When tradesmen call you 'darling'

[Marie0001]

I just had a call from a Dyno Rod appointment - they are coming out today to fix an issue and the man was perfectly polite but then proceeded to call me darling on the phone. This does make me feel uncomfortable! AIBU?

I have a friend who is a doctor. We regularly tag each other on Facebook posts with articles where a female doctor is referred to by her first name or, possibly, her surname but male doctors will always be referred to as Mr Smith.

eg Claire Smith is a doctor specialising in premature birth and the long-term impacts on babies and their mothers. "Many babies will experience slower development when premature but there is still work to be done to understand how much the shorter gestation plays a part in this," explains Claire.

Vs

Dr James Jones has been operating on rugby players knees for 20 years, including some of the biggest name in England Rugby. "For a player who has been playing rugby at a high level, often since school, the knee experiences significant deterioration," Dr Jones explains.

It's remarkably common. Once you see it, you can't unsee it! My friend tells me that after we started identifying it, she's started politely but firmly correcting people at conferences as it happens a lot. eg panel of 5 doctors, 3 men, 2 women. The men will be called Dr Jones whenever they're asked a question, and the women will be called by their first name.

Well seems the sky is blue but coloured people aren't coloured, they're people of colour, or black, when actually they're brown....so yes words matter.

You haven't lived if you haven't had a Glaswegian call you 'hen'!

@SavBlancTonight
Is your friend a 'lady' doctor?😁

Doesn't bother me. Its just how some people be friendly. Unless its said in a tone that shows it was meant as condescending or nasty, I think people who take issue with it are making it into something it isn't

I don’t like it either OP. I don’t call strangers darling, love, etc etc, either.

Yes you are. He doesn’t actually think you are his darling does he. I don’t know how some people on here function in the world

’me lover’ 😂 well maybe it’s just a London thing, but men don’t get it here

YABU.

As long as the tradesman turns up on time and does the job in the quoted time , then they can call me what ever they want.

Oh for goodness sake.

YABU. Stop being ridiculous. Whatever next? Are you offended that a man walked past you in the street this morning too? It's things like this that make women look so silly.

Darling I can handle as long as it's said in the right context. Doll would have my back up instantly.

They're both generic words to show a camaraderie of sorts but it's funny how one needles and the other doesn't. Each to their own I suppose.

That being said my husband of not Valleys heritage visibly stiffened when someone called him "butt" the first time he came to the pub with me back home. I had to confirm he wasnt being called an arse...several times!

She absolutely is! <eye roll emoticon>

It's just a colloquialism. I call every love just automatically... it's just what everyone does where I grew up.

It's not pointed or specifically about you or a characteristic of yours or anything else they're trying to convey. It's the modern ma'am, mate, my friend, madam etc.

It's just a word used to refer to you a person who they don't know.

Because girl = child but love or darling in this context is used towards any friendly stranger man, woman, adult, child.

I don't respond to it but equally I don't get upset. I don't see it as an insult.

And let's face it, good tradespeople are hard to find.

Just out of curiosity how would you feel if say you were in the Doctors waiting room and the receptionist said 'You can go through now mate!' or maybe at your child's parents evening and the class teacher called you Poppet, or the opinion said 'just read the top line Babe'
OK there's nothing intrinsically offensive but it would jar a bit wouldn't it? That's how a sizable proportion of people feel about love and darling. Not one or two uptight folk, but probably over half the nation.

No it doesn't bother me at all. Im fact i quite like it.
What I find annoying is women who look for offense in perfectly normal greetings.

@JudgeRudy I quite honestly wouldn't blink if a receptionist or teacher called me those things. My doctor back home - Yorkshire - has called me love. Along with my teachers, the postman, the builder, the accountant at work.

There's nothing unprofessional or weird about it to me. It's just what we call people.

And nobody's ever seemed bothered by me using it to them here in London. Maybe the accent makes it more 'ok' but I'm hardly likely to forget a habit of my regional life that I used for 22 years am I.

Me too. I’m as rabid ax they get but I can’t bring myself to care about this really.

Absolutely, I notice that happening as well. I think it’s symptomatic of a general lack of ease in what still is a patriarchal/male-favouring society (and I know NAMALT etc) with showing equal respect for women in a public or professional space. It’s sometimes not that easy to notice but, as you say, once you’ve seen it, you can’t not see it.

Also, I do think there’s a difference between someone calling a man ‘mate’ and then calling me ‘darling/love/sweetheart. ‘Mate’ is a public domain term, whereas sweetheart etc reside in the home/domestic/private domain.

@SavBlancTonight email the editors when you see this. They should amend it when you point it out and after a while may advise their journalists to be aware of not bloody doing it

Really, people regularly call you Babe or Mate. You do realise that's a northern thing right. It really isn't common practice elsewhere.

Thanks all

To clarify I'm not offended, I just simply noticed it and it felt a bit strange…. It’s certainly not a huge deal, I was just curious to others views as I simply don’t hear this much at all. Only my husband calls me darling in my day to day life!

I think it may be quite regional based on comments.