Page 25 | To ask the most annoying/bizarre flex/boast you've heard?

PelvicFlora · 03/04/2023 10:19

phonemouse · 31/03/2023 20:19

One that gets me is people boasting about how 'tiny' they are, but one that always makes me laugh is my MIL proudly mentioning on way more than one occasion how narrow SIL'a feet are like it's something really special 🤣🤣

Lol. My MIL is like this about her 'thin ankles'. When I first met her she was going on about it and I could tell it irritated her that my ankles were thinner than hers!

Such a weird thing to give a shit about.

Mammyloveswine · 03/04/2023 10:30

Ahahaha I'm reminded of the time my friend said to me that she had serious concerns about her 7 month old baby...me "why?!". "Because she's so advanced I think she might get bullied at school..." she was serious. Apparently her baby could take her own socks off...

Same friend on discussing child's difficult behaviour...me "I know but they all act like that at times (relaying story about my own child of a similar age).." friend "but your child has "needs"... erm he has an ASD diagnosis but he's also a 6 year old and 6 year olds can just be dicks!

I used to have people concerned breastfeeding meant I had no idea how much my babies were getting... my babies were huge with squishy rolls so I did used ti retort that I had gold top milk and I was quite sure my baby was getting enough!

Mammyloveswine · 03/04/2023 10:35

Also the friend in her late 30s who boasts about how irresistible she is to men... sat having a coffee and she'll say "god it's so embarrassing having all these men checking me out when they are literally with their wives"... reader, no one is checking her out..

CruCru · 03/04/2023 10:48

Yes! I have had two friends (when I was in my twenties) who went on and on about how incredibly attractive to men they were. I mean, yeah they were pretty. But it got really boring really fast.

MuchuseasaChocolateTeapot · 03/04/2023 10:51

LicoricePizza · 03/04/2023 07:01

Presumably if @Twinsmummy1812 had had her kids as she says through the sunroof ie C section maybe nurse was saying hence why her cervix looks like that of an 18 yr old virgin’s. ie no kids been through it. Obvs quite funny chat sounding worse when taken out of context. Twinsmummy clearly wasn’t offended by it! TBF it is a good brag bcos nobody has ever heard of or can top it really 🤣

I had a nurse tell me she could see the scars from pre cancerous treatment on mine & v helpfully that it was retroverted. So they do comment on them.
Not something I shoehorn into conversation however although the next time the tiny feet, wrist & ankle folk pipe up, I might start bemoaning the angle of my uterus 🤣

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Sorry, didn’t mean to cause confusion. It was the nurse at my local GP’s practice who is lovely. I have a tilted uterus and apparently a very tight cervix, she gave up in the end after many attempts and me in all positions. The humour helped a bit! I had to go to the colposcopy clinic, where I fainted after a rough doctor had an attempt, so not a fun time but that comment has stuck with me. At least part of me is like an 18 year old virgin!

my children were indeed born by caesarean, might have been better for me if they weren’t!

@DrFoxtrot that’s hilarious! Literally no dignity being a woman in a gynaecology situation!

georgarina · 03/04/2023 11:25

People who only like the taste of plain water and act like having squash or flavouring is a moral failure.

Nimrode · 03/04/2023 12:23

IsaiditwasLighthearted · 03/04/2023 00:50

Xenia? The famous MN lawyer? Might be her. I always feel the urge to do that finger twirling cuckoo thing when I see her name.

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Whatifitallgoesright · 03/04/2023 12:41

DrFoxtrot · 03/04/2023 01:07

my cervix was described as 'well used' during a smear test.

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My cervix was described as 'shy'. How I laughed recalling (vaguely) all those one-night stands.....

Softsoftsleep · 03/04/2023 12:45

Rainbowmama2023 · 02/04/2023 20:31

Just want to say that I truly believe every mother should be proud of her birth and how she brought her baby into the world

But since being pregnant and being around new mums it seems like those who gave birth without pain relief like to brag about that. At first it never used to bother me but I feel like some mums wear it like a badge of honour. Of course you should be proud of your birth, drugs or not. I just didn’t realise it was such a thing. I’m 35 weeks pregnant and get told by mums who gave birth without pain relief “do you think you’ll need pain relief? I didn’t, I bossed my way through it unlike some people”

Bet they were guzzling the gas and air though and never mention it!

Verv · 03/04/2023 12:53

A guy spent about 10 minutes showing off about his Casio watch.
Waterproof, kept perfect time, and just proved that any watch worth more than 25 quid was for insecure wankers who had to show their wealth through their wrists because they didnt have what it took to be a real man.

I work in the luxury watch industry.
The only thing he managed to prove was his radical insecurity and the size of the chip on his shoulder.

QueenLagertha · 03/04/2023 13:12

@Rainbowmama2023 a friend of mine constantly banged on about her birth , how she has a high threshold, didn't need pain relief. A few months later I she forgot herself and mentioned the diamorphine shot she'd had 😂 so bizarre lying about something like that.

my second labour was so fast there was no time for pain relief. I did tell mums about it at a baby group but that it certainly wasn't my choice and I much preferred my first birth when I had diamorphine and gas&air.

SiliconHeaven · 03/04/2023 13:30

When I was doing my PGCE I struggled with behaviour management a lot, I remember telling my FIL about it one day, he told me that when he had done his teacher training he’d been very good at that bit.
He taught kids cycling proficiency as part of his council safety officer job 🫤

hookiewookie29 · 03/04/2023 13:49

Whatifitallgoesright · 03/04/2023 12:41

My cervix was described as 'shy'. How I laughed recalling (vaguely) all those one-night stands.....

