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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask the most annoying/bizarre flex/boast you've heard?

701 replies

phonemouse · 31/03/2023 20:19

One that gets me is people boasting about how 'tiny' they are, but one that always makes me laugh is my MIL proudly mentioning on way more than one occasion how narrow SIL'a feet are like it's something really special 🤣🤣

OP posts:
Charlize43 · 31/03/2023 22:42

ChristmasCakeAndGin · 31/03/2023 22:30

You get into work and there's that person who has been in the office since 7, or 6 or whatever. Yeah but mate, you've been pissing about on Facebook or TikTok since then!

Reminds me of a colleague who said to the boss that she often wakes up several times during the night 'and checks her emails'. I felt like replying 'Why are you not doing any work during the day?'

Office competitiveness is sometimes so absurd, especially when you're not a life saving surgeon!

TeenLifeMum · 31/03/2023 22:43

My ex friend has 4 toilets which makes her superior to us 3-toilet beings don’t you know. She manages to drop it into any conversation with new people just to ensure they know she has a big house.

JamSandle · 31/03/2023 22:44

I always complain about having skinny wrists but it's because i really cannot wear most bracelets 🤣

JudgeJ · 31/03/2023 22:44

JudgeRudy · 31/03/2023 21:15

Old people are the best. Sometimes they say things that I know from their expression they expect a response....but I'm not sure what I'm supposed to say
Standards are "I'll be 80 next year" ...so you're 79 then.
Widowers "I do all my own cooking"...
My mum's neighbour told me she'd been married 60 (?) years and got a card from the Queen.....but first I had to guess...erm 50?
Women on TikTok...."lm 50!,"...er OK, I guessed 48 so that's about right
Aspiring couple on IG "Amazing house transformation "...wow, nice, loving the stairs, are you a carpenter? No we got someone in...
Yes we knocked down that wall ....er no, you didn't, you just borrowed/had some money and payed for an architect, a project manager, and various tradies. You did choose the splash back, and tiles and those prints and cushions.

Ditto some vacuous celebrity, or a woman who is married to a successful man eg footballer, showing of how she has done her Christmas decorations, every room she's made into a winter wonderland as well as the outside. In reality we know that she has paid a massive amount of money to some company to do it.

Charlize43 · 31/03/2023 22:45

ChristmasCakeAndGin · 31/03/2023 22:19

Guy I used to work with always used to "boast" about his teeny tiny girlfriend "so small she could fit in his pocket". He used to go on about how good they looked together because he was so BIG and she was so TINY.

I really wanted to say - no shite mate - you don't even look the same species!

Sounds like small dick energy.

PyongyangKipperbang · 31/03/2023 22:46

Ex friend (we play the old pantomime of two who cant stand each other pretending we are still friends if we run into each other with mutual friends), brags that she is "semi retired" at 50. Truth is she always resented having to work at all, her husband is absolutely sick of paying for her lifestyle of choice whilst contributing nothing financially to it....she works a few hours a week and keeps the money.

That said, no sympathy for him either, he has a choice to stay or leave/

britinnyc · 31/03/2023 22:47

People who brag about not owning a tv and not letting their kids watch tv when they all watch tv shows and movies on a laptop.

ChristmasCakeAndGin · 31/03/2023 22:47

I had the vaginal delivery vs c-section conversation with a friend. We had babies at the same time. She said "Oh of course I had a section so that I could still enjoy sex afterwards". I was 😮and I genuinely felt bad about myself for years because of it. What a horrible thing to say.

itwereallfields · 31/03/2023 22:47

Nivgor · 31/03/2023 22:10

Oh god both of my parents see having small feet as desirable. I'd forgotten about this particular foible until the other day mum asked what size ds1's feet were and when I told her both her and my dad were going "oh that's not bad, that's actually quite good, considering he's so tall". Like FFS, it's not good or bad, it's just what size his feet are. Fucking dipshit.

My mother couldn't wait for my (very tall) daughter's feet to reach size 1 when they were in primary so that she could weirdly boast about having size 1 feet when she started secondary school.

We're no contact and have been for years. It;s lovely.

MissingMoominMamma · 31/03/2023 22:49

DNAshelicase · 31/03/2023 21:35

There was a thread yesterday with multiple stealth boasts but my fave line was ‘two of my daughters have been Mary’ 😂😂😂😂

I saw that too. Mary generally has a non speaking part… 😬😂

ItsBeginningToScabOverNow · 31/03/2023 22:50

My mother has this thing around medical issues. No matter what you have/had done, hers has to be bigger/worse/more shocking to the doctor.

