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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask the most annoying/bizarre flex/boast you've heard?

701 replies

phonemouse · 31/03/2023 20:19

One that gets me is people boasting about how 'tiny' they are, but one that always makes me laugh is my MIL proudly mentioning on way more than one occasion how narrow SIL'a feet are like it's something really special 🤣🤣

OP posts:
WifeOfTiresias · 03/04/2023 17:15

WhenDovesFly · 31/03/2023 21:14

Woman I used to work with. If the subject of childbirth came up she would always shoehorn in that she gave birth silently as "she didn't want to let herself down". Insinuating that those of us who had a bit of a scream or yell when pushing a little human out of our vaginas were somehow failing women everywhere.

Was she a Scientologist?

MultipleVeganPies · 03/04/2023 17:20

@LovelyIssues · Yesterday 21:53

My friend who constantly points out out how small she is and how tiny her feet are. I'm 5"4, a size 8 and size 4 feet. So fairly average. She makes out I'm huge lol!

—-//—-

poor you, it’s tough out there for us big girls, don’t let her get to you and just angrily shake you massive thighs and stomp your huge feet at her xx

DahliasEverywhere · 03/04/2023 17:42

girlmuma · 31/03/2023 22:29

A colleague at work boasting, 'I just have to look at my husband and I'm pregnant'. Just sounded weird.

That’s happened to me a few times, usually just after I’ve said both my kids were ivf.

BarnacleNora · 03/04/2023 18:27

Oh god I did the fat baby thing. Never in front of people who were worried about their baby's size or feeding, I'm not a complete monster. And it was mainly to laugh at him. The kid was made of circles, he looked like he'd been put together out of play dough by a nursery child. I had to order a special car seat for him from Sweden because he was literally too fat to fit into uk ones and be rear facing. I didn't realise this could be annoying. People seemed to find him similarly hilarious the poor fat circular thing.

Birth with no intervention really ground my gears. Yes, feel proud, feel like you've done something brilliant with your body. But do NOT start telling me that bodies are 'made for birth' and we just need to 'listen to them and follow our natural urges without intervention because women have been doing this for centuries' or whatever other gentle/natural/hypno birth mantra you've got going on. Good for you that your baby and pelvis aligned to make it all happen. If I'd followed that advice me and my baby would have died. Just like women used to, in great numbers, for centuries, until obstretic medicine advanced.

ReneBumsWombats · 03/04/2023 18:33

women have been doing this for centuries' or whatever other gentle/natural/hypno birth mantra you've got going on

Ha ha, yes. Doing what? Dying in childbirth? Too fucking true.

SpaghettifingerFusillitoe · 03/04/2023 19:26

Ah yes I forgot the ‘what do you think people did before formula’ unsolicited queries as I ff my newborn. I just cried at the time but wish I’d been together enough to reply ‘reluctantly accepted high levels of infant mortality’. I tried so incredibly hard to breastfeed, I ended up on medication that gave me heart palpitations and it still just did not click.

CameltoeParkerBowles · 03/04/2023 20:20

MultipleVeganPies · 01/04/2023 15:18

The feet thing has pursued me all my life

my aunt has tiny feet, as did my mother. Slim ankles and dainty feet is apparently the thing all women should wish for, it’s the holy grail of femininity

then along came giant baby me, growing into a six ft woman with size 8 feet, the horror!

mum even took me to see a Specialist to predict my adult height and foot size 😁 , after a bone scan they said I’d probably grow to be just over 6ft

gosh the number of times women have compared themselves to me, putting their dainty feet next to my size 8 ones and exclaiming loudly about the difference haha, especially a few of my young female colleagues who all flexed about their tiny feet and general tiny-ness 🥲

I am sick of the female “dainty ideal”. Took me to age 40 to properly own my height, size, shoe size and not feel self conscious 😁 now I happily stomp around in my big boots

I was at a water park with a dainty (and beautiful) friend thirty years ago, and she kept pushing her sweet, little feet up against my big, size 8 plates, and saying, "Look at your feet compared with mine!". Eventually, I snapped (didn't fart), and said, huffily, "Yes. Well done. You're small and I'm big." She was quite shocked - hadn't realised how annoying I found it. Nowadays I probably wouldn't care, though...