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I once had an internal scan and the gynaecologist described my womb as 'very photogenic '.....🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

lv884 · 03/04/2023 14:01

SiliconHeaven · 03/04/2023 13:30

When I was doing my PGCE I struggled with behaviour management a lot, I remember telling my FIL about it one day, he told me that when he had done his teacher training he’d been very good at that bit.
He taught kids cycling proficiency as part of his council safety officer job 🫤

😁 Fellow teacher here. We all love “They behave for me” - in its various guises.

mikado1 · 03/04/2023 14:06

Laughing at this thread, and not always at the braggers! 😉

QueenBragger · 03/04/2023 14:30

I've been on this thread already but name changed for this post as it's identifying.

My mother is the Queen of all braggers and this was displayed best when she and I went on a cruise for her 70th birthday. It was her first cruise and she felt the need to over brag to explain why she hadn't been on a cruise before.

We came across another accomplished bragger called 'Maria' and my mother started the conversation explaining that she hadn't been able to cruise before, what with her ponies and show-bred whippets. There followed the most bizarre exchange of bragging, including the fact I'm a doctor, and culminating in Maria exclaiming 'well we've got a deck nine cabin with a balcony' 😂😂

My mother has also managed to seamlessly get into an unrelated sentence that her handbag is the same as Carole Middleton's. Honestly, the skill is mind blowing.

lv884 · 03/04/2023 14:42

QueenBragger · 03/04/2023 14:30

I've been on this thread already but name changed for this post as it's identifying.

My mother is the Queen of all braggers and this was displayed best when she and I went on a cruise for her 70th birthday. It was her first cruise and she felt the need to over brag to explain why she hadn't been on a cruise before.

We came across another accomplished bragger called 'Maria' and my mother started the conversation explaining that she hadn't been able to cruise before, what with her ponies and show-bred whippets. There followed the most bizarre exchange of bragging, including the fact I'm a doctor, and culminating in Maria exclaiming 'well we've got a deck nine cabin with a balcony' 😂😂

My mother has also managed to seamlessly get into an unrelated sentence that her handbag is the same as Carole Middleton's. Honestly, the skill is mind blowing.

This is the excellent. Funnily enough, my mother blames her pride and joy, her landscaped garden, for her not having long holidays…

ChesterDraws4Sale · 03/04/2023 15:55

A woman at work, senior management position, age 50ish, brags that she doesn’t read/watch the news.

Whenever one of us mentions something topical she simpers ‘Oh, I don’t keep up with news, far too depressing, if there’s something I need to know my husband will tell me’

Apart from this she seems quite intelligent.

Bleachmycloths · 03/04/2023 16:04

A propos the bragging cruise lady - Thank goodness I’m old enough now to tell the truth ( mostly 😊). If I’m asked if we are going on holiday I can say “No, we can’t afford it this year” or “Only a caravan this year.”
When I was younger I would be embarrassed.
However, I am not an inverted snob. I hate inverted snobbery even more than snobbery.
These days I find boastful people tiresome, funny or sad.

Bleachmycloths · 03/04/2023 16:07

Mammyloveswine · 03/04/2023 10:35

Also the friend in her late 30s who boasts about how irresistible she is to men... sat having a coffee and she'll say "god it's so embarrassing having all these men checking me out when they are literally with their wives"... reader, no one is checking her out..

That is so funny! How do you keep a straight face??

Tidsleytiddy · 03/04/2023 16:18

ChesterDraws4Sale · 03/04/2023 15:55

A woman at work, senior management position, age 50ish, brags that she doesn’t read/watch the news.

Whenever one of us mentions something topical she simpers ‘Oh, I don’t keep up with news, far too depressing, if there’s something I need to know my husband will tell me’

Apart from this she seems quite intelligent.

Yep. Had that one. Someone at work thought it was some sort of virtue not to be up to speed with current affairs. Lived in its own little world of ignorance and loved it

Puppyseahorse · 03/04/2023 16:23

I don’t take holidays. Oh, it’s a bank holiday soon? I had no idea. (Usually said by Americans).

I have a really high pain tolerance. I’m actually looking forward to childbirth, I want to see how well I can do!

cringe cringe cringe.

CameltoeParkerBowles · 03/04/2023 16:34

lv884 · 31/03/2023 21:39

I really love “I haven’t had a day off since _” sorts. Who also come into work when looking contagious.

Oh dear, I do that one (but I WFH if contagious) 😳
To add to the 'I'm so tiny' boasters, a friend of mine is quite short, but not thin or anything. She takes any available opportunity to tell stories about her young days when apparently she WAS "teeny- tiny". Her husband is a very good cook, so she combines two brags in one - "I eat like a queen [sigh] ... I guess I'll never be a size six again [tinkly laugh]."

OllytheCollie · 03/04/2023 17:05

The 'I can't drink that because of all the sweeteners in it' and 'I can't eat that because of the palm oil' brigade at work who still rock up with a Boots meal deal containing a drink full of sweeteners and a flapjack full of palm oil.

They're like vegans with the brains taken out and I can't be doing with it.

DerekFaker · 03/04/2023 17:11

LovelyIssues · 02/04/2023 21:53

My friend who constantly points out out how small she is and how tiny her feet are. I'm 5"4, a size 8 and size 4 feet. So fairly average. She makes out I'm huge lol!

🙄