To ask a mum to keep her kids quiet on the train?

[Wiennetta]

I specifically booked a seat on a quiet carriage as I’m working on a 4 hour train journey (as are most people in the carriage, or reading, snoozing etc). Next to me on the other side of the aisle is a mum with a two year old who is watching his iPad on full volume. He has been running around up and down the aisle with another child, shouting, screaming and so on.

I was trying to concentrate on something, listening on my headphones and politely asked the mum if they could keep it down - at this point the kid was literally next to my seat, in the aisle, jumping up and down and shouting. She just said, ‘he’s two, what do you expect me to do?’

I mean they’re kids, they’re little, they’re bored. But AIBU I thinking the parents should at least try and moderate their behaviour, remind them to be quiet, try and get them to sit down and do something a bit calmer? Even if it’s not always successful?

Or preferably not book the bloody quiet carriage.

@GrinAndVomit just start your own thread asking how to deal with the 3 kids you chose to have on public transport. You can dictate on the responses to your posts from there

I managed to travel no problem with my kids when they were this age because I kept them busy. It was hard work with no rest for me. Now I see many selfish parents who just want to do their own thing whilst leaving their kids to annoy others. There is little respect now for other people. I would have told the train manager but they might no be going through the train. Otherwise tell her to parent her child and stop the kid making noise. Tell her to shut up or you will make a complaint about her anti social behaviour. If there’s a Twitter account for the train you could put it there in real time

Yes. I'm not trying to be harsh with you. I may not be coming across that way I intend - sorry. 💐
I don't use electronics to entertain, soothe etc. They are not mandatory. We didn't have them, right? We interacted with our parents and were taught how to sit still and be quiet (not silent). We had quiet toys, books and snacks. We played quietly, quiet games. I feel for you and I sense your stress. That's why I'd consider driving if you think it might be too much to handle.

Alert the guard.
Have them deal with the noisy passengers in your quiet carriage.
At the very least, your extra fare should be refunded.

@GrinAndVomit I also think you've had a rough ride on here. I would also have struggled with DS at that specific age of just-walking but pre-verbal, and on a train.

Is it possible to time the journey for nap time? I reckon I'd have tried to get mine off to sleep in a buggy on the way, or put him there with a dummy or whatever on the journey and see if he'd nap with me rocking. Then the older ones can watch Disney on headphones while he slept?

Then when he wakes up he has a big snack, stands on your knee, you can do some jumping type of games like that, and maybe he does walk up and down the aisle a bit? Then he gets his duplo and builds a tower on the table... I appreciate he's not into crayons yet but maybe some lift the flap books and a new toy - e.g. Little cars he can push around on the table if he is into movement?

You've not been keen on the 'buy headphones' type of responses so maybe money is really tight - in which case I apologise for suggesting buying stuff, and maybe that means it is too hard to go right now.

@sewexe is ridiculously mean by the way, ignore it.

A beanie hat with inbuilt headphones may be just the thing for kids who won't wear headphones, they're great!

Thank you for your kind and considerate reply. You’ve actually read and taken on board my specific situation and responded accordingly.

As you say, it’s just this specific age. He’s found his feet and has a sudden, and irrepressible urge for freedom and independence.

I’m sure in a few more months he’ll be much easier to placate with an activities, games and talking. The other two went through the same phase, came out of the other side and are now lovely company.

I’ve cancelled the trip for this week and won’t be using public transport until he either tolerates having things on his head or will be entertained by quieter activities.

I really appreciate your reply.

Thank you. Ordinarily I would drive but I don’t have the car this weekend for the journey there.
The kids are a dream in the car. No iPads. We don’t even have to have kids songs on. They’re happy to listen to normal music, chat and look out of the window. The toddler falls asleep within minutes because he is strapped in and contained and it’s nothing new or exciting.

Ah well. Public transport is just not for us at this time.

They won’t do anything, they’re too afraid to get involved. I did a 2 hour journey with 2 lads running up & down, playing loud music, & drinking cans of beer.

I don’t have a huge amount of sympathy when people say the train company has placed them in the quiet coach without their knowledge. I travel on long distance trains a lot, using a variety of operators, and each and every time I have access to a seat map before finalising the booking and the ability to change seats (which I often do so I can sit near the luggage/ rack door or sit across from DH rather than next to).

if you have special seating requirements like a child that needs a lot of space or to sit right next to a parent, surely you would check and take action appropriately?

I don’t think younger children should be assigned seats in the quiet carriages as it is frustrating and difficult for everyone- both the passengers who have specifically booked the quiet area for specific reasons and also the adult(s) responsible for the child (most of whom will be feeling worried/stressed etc about trying to keep their kids quiet and the looks they often get when unsuccessful!).