Every single conversation even slightly linked to talk of illness or hospital ends up with her telling many, many stories about her medical issues and how a doctor said she was the best patient or had the highest pain threshold they’d ever encountered etc.

itwereallfields · 31/03/2023 22:51

Oooh. Women who boast about having "given my DH a son".

Boak.

Blossomtoes · 31/03/2023 22:52

ChristmasCakeAndGin · 31/03/2023 22:47

I had the vaginal delivery vs c-section conversation with a friend. We had babies at the same time. She said "Oh of course I had a section so that I could still enjoy sex afterwards". I was 😮and I genuinely felt bad about myself for years because of it. What a horrible thing to say.

That’s absolutely awful. What does she think happens after a perfectly normal vaginal delivery? Does she really not know everything goes (more or less) back again?

JudgeJ · 31/03/2023 22:52

A friend who claims they never watch TV every time we speak - "I'd be perfectly happy if we didn't have a television..." - as it's somehow awful to do so.
10 minutes later she's talking about the programmes they've watched recently.

That's on a par with all the MNers who are scathing about the Daily Mail but know everything that's in it!

XenoBitch · 31/03/2023 22:52

ItsBeginningToScabOverNow · 31/03/2023 22:50

My mother has this thing around medical issues. No matter what you have/had done, hers has to be bigger/worse/more shocking to the doctor.

Every single conversation even slightly linked to talk of illness or hospital ends up with her telling many, many stories about her medical issues and how a doctor said she was the best patient or had the highest pain threshold they’d ever encountered etc.

I know far too many people like this. It is sad that they define their life by their medical conditions.

Saracen · 31/03/2023 22:52

My lovely late MIL had a weird thing about being slim. Or rather, about wearing a small dress size. Regardless of whether the dress actually fit! Like this:

MIL offered me a dress which didn't fit any of my SILs and invited me upstairs to try it on. I took one look at it and declared that it was far too small so there was no point trying it on. She said it was my size. "Hm. What size is it?" I asked suspiciously. "Ohhh... what size are you?" she replied evasively. "Sixteen," I said. "Yes," she said, "that's what size it is." 😂

Though I had an inkling she was fibbing, I agreed to humour her and try it on. Pencil dress with long sleeves which zipped up the back from the waist. I stepped in. We - she was assisting - were already in difficulties as it passed my knees. I protested. "No, we'll get it on!" she said cheerfully as she heaved it upwards.

When it came time to do up the zip, she called to one of my SILs to help hold the dress shut while she pulled the zip up. I was in fits of laughter by this stage, and told her to stop so we wouldn't ruin the dress. But SIL told me resistance was futile 😂and I submitted.

Damned if that determined woman didn't manage to do the dress up all the way! However, I could not breathe, or bend at the waist, or move my arms, which were also tightly stuffed into the sleeves. Nor could I walk except with teeny weeny little mincing steps, since my upper legs were effectively bound together. It was hilarious. Then I began to get claustrophobic, especially when I discovered she wanted to take a photo. I could only imagine how I looked. SIL helped me escape from the dress.

I looked at the label and pointed out it was a size four!!! MIL said, "Yes, and aren't you proud that you fit into a size four?" Then she went downstairs to brag to the extended family about how her son's new wife had been wearing a size four dress. Makes me laugh every time I remember it.

ChristmasCakeAndGin · 31/03/2023 22:53

People who state their kid's achievements like they were their own:
"We got an offer for medicine at Cambridge".

No mate - your daughter did! Unless of course you are planning to go with her.

PippaF2 · 31/03/2023 22:55

Rosemarypots · 31/03/2023 21:40

@PippaF2 the ones I remember from mat leave who did this positioned it in an alpha male sort of context - along the lines of "George is SUCH a long baby - he'll be an amazing cricketer like his daddy and probably need bespoke shoes". I don't think I'm quite capturing it, but it was a certain type of mum!