ReneBumsWombats · 03/04/2023 20:25

Size 8 feet on a six foot woman sound pretty small to me...

softarrows · 03/04/2023 20:53

honeylulu · 02/04/2023 14:08

then you meet said rugby warrior & they’re just a regular fat guy with mangled ears LOL yes. Someone I know posted a pic of her "gorgeous (rugby player) husband" on FB and some wag commented "is your gorgeous husband hiding behind that fat bald bloke?" Ouch.

My aunt completely unironically refers to her husband as '21 stone of pure muscle'. He's so fat she puts his shoes on for him! I can only admire her commitment to idolising her husband!

LicoricePizza · 03/04/2023 22:00

QueenBragger · 03/04/2023 14:30

I've been on this thread already but name changed for this post as it's identifying.

My mother is the Queen of all braggers and this was displayed best when she and I went on a cruise for her 70th birthday. It was her first cruise and she felt the need to over brag to explain why she hadn't been on a cruise before.

We came across another accomplished bragger called 'Maria' and my mother started the conversation explaining that she hadn't been able to cruise before, what with her ponies and show-bred whippets. There followed the most bizarre exchange of bragging, including the fact I'm a doctor, and culminating in Maria exclaiming 'well we've got a deck nine cabin with a balcony' 😂😂

My mother has also managed to seamlessly get into an unrelated sentence that her handbag is the same as Carole Middleton's. Honestly, the skill is mind blowing.

This made me LOL - “another accomplished bragger” 🤣

Thepossibility · 03/04/2023 22:14

I can't stop thinking about the small head brag. Surely you wouldn't want to draw attention to a potentially smaller brain? I would think head is one thing you want to be average sized?

itwereallfields · 03/04/2023 22:23

I made the mistake of going to a baby signing class with my perfectly lovely and ordinary 10 month old.

The class teacher and some rando class member started getting into a one-upmanship of epic proportions about how gifted and talented their older toddlers were.

It culminated with them literally shrieking things like:

"Hermione is so intelligent because I ate so much fish when I was pregnant"

"Well I eat fish EVERY DAY"

"Cleo can speak semi-fluent Spanish"

(I'm thinking well my toddler knows hola from watching Dora, does that count in any way?)

Most ridiculous thing I've ever witnessed. Just sit the fuck down and teach us the pointless baby signing.

No, I never went back after the once.

RandomCatGenerator · 03/04/2023 22:50

Well said @ReneBumsWombats and @BarnacleNora. I have several friends whose babies have died in childbirth or shortly afterwards as a result of birth injuries. I have tokophobia. I’ll take all the meds thanks. I’m not disparaging women who do it without pain relief - to me, it feels like they’ve chosen to run a marathon and that’s an amazing physical thing. But don’t tell me that I’m lesser than you because I’m not doing it.

I think some of the weirdest brags I’ve seen have been on this thread - cervix of an 18 year old virgin? Tandem feeding two babies over the age of three on the bus? Gosh.

(not meant to be snarky!)

AngryBirdsNoMore · 03/04/2023 22:53

SpaghettifingerFusillitoe · 03/04/2023 19:26

Ah yes I forgot the ‘what do you think people did before formula’ unsolicited queries as I ff my newborn. I just cried at the time but wish I’d been together enough to reply ‘reluctantly accepted high levels of infant mortality’. I tried so incredibly hard to breastfeed, I ended up on medication that gave me heart palpitations and it still just did not click.

💐I had a similarly very difficult and very stressful breastfeeding experience. Felt like a failure for not being able to do it - and was made to feel worse by people on here insisting that formula is basically fast food and I’m just not trying hard enough!

