if you do, but it’s not a moral failing to take a few (prescribed!) pills.

Travelfan2021 · 31/03/2023 22:35

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youveturnedupwelldone · 31/03/2023 22:36

I recently introduced my DD to "elevenerife" because of a new girl in her class. Apparently the school she went to previously was AMAZING and had GOLD PLATING on all the teachers and RIDES LIKE THORPE PARK in the playground.

Also, I sit next to someone at work who is really boastful about having travelled to work off peak. I've purposely let it go for months before letting him know recently that I also travel off peak and get there earlier from further away.

lv884 · 31/03/2023 22:37

girlmuma · 31/03/2023 22:29

A colleague at work boasting, 'I just have to look at my husband and I'm pregnant'. Just sounded weird.

Oh, this one is also tremendously tone deaf. Clearly lucky enough to not have any loved ones who have struggled with infertility or have experienced it themselves. Or perhaps they do know people who have but just have not confided in them if they say stuff like this.

PyongyangKipperbang · 31/03/2023 22:37

Recently spent best part of a week with a scrubbing brush and a carpet cleaner to sort out the absolute disgusting state of my lounge carpet (seriously, its about 5 shades lighter!).

Posted with pride on FB that I was so happy with my "new" carpet (including quote marks) My sister and daughters both knew I had cleaned it myself so were really nice although my sister did say "Thats what you get for being on your knees all day every day getting filthy"

World-owes-her-a-living cousin just posted "Oh I wish I could afford a new carpet....still its nice for you..." sooo pass agg! So I replied "Oh it isnt new, its my old one that I scrubbed and washed, happy to lend you my carpet cleaner if you want to get yours done, costs nothing and will look like new"

No reply oddly enough......

JudgeJ · 31/03/2023 22:37

gabsdot45 · 31/03/2023 22:05

I don't know if this counts but I stopped to ask directions from a man on the street in a town in the US.
He noticed my accent and asked me where I was from
Ireland I said
I went to New Zealand once, he said

Speechless

Our version was when we said we were from the North of England he said Oh, you mean Scartland.

EL8888 · 31/03/2023 22:39

phonemouse · 31/03/2023 20:19

One that gets me is people boasting about how 'tiny' they are, but one that always makes me laugh is my MIL proudly mentioning on way more than one occasion how narrow SIL'a feet are like it's something really special 🤣🤣

I have slim feet but they’re a pain in the arse to be honest! I struggle to find shoes that fit. They are unhelpful and not much to be proud of l don’t find

Lots of women go on about boasts linked to feet. My mum is always super proud her feet are smaller than mine by about 3-3.5 sizes. I’m over 8 inches taller than my mother so it would be odd if mine were the same or smaller

itwereallfields · 31/03/2023 22:41

NotDrowningJustCrowing · 31/03/2023 21:02

I am guilty of sometimes saying I'm tiny but I am more likely to say I'm a shortarse and other words to that effect. I'm not a total skinny malink just short and of average weight. Thinking about it when I do say it it's generally in response to someone who's already used that word. I often use it in terms of "But my mum was a little bird woman." I've never thought of it as a flexboast so from now on I'll be more aware of how boasty it might sound and stick to things like shortarse. I'd rather be a lot taller than I am, mostly because it would make clothes buying a lot easier.

I find this really strange.

I never talk about my height or size, let alone all the time.

Alrightok · 31/03/2023 22:41

ChristmasCakeAndGin · 31/03/2023 22:23

Someone I know boasts about having more bathrooms than people in his house. So many in fact, that he hasn't been in some of them in years. Lives in a large but fairly standard house, not some mansion!

🤔I once met a woman on a training course who did this, I wonder if she is his wife! It wasn’t even her weirdest brag…

To set the scene I worked for a big company with branches all over the UK. I had NEVER met, or even spoken to, this woman before.

I was sitting down already, she came and sat next to me and said ‘hi I’m X from X branch’ I introduced myself. She asked if I had children I said no, she said ‘oh, I’ve got two but I had them by c-section so my vagina still looks like I haven’t had any.’ Please remember I had just met her, literally the fourth thing I learnt about her was about her vagina.

She then told me ALL about her children, her husband, her house (including the bathroom part and how expensive her curtains were) and her car.

I was kicking myself for arriving 20 minutes early and spent the whole 2 day course avoiding her.

And now every time someone asks if I have children I flinch a bit!

PyongyangKipperbang · 31/03/2023 22:41

girlmuma · 31/03/2023 22:31

He (baby/toddler) sleeps so well I have to wake them up in the morning. Gag.

Genuinely happened to me...ONCE!

DS (now 32) slept through for the first time and I woke up at 7am and realised that a) I hadnt been up in the night and b) his crying hadnt work me.

I listened...nothing. Poked him....nothing. I have never been so scared in my life. I picked him up and screamed and of course he woke up and screamed too. Was living at my parents at the time and my mother flew in to her daughter and grandson, both hysterical, she fed us both! Be careful what you wish for!