Ah I think I know what you mean - they're a big baby therefore will go on to be 'big man' and all powerful! Bit like 'my baby touched an abacus therefore is Einstein' type of boasting 😂

Thisismadness · 31/03/2023 22:58

I’m on a beauty group where women are obsessed with how pale they are. It’s like the ‘tiny’ thing, they are all, ghost like, practically blue, paler than pale, it’s competitive. They sometimes describe themselves as having alabaster or porcelain skin when all they mean is very white,

mishmased · 31/03/2023 22:58

Saracen · 31/03/2023 22:52

My lovely late MIL had a weird thing about being slim. Or rather, about wearing a small dress size. Regardless of whether the dress actually fit! Like this:

MIL offered me a dress which didn't fit any of my SILs and invited me upstairs to try it on. I took one look at it and declared that it was far too small so there was no point trying it on. She said it was my size. "Hm. What size is it?" I asked suspiciously. "Ohhh... what size are you?" she replied evasively. "Sixteen," I said. "Yes," she said, "that's what size it is." 😂

Though I had an inkling she was fibbing, I agreed to humour her and try it on. Pencil dress with long sleeves which zipped up the back from the waist. I stepped in. We - she was assisting - were already in difficulties as it passed my knees. I protested. "No, we'll get it on!" she said cheerfully as she heaved it upwards.

When it came time to do up the zip, she called to one of my SILs to help hold the dress shut while she pulled the zip up. I was in fits of laughter by this stage, and told her to stop so we wouldn't ruin the dress. But SIL told me resistance was futile 😂and I submitted.

Damned if that determined woman didn't manage to do the dress up all the way! However, I could not breathe, or bend at the waist, or move my arms, which were also tightly stuffed into the sleeves. Nor could I walk except with teeny weeny little mincing steps, since my upper legs were effectively bound together. It was hilarious. Then I began to get claustrophobic, especially when I discovered she wanted to take a photo. I could only imagine how I looked. SIL helped me escape from the dress.

I looked at the label and pointed out it was a size four!!! MIL said, "Yes, and aren't you proud that you fit into a size four?" Then she went downstairs to brag to the extended family about how her son's new wife had been wearing a size four dress. Makes me laugh every time I remember it.

This is so sweet, she sounds like a lovely lady.

JudgeJ · 31/03/2023 22:59

ChristmasCakeAndGin · 31/03/2023 22:53

People who state their kid's achievements like they were their own:
"We got an offer for medicine at Cambridge".

No mate - your daughter did! Unless of course you are planning to go with her.

I noticed this the other week when so many were getting het up about Grammar school offers, 'we got an offer for.........' .

Cornchip · 31/03/2023 23:00

An ex friend’s mum from my school years was the worst for this. They were a typical middle class family- owned their own detached home in the nicer part of town, both parents in “professional” jobs, two kids at a grammar school, went to the local golf club on weekends where the dad was a member, etc.

Even as a teen, everything that came out of her mouth was just complete bullshit. Constantly bragging about weird shit, like the ornaments in their house and how expensive they were. The constant golf club brags (this was a local club, it wasn’t a famous course- certainly not exclusive at all).

She always tried to put me down when I was at the house. Constant digs about results of exams etc, which always confused me because I always did better than her daughter. I didn’t really get into it because I was a guest and didn’t want to be rude. I was young and timid.

Until one day we were driving to a hobby and something inside me snapped. She was wittering on about her daughter’s (we’ll call her Jane) history test result. How she had got the best in the class and even though the result wasn’t great it was still better than everyone else’s. She stupidly asked me what I’d got (clearly wanted to lord it over me how much better Jane’s was). Except I’d got 93% and I stopped covering for her, so I just told her.

Well, that was a fun 20 minute car journey after that. You could tell she was so fucked off. 1. At her daughter lying to her, and 2. That I’d clearly embarrassed her.

Friendship didn’t last long after that. Jane was as much of a nasty, bullying weasel as her mum is. Apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Museya15 · 31/03/2023 23:01

We get the headache ones come into a and e, you ask them if they've taken anything for the pain, they say no, they don't believe in taking tablets and they'd rather have a scan. At that point my blood pressure is above 200!

Isittimeformynapyet · 31/03/2023 23:02

A friend of mine can't hear sweet foods mentioned without reminding everyone that she hasn't got a sweet tooth (nor did I when I drank as much as she does!)

Likewise people who insist they never use salt in their cooking. Well done you, well done.

XenoBitch · 31/03/2023 23:04

A friend of mine can't hear sweet foods mentioned without reminding everyone that she hasn't got a sweet tooth (nor did I when I drank as much as she does!)

I know someone like that too. Any time chocolate comes out, or is mentioned, you have to be told that she has not eaten it since the early 90s.