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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

When tradesmen call you 'darling'

210 replies

Marie0001 · 31/03/2023 11:27

I just had a call from a Dyno Rod appointment - they are coming out today to fix an issue and the man was perfectly polite but then proceeded to call me darling on the phone. This does make me feel uncomfortable! AIBU?

OP posts:
fdgdfgdfgdfg · 31/03/2023 12:30

DutchCowgirl · 31/03/2023 11:53

A few days ago there was a topic about calling woman at the office “the girls” and everyone thought that was patronizing. I am not a native speaker and i cannot figure out why calling a woman “girl” is really wrong but calling her “darling” or “love” is fine

I think it's whether it's used to "other" the person it's said towards. So in my part of the UK we use "Love" a lot. "Alright love", "Here you go love", See you next week Love". It's used by women to women, men to women, women to men. Not so much by men towards men, presumably because despite the enlightened society we now live in, it's still considered a bit gay, and because we have the all encompassing "mate" to use instead. But it's a universal thing, it's just something you put at the end of a sentence, it's not actually meant to indicate anything about the person you're talking to.

However in my last job we had the "girls". We were a software company, so very male dominated, and aside from the accounts team there were very few women.

So the accounts team became "the girls". And maybe if it was just a descriptor, that'd be fine. But any time we had visitors in the office, the directors would get "the girls" to sort the coffees and biscuits. The sales guys are incapable of booking their own hotels, better make the girls become their mothers. Communal fridge so filthy that entire civilisations of bacteria have risen and fallen? Eventually one of "the girls" will crack and clean it.

It's not the name that's misogynistic, it's the expectations that come with the name

ThistlesandHarebells · 31/03/2023 12:31

Just be glad you don’t live in Glasgow. You’d be called “Hen” there😂😂

FuckNuggets · 31/03/2023 12:33

YABU. I call everyone, "luv, sweetheart or mate".

Mypatioisminging · 31/03/2023 12:34

Meh, it’s just a way to build rapport. Lots of people of both genders do it. He likely calls the blokes mate. Doesn’t mean he thinks they are his mate or he wants to get into your knickers

nc13467 · 31/03/2023 12:34

Coastalvenues · 31/03/2023 11:30

Doesn't bother me really if an older trades bloke. A younger policeman called me 'darlin' the other day and that did irk me a bit for some reason, I think with all the awful stories re the Met police they should perhaps be a bit more mindful of how they come across

@Coastalvenues so an older police officer can call someone darlin' but not a younger one?

Personally being called darlin' by anyone wouldn't bother me at all unless it was said in a patronising way

Naunet · 31/03/2023 12:35

TimeForThunder · 31/03/2023 11:30

Assuming it's not done in an overtly creepy way, or only used with me as opposed to everyone, I actually quite like it! I think it's something I associate with warm Northerners from my childhood 😆

It’s not everyone, it’s women. Men don’t go around a calling each other darling.

RicciardoPerez · 31/03/2023 12:36

My postman does this. I don't like it!

OrrAppleCheeks · 31/03/2023 12:36

SavBlancTonight · 31/03/2023 12:25

I don't love it but usually can suck it up if I feel it's just an instinctive way of referring to people. But it needs to be consistent. A man was calling me "love" the other day then turned to a man and called him "sir". That pissed me off. If I'm darling, then DH needs to be at least "mate".

This. I don’t like being called ‘love’ etc but wouldn’t say anything usually , would just feel a bit irritated, but definitely would if it were said in a sleazy or patronising way, and if I heard them call a man ‘sir’.

I noticed lots of Sir-ing by the doctors in A&E when I was there last week, with women not being called anything, or just their first names/darling etc, but didn’t say anything because I could see that they were busy/doing their best etc. And also because I was dependent on them for my treatment. It was only the doctors doing it though, not the nurses.

Harrypewter · 31/03/2023 12:36

I don't think it's professional.
Darling is the same as mate, cringe, and too familiar.
I'd be disciplining them if they worked for me.

Naunet · 31/03/2023 12:37

DutchCowgirl · 31/03/2023 11:53

A few days ago there was a topic about calling woman at the office “the girls” and everyone thought that was patronizing. I am not a native speaker and i cannot figure out why calling a woman “girl” is really wrong but calling her “darling” or “love” is fine

Everyone did not. There were plenty of people on that thread who said it was fine.

BigMandsTattooPortfolio · 31/03/2023 12:39

I like these terms of affection. Doesn’t bother me.

MasterBeth · 31/03/2023 12:41

In 2023, it's inappropriate in a professional situation. I don't like it.

Scorchio84 · 31/03/2023 12:41

Doesn't remotely bother me & I loved "Duk" when I lived over in England

NotAnotherBathBomb · 31/03/2023 12:42

Annoying, as I think it has sexist connotations (they don't refer to men by terms of endearment)

But it doesn't make me feel uncomfortable, that's a bit much

OldTinHat · 31/03/2023 12:43

I wouldn't even notice tbh. But 'hun' from other women is affected and grating imo.

Scorchio84 · 31/03/2023 12:43

MasterBeth · 31/03/2023 12:41

In 2023, it's inappropriate in a professional situation. I don't like it.

also yes I mean in the line for a coffee or whatever... my principal does not call me any of the above 😂

girljulian · 31/03/2023 12:44

katseyes7 · 31/03/2023 11:37

I'm a (female) Geordie living in Yorkshire. I call people darling, pet, or sweetheart.
Here, grown men call each other 'love'.
It's nice. I'd much rather that than rudeness or abuse, which l get from some customers at work.
The one thing l don't like is strangers (always men, and very, very occasionally) calling me by my name. We have to wear name badges at work and that feels odd to me.

This, I think it's regional! I'm a Geordie too. I used to love hearing men address random boys or younger men as "bonnie lad". And did people not grow up watching Yellow Submarine ad-infinitem as I did? "What's the matter John-love? Blue meanies?"

Point being I think there's a time and a place, but as a northerner I wouldn't hear this as sexist, nor would I think of it as a thing men only do to women.

secretllama · 31/03/2023 12:45

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

This. Honestly don't know how some folk get through the day !

Herja · 31/03/2023 12:46

I have roofers in currently. 6 of them, but they all look similar and I can't remember which name goes with who. I have so far called them: love, my lovely and sweetheart. The same names I call everyone I have forgotten the name of (children also get the option of 'poppet'). They have remembered my name every time, but it certainly wouldn't offend me if, like me, they used a pet name instead! It only annoys me when used patronisingly, and that's always fairly obvious.

FellOnMyArseToDay · 31/03/2023 12:51

Unclench. You won’t need to call dyno rod once a month.

really? Of all the shit women have to deal with. He was polite to you. Called you darling. It’s annoying but count your blessings. Spend some time on here and see the actual discrimination women have to poke up with everyday. I hope you are ok

RampantIvy · 31/03/2023 12:52

It would be weird here in Yorkshire. They use "love" round here.

Thesharkradar · 31/03/2023 12:54

There are lots of options here, you can call them mate in response, or you could call them darling too.
Or sweetie or flower or petal or poppet, buttercup, sunshine, sunny Jim, son, lad etc experiment and see what gives you the most entertaining reaction😁

Rebel2 · 31/03/2023 12:54

My grandad calls everyone cocker. Male or female!

TheInterceptor · 31/03/2023 12:55

In hospital recently an Indian doctor called me 'my lover'. Love Cornwall 🙂

Thesharkradar · 31/03/2023 12:55

Or call him bro or dude or 'my man'