To ask a mum to keep her kids quiet on the train?

[Wiennetta]

I specifically booked a seat on a quiet carriage as I’m working on a 4 hour train journey (as are most people in the carriage, or reading, snoozing etc). Next to me on the other side of the aisle is a mum with a two year old who is watching his iPad on full volume. He has been running around up and down the aisle with another child, shouting, screaming and so on.

I was trying to concentrate on something, listening on my headphones and politely asked the mum if they could keep it down - at this point the kid was literally next to my seat, in the aisle, jumping up and down and shouting. She just said, ‘he’s two, what do you expect me to do?’

I mean they’re kids, they’re little, they’re bored. But AIBU I thinking the parents should at least try and moderate their behaviour, remind them to be quiet, try and get them to sit down and do something a bit calmer? Even if it’s not always successful?

Or preferably not book the bloody quiet carriage.

@sewexe - what you have said is totally reasonable. There is just a section of society who choose not to, or cannot, get their act together in a public space. That person is usually self centered and likes to imagine that it's fine.

10 years ago people did not play music, speak loudly on the phone or broadcast themselves. It's egotistical. The children aren't at fault but the parent is.

Same applies in restaurants with children. It's down to the parent.

We didn't have these issues a generation ago because people were more considerate of each other. That is what your post is about, it's not wrong, and it's true. The world is not all about us. When we share public facilities like a train, we take account of others.

My response would have been "gag him and strap him to his seat. please."

Fair enough. I am not a fan of people playing their terrible music on the bus/train/beach, so I can understand why others wouldn’t like a Disney movie.

But I do believe we are, as a society, incredibly intolerant of children and I find that really very sad.

"10 years ago people did not play music, speak loudly on the phone or broadcast themselves. "

"We didn't have these issues a generation ago because people were more considerate of each other. "

Really? So no boom boxes in the 80s of course. No Sony Walkman thumping in the next seat on the bus. Granted it's only 30 plus years since there was no/few mobiles so people couldn't talk loudly. And no one complained about their neighbours' parties/choice of music/inability to talk in moderated tones in all of history.

Granted it's only been the last 10 years that people ensure that each and every child has their own ipad or whatever because simply reading a book or colouring isn't sufficient entertainment.

I love Disney movies and children! But the sound of anything coming out of a device in public is awful. The tinniness of it is the unbearable part, even if it's music or films I like. The pitch is just enraging.

Lorrymum · 31/03/2023 16:21
What exactly is a quiet coach?”

Clue’s in the name. Signs up telling passengers to respect others and not make unnecessary noise.

Are you in the UK?

It's an interesting social phenomenon btw. People love to draw attention to themselves by broadcasting phone calls, music, or films in public spaces. On a train, somebody who does this saying "my needs are more important" which is basically antisocial.

Considerate people don't do this, but if you have someone who is say, speaking on speakerphone at the top of their voice in a public place like a train, then socially, they are just telling everyone they are socially dominant.

Why they do it another matter - badly raised, rude, looking for conflict, but basically no actual good reason

I know that woman!

The worst part was not understanding her conversation as it at least would have been a diversion to the boredom!

No it wouldn't, neither is acceptable

I once got on a train in Manchester to Cornwall, so a very long journey. A chavvy mum got on with her three children between the ages of 3 and about 10. They kept getting up and walking down the aisle which to be honest didnt bother me. What did bother me was the mum keep shouting at them to F-ing sit down every two minutes. I thought Oh never mind they will be getting off soon only to hear the mum shout "I hope I am not having this all the F -ing way to Penzance. My heart dropped as did the man sitting next to me, as soon as the train started to empty we went to another carriage. In my experience its always the parents who are the problem the kids were just bored and werent really being a bother. It was her foul language and shouting that was the problem

YANBU.

I cannot understand people using their mobiles or causing a nuisance in the Quiet Coach. They have access to other carriages to be a complete pain in the arse with their phones etc. I always point out coach C is unreserved seating so they can go and be a pain to their hearts content in that carriage instead!

If you book seats you can get the quiet coach even if you don't want it. If you are travelling with a few children plus bags you might not fancy going on a trip round the train to see if you can find seats together.

I never mind kids on public transport or their ipads with Peppa Pig or Disney, the drunken adults swearing and shouting should be banned if my opinion.

This may surprise you but much like adults all children are not the same.

Yep this works for my daughter, for my son? On a long journey? Not a chance. He also didn't and doesn't desperately love screentime, he WANTS to be constantly active. Not all children are the same and I too might be smug if I'd only had my daughter. Also a generation ago kids didn't get taken on long journeys, they went to restaurants less etc, even before having my own kids I prefer the culture now where kids get to exist more openly not afraid of a clip round the ear of they breathe too loudly. Adults who can't tolerate a bit of noise from a kid and won't wear earphones or whatever thselves with their fully developed adult brains and sense of reasoning but expect a toddler or otherwise small child to tolerate headphones are precious and entitled.

It's not "entitled" to expect the quiet coach to be quiet.

I went on long journeys and to restaurants as a kid. One of my first memories is being on a plane. And you can get big comfy padded over-ear headphones that most little ones can and do tolerate just fine, obviously not all of them! Again, plenty of people don't mind child-related noise - talking, playing, laughing, singing, crying and tantrumming (it's inevitable) but do object to devices playing on loudspeaker in public places which is not inevitable or necessary or excusable. I don't subscribe to children being seen and not heard or getting a clip round the ear. I do object to tinny music and movies blaring out of phones and tablets.

My son doesn't use headphones now because he plays games on silent as can read most instructions so it's not a big deal for us Both kids around 1-1.5 have at times needed a cartoon to calm down if overtired on short bus journeys where it's not been safe for me to lift them out as getting off in a couple of stops and been very unhappy about anything on their head at that age and believe me you'd rather have some quiet lullabies than either of them full tilt screaming at that age. It's the idea that not all kids will tolerate them but still the expecting the child in front of you at all times to tolerate them that's bonkers to me.

I took babies and toddlers on buses all the time as I didn't drive, pre-smartphones so watching a cartoon wasn't an option, headphones or not. I totally understand how hard it is. I don't think playing things off devices in public is ever ok though.

Forgoodnesssake, your attitude is unbelievably entitled, you are now saying you want your fellow passengers to wear headphones, to block out your kids electronic devices?

Grinandvomit, so your kids don't wear wooly hats in the winter?

I have been watching this thread with interest. I am not for one minute advocating a return to the days of children being seen and not heard but there are increasing numbers of people who seem to think that , because their children are the centre of their world, everyone else should look on fondly and pander to their every whim too. It is all about the rights of the child. The adults in the Quiet Coach of all places should take it on the chin. It is an extremely entitled point of view. I have three children, all grown up. The oldest is autistic. We used to travel by public transport regularly when they were small. I would never have allowed them to disrupt other people in a public space this way. Of course it was before iPads and smartphones but it seems seems some parents use these devices as a babysitter, whether they interfere with other people or not. We have no idea what goes on in strangers’ lives. They might have just had some devastating news and the appearance of a badly behaved child is the last straw. I like children. Not only do I have my own children but I have taught music to children for nearly forty years. However, this thread reminds me of why I like to go on holiday in early September.

And the equating of an intolerance of children, with an intolerance of Peppa pig noise on public transport, is just ridiculous. I love kids, especially mine, I just don't inflict them on other people.

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