To ask the most annoying/bizarre flex/boast you've heard?

[phonemouse]

One that gets me is people boasting about how 'tiny' they are, but one that always makes me laugh is my MIL proudly mentioning on way more than one occasion how narrow SIL'a feet are like it's something really special 🤣🤣

Oh I love this thread. Except it's made me realise I'm a knobhead for my humble brag when parent frienda talking about dummies and I say my child didn't need one (not coz of anything I did he was just content). Oh God im a c*nt.

"Doesn't like taking drugs" Oh fuck off!!

An ex of mine was a member of the "I don't take pills" brigade. He'd flex over the most pathetic stuff though - he said he drank his coffee black, no sugar, as if that made him the pinnacle of Real Manhood 🙄🙄

I can't stand the woman I know that does the " I'm crazy I am, tell them! Tell them how crazy I am!" Like it's a good thing to be thought of as mentally Ill and unstable. And in reality her idea of crazy is over stepping boundaries, singing badly right into your face and "sexy" dancing after a sniff of gin and again insisting she's crazy. Yeah, you live laugh love hun, just do it away from me Debbie.

I've unfortunately got a younger sister that likes to brag about the size of her latest sex partners genitals. And it's a firm NO to seeing the pictures thanks. Although at the rate she goes through men I'd probably be better able to recognise them from their genitals than their faces as they all look like knock of variations of £1 shop Ken dolls 😂

Appeared on my facebook page one day from somebody I know 'Up at 4.30am tomorrow for a meeting in Paris. Early mornings, the downside of international work travel'. Only her sister had the nerve to say ' Stealth boast much?'

I am guilty of sometimes saying I'm tiny but I am more likely to say I'm a shortarse and other words to that effect. I'm not a total skinny malink just short and of average weight. Thinking about it when I do say it it's generally in response to someone who's already used that word. I often use it in terms of "But my mum was a little bird woman." I've never thought of it as a flexboast so from now on I'll be more aware of how boasty it might sound and stick to things like shortarse. I'd rather be a lot taller than I am, mostly because it would make clothes buying a lot easier.

Probably @rockychair boasting she has the same number of bedrooms as children 😂

None of my kids would take a dummy, the little buggers. One sucked his thumb for a bit though!

My mum used to humble brag about how I was such a good baby and slept through the night by about 4 weeks old. She would then marvel that my babies weren't the same.

My twin babies that were 4 weeks early. Born at a time when we didn't get five days in hospital to recover.

Thanks mum!

I work with someone who boasts about things in her department that are just SO standard lol.

“My department has a group Teams chat”.

“My department has a weekly team meeting” etc 😂

This was when she was loaned to my department for all of 2 weeks.

It's the use of 'tiny' that's the issue really. No one cares if you say you're short or thin or whatever. It's tiny and the Tinkerbell kind of image it evokes.

That her husband didn't see the point in saving money.

Lol, I love it when they keep count 😂

Boasting that they are blunt and just 'say it like it is' like that's a good thing - no it's rude and insensitive and shows a complete lack of self awareness !

Woman I used to work with. If the subject of childbirth came up she would always shoehorn in that she gave birth silently as "she didn't want to let herself down". Insinuating that those of us who had a bit of a scream or yell when pushing a little human out of our vaginas were somehow failing women everywhere.

Oh so many.

A relative who criticises everything as "ooh a bit too sweet". Or "it was nice at such and such - not too sweet.." as if she's some special case.

On mumsnet - the willowy stick thin children. And the competitive undereating.

Old people are the best. Sometimes they say things that I know from their expression they expect a response....but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say
Standards are "I'll be 80 next year" ...so you're 79 then.
Widowers "I do all my own cooking"...
My mum's neighbour told me she'd been married 60 (?) years and got a card from the Queen.....but first I had to guess...erm 50?
Women on TikTok...."lm 50!,"...er OK, I guessed 48 so that's about right
Aspiring couple on IG "Amazing house transformation "...wow, nice, loving the stairs, are you a carpenter? No we got someone in...
Yes we knocked down that wall ....er no, you didn't, you just borrowed/had some money and payed for an architect, a project manager, and various tradies. You did choose the splash back, and tiles and those prints and cushions.

@SerenaB12 I can't stop laughing at this 🤣🤣🤣

Oh the private school threads where " we went without foreign holidays and new cars!!" Well yes... like the majority of the population then...

Once after doing some DIY (not a euphemism), tape measure lying around - dh measured his penis. Then he rang his dm to tell he how proud he was of the result..
Very odd..
Now an exh.

Someone once boasted to me that her son, in Y1 so 5 or 6, needed to be collected early from school because he was going to
the dentist for his second filling. Like it was a badge of honour 😥

Someone bragging that they got a digital badge for editing a wikipedia page. Similar brag was top facebook fan (for liking the most posts by a local newspaper).

I don't follow. I had a big baby. I was embarrassed. Constantly felt like I had to make excuses. Felt like people thought I must have eaten pizza and chocolate day in and day out throughout pregnancy.

My DC is still 'big' and I feel like everyone looks at me and DH and think we feed them badly. The snarky remarks I've had have been really hurtful.

DC was always onto the next stage clothing and the next nappies. They're a 98th percentile baby - (now toddler) and all I've felt is judged and put down and like I'm to blame.

Why would having a big baby be something people boast about? Genuine question! This feels really parallel universe to me.

A friend constantly telling me that her kids are extremely bright, EXTREMELY bright. She then wants the harder homework sent to her so she can push them! It’s all relative.

People going on about exercise. It’s so boring. If you know you have a shared interest then obviously it’s different, but not everyone gives a shit about how far you can run, what your route was or how tight your calf muscle is.

I have had to completely stop seeing one friend as all she talks about is exercise, weight and food. It’s so depressing.

I seem to attract weirdo boasters.

One school mum complimented my long hair, I thanked her and she said "of course I love my kids too much to have long hair, all that work could be time spent with them". My jaw was on the floor. She had really short dyed red hair, I spend 30 seconds a day brushing mine and hadn't had a haircut in a decade 🤣

My old neighbour was always boasting as well, we had kids the same age and everything I said about mine hers had done it better, or faster, absolutely hilarious, I had fun for ages making shit up so she could outdo me. My favourite thing she ever did was tell me that she couldn't possibly have bought her dc cheaper nappies, my dc, of course, wouldn't be used to the finer things in life as I was a renter, but her dc had higher standards due to them being homeowners 🤣

A family member is also one of those people who say they have been to eleven-elite if you've been to Tenerife. Things he has said/done have included catching my period pains and having them worse, (apparently) talking to a gynological consultant in a pub one day and being told, beyond all doubt, that his headaches were far worse than any Labour pains anyone ever had (when i was pregnant) every qualification I've ever gained he has got it as well, but better and to a higher standard, despite it not being anything like his line of work.

Even my own mother (nc now) told me when I was 18, in labour, with a poorly baby, that she did labour better and I was being dramatic, she just had to put her hand on her stomach to feel contractions, then she buggered off for lunch with her posh friends daughter to slag me off for being pathetic when i was in active labour in a strage hospital miles from home. Then I was rushed straight to surgery after I had my baby so she stayed with him, I came round after my op and the first thing she said was that I missed the most important few hours of his life and she had them, and told me I failed at parenting already. She held that over me, even mentioning it to everyone at his funeral, until I stopped talking to her, she's probably still telling everyone to this day.

No idea why these people migrate to me really, if someone says they are better than me I just shrug and agree 🤣

I dont get the "I'm SO tiny" thing either. Um.... so you're really, really short?- congratulations I guess 🙄