I was lucky in many ways as my child was a “good” traveller but even at that between toys, snacks, questions I don’t think a dedicated quiet carriage would have been the ideal place.

i dislike anyone - child or adult using tablets etc in public without headphones or volume off, I think it’s rude to others especially in transit when people cannot move away from the noise and could be trying to work/sleep or have noise sensitivities etc.

Kind of feel like the train guards really should be checking the quiet carriage now and again as well. If train companies can’t/won’t maintain the quiet carriages it would probably be better off just not having them in the first place.

I sympathise as my child was a climber/runner and he had no interest in activities like colouring at all even at baby groups when other kids where doing arty things he had zero interest - same with stories etc they caught his attention for seconds at best.

That said he was a good traveller (not completely silent and certainly not super still). I don’t really see the issue of kids walking up and down the aisle as long as they aren’t in the quiet carriage and they aren’t shouting etc - on train journeys I met many other parents (in the non quiet carriages) just walking their kids often to the door area to look out the windows which meant they wouldn’t obstruct the aisles through seating areas. He would also have small chunky cars he would carry/hold and sometimes play with for short periods of time (he was a quiet player as in he didn’t make sound effects or talk - he’d just drive them over our seats/table). I don’t think that’s unreasonable - if the child is not in a designated quiet carriage then allowing them to toddle and look out windows/at new things is fine surely?

He also didn’t like anything on his head - I used to let him have my screen with the volume off but was for toddler games as opposed to movies (and no he didn’t really understand them I just think he was fascinated by the novelty of it which occupied him for a while). Obviously not ideal if three sharing but if your older kids are of age and nature to be left at their seats then maybe they could watch Disney with headphones while you supervise the little one having a look around and then let him have a turn playing on the tablet wirh volume off while older kids do something else and you get a break from walking about?

Public transport is for everyone and parents shouldn’t feel they can’t use it - and some allowances must be made for a degree of noise and movement, you shouldn’t feel you can’t travel just cause have kids.Most people (not all) have been in the position of travelling with kids and are tolerant of some noise and movement.

Lots of parents walk their kids along the carriage, stop to look out the windows, go to the toilet, etc. That is very different to leaving a toddler to run up and down as if it is a playground.

Have a wild stab in the dark - just for giggles 🙄

You are in a public space and being completely unreasonable. I doubt either of you had booked first class next time maybe try it or get on a private train

It is entirely possible to teach children to be quiet and consider others, although it does require some input and attention from the parent. I often travelled on trains with my two small boys in the 1980s, and they were often praised by other passengers for their good behaviour. We travelled from Yorkshire to the south coast by train with them, aged 2 and 4 and managed to keep them entertained and quiet for several hours.

Small children do require attention from the parent(s). I'd take activity books, reading books, a couple of wrapped new toys (eg little cars) to bring out at moments of boredom, and silly games like "can you see any tractors/buses/red cars out of the window?" You can't just switch off and let the child amuse him/herself, hoping that other passengers won't mind - especially in a "Quiet" coach.

I would be furious.
It a fucking Quiet Carriage!
Suggest she move to another carriage FFS! Stupid selfish cow.

Oh that would wind me right up OP 😡The mother should have made more effort to control the childrens' behaviour.
The last time I was in a 'Quiet' carriage I had to put up with a bloke on his phone for the whole 2 hour journey. He had a really loud, booming and braying voice which drove me crackers 🙄. The train was really crowded so there was nowhere else for me to move to. I had a splitting headache by the time I reached my destination😣

Tell the conductor I hate entitled people

I've been there on the train with a 2 year old and it isn't fun - but I wouldn't be allowing him to watch an iPad on full volume. And I wouldn't be in the quiet carriage.

YANBU at all - and I have a 2yo. There's no way on earth I'd take either of my kids (the other one is older) into a quiet carriage! Maybe if there were literally no other seats on the train!
Even in a regular carriage, I tell them not to shout and scream (they might ignore me but I do try!). And sometimes you do have to resort to a tablet but always with headphones. It's not rocket science, is it?!

That’s really awful, and I love the “there’s a special place in hell for people that have conversations on loud speaker” thank goodness, I thought that was just me thought that!

why book a quiet carriage with a toddler? Or sit in there, if they had to fine, but you can still be a parent and try to keep the noise down as a show of good will to all even if it doesn’t work.

I hope it gets better.

last train ride I took with my youngest two ladies got on talking loudly about their heavy periods and it then got a bit gross and then about sex.
I have really gone off public transport!

Point out nicely it’s the quiet carriage
It does have signs like limit mobile phone is etc

There’s usually a cultural dimension to this. Especially the long conversations in public on loudspeaker. It’s like they don’t know about headphones 🤷‍♀️ Or maybe they think we can’t understand what they’re saying so don’t mind if both sides of the conversation are overheard.

Sorry, what’s the “cultural dimension”?