AngryBirdsNoMore · 03/04/2023 22:54

SiliconHeaven · 03/04/2023 13:30

When I was doing my PGCE I struggled with behaviour management a lot, I remember telling my FIL about it one day, he told me that when he had done his teacher training he’d been very good at that bit.
He taught kids cycling proficiency as part of his council safety officer job 🫤

Haha!

EnoughEnoughnow · 03/04/2023 23:09

I overheard a colleague (who is a piece of work!) praise our new office junior. She told her she was incredibly hardworking, organised, had great attention to detail, took initiative etc and then said loudly “You’re just like a little mini version of me!”

ColdHandsHotHead · 03/04/2023 23:10

JudgeJ · 31/03/2023 22:52

A friend who claims they never watch TV every time we speak - "I'd be perfectly happy if we didn't have a television..." - as it's somehow awful to do so.
10 minutes later she's talking about the programmes they've watched recently.

That's on a par with all the MNers who are scathing about the Daily Mail but know everything that's in it!

THIS!

Alwaysintheway · 04/04/2023 00:06

Women i know boasts constantly, everything is always worse or better than everyone else.
For example talking of illness, "no but I mean literally painful, i get it really bad"or
child selected for something " but it was out of only a few and so difficult to get chosen", or
my kids worry so much about me if I'm not home they wait on my bed for me to come home. (Kids are grown up).
Also boasts about being more informed about other people personally.
The list is exhausting and endless. I have to bite my tongue but it's very difficult not to be spikey to her.

Emotionalstorm · 04/04/2023 03:43

People at work boasting about how hard they've worked and trying to one up each other.

E.g.

Person A - I worked all weekend

Person B - well once I slept under the desk and took a week's worth of clothes with me on Monday and left on Saturday.

Even if you win the victim Olympics you've still lost.

Twinsforthewin · 04/04/2023 07:44

Rosemarypots · 31/03/2023 20:47

Love this Grin

Show quote history

It's brilliant. Love the idea they've "done" the play and that's it. Picturing Ian McKellen, Derek Jacobi, Kenneth Branagh etc just booming at each other in their best RADA voices.

"Merchant of Venice? Did it for O-level, darling, so one should direct.... I'm more advanced, after all"

PussBilledDuckyPlait · 04/04/2023 07:48

Verv · 03/04/2023 12:53

A guy spent about 10 minutes showing off about his Casio watch.
Waterproof, kept perfect time, and just proved that any watch worth more than 25 quid was for insecure wankers who had to show their wealth through their wrists because they didnt have what it took to be a real man.

I work in the luxury watch industry.
The only thing he managed to prove was his radical insecurity and the size of the chip on his shoulder.

He's got a point about watches, though. A £25 watch is perfectly adequate. It's a bit of a stretch to say that everyone who has a luxury watch is wearing it as a status symbol, but some most certainly are.

IsaiditwasLighthearted · 04/04/2023 09:13

sashh · 02/04/2023 07:04

I've just remembered. My aunt went on her first holiday abroad and sent us a postcard (1980s) she said how the weather was nice and the food was amazing.

She was self catering.

Maybe she went out to local places to eat?

Or maybe she meant the local ingredients she bought to make her meals were amazing. I know when I first travelled to Europe and had things like locally grown fruit and veg with so much more flavour I thought it was delicious and wonderful.

IsaiditwasLighthearted · 04/04/2023 09:42

SacreBleugh · 02/04/2023 20:50

There's someone in my book group who tells us all at some point on book group evenings that she weighs 9 stone 2. EVERY FUCKING TIME.

Could you run a book with the other members on what time she will say it. And then shout Bingo! Who had 8.25pm you've won a scone! Grin

ReneBumsWombats · 04/04/2023 09:43

The book club could read Bridget Jones' Diary. See what she does every time Bridget records her weight.

NotAnotherBathBomb · 04/04/2023 11:03

DNAshelicase · 31/03/2023 21:35

There was a thread yesterday with multiple stealth boasts but my fave line was ‘two of my daughters have been Mary’ 😂😂😂😂

I screamed over that one 😂