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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

When tradesmen call you 'darling'

210 replies

Marie0001 · 31/03/2023 11:27

I just had a call from a Dyno Rod appointment - they are coming out today to fix an issue and the man was perfectly polite but then proceeded to call me darling on the phone. This does make me feel uncomfortable! AIBU?

OP posts:

Rebel2 · 31/03/2023 21:25

CurlewKate · 31/03/2023 21:10

@Rebel2 Do you know a man under the age of,maybe, 70 who would call another man they didn't know "my lover"?

Yes... and females that use it too
West Country

My male colleague was commenting on someone he spoke to the other day who kept calling him duck like it was punctuation

I object to being patronised as much as anyone else, and when customers say good girl I'm raging. But there is a huge difference, having lived all over the country. You're unlikely to hear someone in Lancashire say my lover, but alreet cock/cocker, same as my Scottish female colleague uses hen for everyone

Timesawastin · 31/03/2023 21:27

magicthree · 31/03/2023 19:58

A rare breed indeed on MN! I must be an odd one here too.

Show quote history

Yes anyone who doesn't like being infantilised or patronised hates men. 🙄

goodkidsmaadhouse · 31/03/2023 21:30

My FIL is Cornish and the first time he called me my lover I was slightly taken aback… but yes he definitely uses it to refer to men as well.

I actually really like pet names. Though I once had an intern who called our boss ‘darling’ and he, unsurprisingly, did not get hired 😂

TheInterceptor · 31/03/2023 22:00

CurlewKate · 31/03/2023 21:23

Yep. I'm sure men call other men they don't know "love" ALL THE TIME! 🤣

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Yep, in Sheffield it's common.

Meadowland · 31/03/2023 22:05

YABVU. So many people are rude and miserable. Now people complain when they are nice....

TheInterceptor · 31/03/2023 22:05

First time we visited Cornwall and a 6ft hairy biker-type called my husband 'me 'ansome', and then another called him 'me lover' - that's when I fell in love with the place

girlfriend44 · 31/03/2023 22:06

Marie0001 · 31/03/2023 11:27

Bloody he'll fire what is with some people.

They are being friendly and putting you at ease.

Would you rather they were rude and grumpy.

CurlewKate · 31/03/2023 22:07

@TheInterceptor Strange. It isn't in Bradford. Or Leeds. Or York. Oh well, a few miles can make a big difference.

RestingRulers · 31/03/2023 22:08

I don't like it but realise it's not unusual.

2pence · 31/03/2023 22:13

DixonD · 31/03/2023 19:11

I don’t mind it. But then I’m an odd one on MN because I actually like men.

I love men too. That's why I want to be equal to them.

RaeraeH · 31/03/2023 22:14

CurlewKate · 31/03/2023 21:23

Yep. I'm sure men call other men they don't know "love" ALL THE TIME! 🤣

Show quote history

That's why I said love OR mate. Men call women love, and men mate. Women call women love and men mate too.

TheInterceptor · 31/03/2023 22:15

CurlewKate · 31/03/2023 22:07

@TheInterceptor Strange. It isn't in Bradford. Or Leeds. Or York. Oh well, a few miles can make a big difference.

Huge differences between West, South and North Yorkshire! They may as well be distinct counties.

Catspyjamas17 · 31/03/2023 22:15

I don't like darling or sweetheart very much, said by a man anyway. It's always a tiny bit patronising. Some women also "hun" and "dear" you in a patronising way also. I don't mind love, pet, duck etc in areas where everyone says it to one another.

2pence · 31/03/2023 22:23

@coffeecupsandwaxmelts When you get stopped by the police, do you say "Hello Darling"?

When you go to a job interview, do you greet the interviewer (male or female) with "Hello Sweetheart"?

In reality, how often do you address a person with authority with a pet name? Truthfully.

The girl behind the supermarket check out though, "thanks love". Or you could just be completely honest and say "thank you, I am your superior by the way, just wanted to let you know".

Self awareness is a bitch eh?

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 31/03/2023 22:25

2pence · 31/03/2023 22:23

@coffeecupsandwaxmelts When you get stopped by the police, do you say "Hello Darling"?

When you go to a job interview, do you greet the interviewer (male or female) with "Hello Sweetheart"?

In reality, how often do you address a person with authority with a pet name? Truthfully.

The girl behind the supermarket check out though, "thanks love". Or you could just be completely honest and say "thank you, I am your superior by the way, just wanted to let you know".

Self awareness is a bitch eh?

Where I live, it would be totally normal to refer to people in authority like that, yes.

You don't have to believe it if you don't want to - I'm not here to convince anyone 🤷‍♀️

pbdr · 01/04/2023 07:45

@2pence Surely you can recognise that formal language is used in formal settings and informal language in informal settings? It's nothing to do with feeling superior to the other person, it's just a more relaxed environment without the same expectations of professionalism.

I would speak very differently to an accountant who I was discussing business with, than an accountant who I got chatting with at friend's baby shower for example. Same person, same credentials but different social setting so different social expectations.

Harrypewter · 01/04/2023 08:04

Anyone running a business or in this case a Trade, using the words, darling, love, duck, mate, etc is a bit of a Numpty.
However, some trades are casual, hence why they have such a bad reputation.

CoalCraft · 01/04/2023 08:08

2pence · 31/03/2023 22:23

@coffeecupsandwaxmelts When you get stopped by the police, do you say "Hello Darling"?

When you go to a job interview, do you greet the interviewer (male or female) with "Hello Sweetheart"?

In reality, how often do you address a person with authority with a pet name? Truthfully.

The girl behind the supermarket check out though, "thanks love". Or you could just be completely honest and say "thank you, I am your superior by the way, just wanted to let you know".

Self awareness is a bitch eh?

Women behind the tills at supermarkets address me as "love" all the time. Are they trying to stamp their authority over me, then? Cause I thought they were just being friendly...

NashvilleQueen · 01/04/2023 08:26

Because I'm just as likely to hear it from women as men in the north west I never give it a second thought.

Surely2023IsTheYearForMyRainbowBaby · 01/04/2023 08:32

Doesn't bother me in the slightest

2pence · 01/04/2023 08:41

@CoalCraft it's a similar principle. It says, though I am serving you, I am your equal, you are not above me. It may well have friendly intentions because it's done to denote social status and say we are the same you and me, I see that.

It's all about social status, unless someone struggles with social interactions or intends the pet name to be passive aggressive, then someone behind a checkout is unlikely to address a superior with a pet name other than to hammer home an egalitarian viewpoint.

Also egalitarian, I go the other way in that I would only use a Pet Name when there is a genuine relationship with the person and not to denote status with strangers.

Toooldtoworry · 01/04/2023 08:42

EmpressOfTheSofa · 31/03/2023 11:27

I call everyone Darling or Sweetheart or Lovely. It’s because I can never remember names 🤣

I do this too 🤣

NashvilleQueen · 01/04/2023 09:00

Also I prefer it to 'mate' which always sounds so passive aggressive to mr.

MissingMoominMamma · 01/04/2023 09:07

TomeTome · 31/03/2023 11:32

In Devon they call you “my lover”. A bit unexpected the first time.😆😆😆

😂

ThanksForYourHelp · 01/04/2023 09:27

I don't like it one bit.

But I have bigger fish to fry.

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