When tradesmen call you 'darling'

[Marie0001]

I just had a call from a Dyno Rod appointment - they are coming out today to fix an issue and the man was perfectly polite but then proceeded to call me darling on the phone. This does make me feel uncomfortable! AIBU?

Ah pet names. Great if you're in a relationship with someone, not so good when used to put a person in their place.

Love, hun, babes, sweetie. Would you use these terms to address your boss? No. Why not? Because these are terms you only use with those you deem lesser than yourself, whether this is done consciously or not.

We give away so much of ourselves when we open our mouths. If you do use Pet Names, perhaps take some time to think about why you don't address a person with authority with them.

Awful. Rude. Unprofessional.

That’s a really good point. Power.

I am a property developer. I get called 'young lady' (I am neither 😃), 'love', 'my lovely' and even 'gorgeous' (he just needed an eye appointment, poor man). Everyone who works for me more than once never uses those terms. They address me by my real name as they come to understand that all those twee sexist labels are not going to work with me. While I can see why some people would be offended, I don't take it personally when tradespeople initially use those terms. It does give out clues as to their psychology, however. I just make a joke and say I prefer to be called Scooby, than Petal. While it may not be terribly professional, I just think if the contractor finishes the job on time then I am not going to mind about it too much. The few who have overstepped the mark over the years have been duly sacked. This includes one chancer wanting an affair, someone who wanted my 'husband' to make the design decisions, and one man who was appalled that I actually knew the basics of building work...he was just such a dinosaur it was almost funny.

OK? I get called 'darling' far more often by women than men.

Where I live, everyone uses pet names - whether they're in a position of "authority" or not is totally irrelevant.

Sorry if that doesn't fit in with your theory though

I don’t mind it. But then I’m an odd one on MN because I actually like men.

I’m in Yorkshire, where everyone is called “love”. Men call each other love.

I’ve recently spent some time down south and think everyone down there would be my CT happier if they started calling each other love. Or maybe pet, duck or something

This. I'm in East London and it's the same. I take "Love" or "Darlin'" as Tradesmanese for "Madam" and expect to be addressed that way. In fact, I bristle slightly if they call me Madam because it's so unexpected.

It's not regional-it's misogynistic.

Not if you use the same name for everyone
My grandad will use it for everyone from the mayor to the shop worker, male or female
Alreet cocker is his default greeting, it's not being used for power or anything like that

You can tell the difference, if someone is using my lover for everyone, or if someone is doing a patronising "ok darling, is your husband home?"

I'm completely used to being called darling or love by older people of both sexes, doesn't bother me at all. I've even started doing it myself where it feels appropriate.

I think it's in how it's said. You can tell if it's meant to be condescending vs just an informal form of address.

It wouldn't bother me at all - there are far worse things they could be calling people! I really don't understand people who find it offensive/unacceptable.

A rare breed indeed on MN! I must be an odd one here too.

It doesn’t bother me but a customer the other day called me ‘good girl’ and that properly fucked me off

I don't particularly care, but ime it seems to bode for one who thinks I'm a little woman who can be ignored and therefore makes me a bit more vigilant to make sure they're actually doing what I've asked.
But I'd rather a "darling" than someone totally unfriendly who makes you feel like they're doing you a massive favour by taking your money to do a job.

Well now. Love, pet, sweetheart yes I've had all that and on occasion darling.

What gets really weird and happened to me lately is when, love, darling or sweetheart is never once mentioned and then 9 months in when it's very clear there's attraction and chemistry and most definitely flirting the call ends with "you're lovely to talk to, Im really looking forward to seeing you. Take care my darling" 😳

Now that's slightly different and has required distance 🫣

Honestly the profession I've had the most "darling"s and "love"s from is undoubtedly midwifery. Nurses are keen too. Not all doctors do it but I prefer the ones that do. Far better that than grumpiness or, worst of all, frigid professionalism.

ODFOD

@Cosyblankets

Shan't!

@Rebel2 Do you know a man under the age of,maybe, 70 who would call another man they didn't know "my lover"?

In Liverpool here everyone is love or mate. It's warm and friendly. Unclench!!😊

Yep. I'm sure men call other men they don't know "love" ALL THE TIME! 🤣

Not uncomfortable. Just a bit annoyed.

FO yourself.